Goodbye Beautiful Boy

[LottieL]

I just need to get this off my chest.

My utterly adored three year old boy had to be put to sleep last night at about midnight. He was my baby - my husband and I doted on him and his departure has left a massive hole in our home - and my heart.

It was all so sudden. At 11 he rushed in to the bedroom where my husband and I were preparing for bed and fell, clearly panicking. He then started to seizure. He had had one seizure before at the start of the year but nothing else since and so the vet put it down to a freak occurrence. He fitted for around 10 mins and did not come out of it like he had the last. As I tried desperately to get hold of the emergency vet who did not answer their phone my husband held him and talked to him to try and bring him to himself but he wasn't responding to voice. It was as though he couldn't hear or see us.

We managed to get hold of another vet in the area who agreed to see him in their surgery. He was no better. She said that hia heartbeat was faint and he was trying to die, and that was really nothing that she could do. She suspected an underlying heart condition as his heart was packing in, despite the massive seizures that usually send the heart racing. We decided then to end the immense suffering he was undoubtedly feeling - I can't imagine how terrifying it must have been for him, if he was even aware anymore which I'm not sure he was.

I don't know what to do now. He was our baby, as stupid as it sounds. He was family and I feel like I let him down.

We bought him from a puppy farm (unbeknownst to us at the time) and he had countless health and behavioural difficulties but we never gave up on him, despite people saying we should. We kept on and he was so worth it. I just feel so lost without him. I don't know what I'm going to do later when I should be letting him out for a wee, or cuddling on the sofa with him before work. I don't know what I'm going to do when he isn't sat on the windowsilol as normal watching the street, or waiting for us to get home. I just don't know what I'm going to do without him in my life 😥

OP, my DM lost her first dog far too young in a shockingly fast fashion - you have my sympathies

I don't think you could have done any more, but I guess feeling like you've let him down is pretty natural at this stage. It's still so raw x

Oh my. 😥 My dog also died far too young and it's incredibly hard to get your head around. You should have a huge amount of pride that you gave him the best life, even if he wasn't the easiest dog. It will get easier but not yet. Xxxxx

Oh I am so sad for you.
He went to you when he was ill though and took comfort in the fact you would look after him and do what is best. It is so hard making the decision to have a good friend put to sleep but as I explained to my daughter when her beloved cat had to go that it is the ultimate sacrifice you can do for them. You put his needs first and that is what you needed to do.
It is like grieving for a family member. I had my horse longer than two of my children! 22years when she was put down.
Allow yourselves some time the pain will ease although I still have a little weep for my horse sometimes and the cats when I find the photos.
I'm so sorry for you at this time. You gave him a lovely life better that it was short and loved than long and mistreated. He could have ended up somewhere where they didn't love him.

Thank you all for your kindness. I haven't managed to sleep much and just keep expecting him to come to us for a fuss. It's so hard. I know we did the right thing for him - he was already gone by the time we got him to the vet I think - but it doesn't make it feel any better. I miss him terribly.

So sorry for you. You said you felt you had let him down but you didn't you loved and cared for him and was there with him at the end.

Take care of yourself today and allow yourself to cry and grieve.