can anyone empathise having a dog that isn't the dog you thought you'd have?

[dogwoes]

Terrible title, and I'm off out shortly, but...

We rescued dog2 in March. She's beautiful, house trained, travels nicely in the car, great with the children, doesn't chew, great with dog 1 etc...

but she's highly reactive (wasn't when we got her but just got worse and worse). She lunges and barks at other dogs and is becoming more aggressive. I can't walk her at the moment. Dh is doing all the walking. She's beagle size but just pulls constantly and is on high alert all the time.

Recall is shit so she doesn't go off lead. We hire a secure field once a week. She has weekly training and we've done workshops. She has a bloody expensive diet and she is the cutest thing ever but she really isn't a dog I want for the next 15 years.

We're not going to rehome her or give up. I'm stuck with her, but for example I'm gong to collect the kids. I'd go on foot and a normal dog would come out for a stroll with me. I can't take her as there are too many triggers around (dogs!) or she'll just pull my bloody arm out. She'll just stay here with dog 1 so they'll both miss out. She'll get walked by dh when dark later.

We've tried various harnesses with little success.

I dunno. I loved doing canicross with her and can't at the moment due to my own injury. Maybe holding on until I run again will keep me sane.

How do you make your peace with the dog you have?

This is a thread I was contemplating starting myself! Very similar issues to you OP, though at this stage thankfully it's still mostly the lunging and barking at other dogs rather than actual aggression. But a loving nature in the house and wonderful with DC. Really soppy! Never settles though (unless alone) won't relax and lie down peacefully, always on high alert. We can't take him into a pub/cafe, other people's houses etc.

He was a rescue, a young rescue, and took him to 'puppy' training but made to feel very unwelcome there. We stuck it out and he has some days that are better than others but when he is in his 'zone' it's like that overrides everything else. I can relate to those who have to consider where and when to walk very carefully.

He also has some health issues- controllable, but just adds to it all really.

I love him very, very much and he is part of the family but I know and understand the feeling of your dog not being the one you imagined. Something I have been feeling very sad about recently is that we had always planned to have a second dog but I don't see how I could manage two now.

I'm not used to the lack of freedom yet.

In a minute I'll do the school run, and just like the other day will go on foot without dogs. I have tried it a few times with one of them but it's never very successful.

I have a yellow 'space please' bandana for dog1 which is OK until people lean in for a closer look . Both dogs are fine with people just not other dogs.

I have the secure field booked this weekend so that'll be nice. Let her blow away some cobwebs.

Love our 3 year old black Labrador, he's is very biddable, placid, doesn't bark, bomb proof with children, and (touches wood) healthy. If someone new comes into the house he just stands there looking at them, after 10 minutes he might go up and sniff them.

But he is so boring and although ds(12) who wanted a dog loves him to bits and wouldn't swap him for anything he doesn't engage with him much because the dog wont chase balls or pay attention to him. when we are out he is only interested in all the outside smells and other dogs to play with.

I'm rather jealous!

My last dog was placid and that's the character trait I desire most. Unflappable and even a bit aloof!

But I'm not a 12yo boy

Haven't read all of this thread so sorry if I'm repeating but have you thought about hiring a dog whisperer, OP? I got my dog when he was 1. He was s nervous Wreck & very anxious around other dogs/lots of other issues.
My friend is a dog whisperer & after 5-8 sessions my dog started to listen & respond. He's now nearly 6 & the most chilled, happy boy ever.
Have to occasionally remind him who's boss but not very often.

Bear with me here, but in response to you saying you run out of hands walking two dogs, my friend had twins and had a reins harness that went round her waist. Just wondering if you could do a bit of a hack with that so you could keep the dogs securely attached to your waist while you keep your hands free?

A dog whisperer that'd be a qualification in what?

You get waist leads for doing things like canicross with, so designed to hold dogs, some people with reactive dogs swear by them, sonething to do with their centre of gravity, I've never tried it because I'm a bit scared it'd go wrong and my dog isn't small...

My dog is a rescue and very complex he wasnt socialised he chases cars he can never be off lead and he is grumpy we have learned to work round him and we love him but he is nutty and hardwork

I do have the canicross belt! I love it but she jars my back when she lunges.

The 2 handed had to be with hands rather than waist attachment though as its so 'precise' and she'd have pulled the head collar off

Tabula
Google dog whisperers?
For my dog (& many many others) hiring a dog whisperer worked. Also he reinforced the whole pack mentality thing - dogs often pull on the lead & behave aggressively/react to other dogs because they think they are pack leader & are treated like that. Prevention is better than cure, & all that.

Dogs aren't pack animals so pulling on the lead has absolutely nothing to do with "pack mentality" or a dog believing they're "pack leader".

I'd recommend anyone having a read through this article before taking on the services of any trainer who still buys into the dominance myth.

Well I know dog whisperer is a meaningless term and I could literally set myself up as one tomorrow...so I was asking if you knew of any with actual qualifications.

I can somewhat relate. My husband got me a surprise dog the day after our old dog died (because our other dog cannot be alone), and I was just immediately put off. It sounds horrible, but I was still upset about my other dog passing and I wanted a say in the dog that we got... but he bought this one home and I was hardly going to send her back.

Still haven't bonded with her, really, and we've had her for over 2 years now. The other dog (now 5.5) is my baby, and it's quite clear that I favour him. I feel horrible about it, because our second dog is very sweet and wanting for attention, but she just wasn't what I wanted and I wasn't ready for her.

In addition, she has some behavioural problems. She's a chronic barker (we have to cover up all windows at night properly, or she will bark for no reason), she hates other dogs so we find it difficult to take her to the dog park (our other dog, a beagle, is very social and loves the park), and she's difficult to walk. We've looked into getting professional help, but we don't think her problems are "bad enough" to warrant spending more than 1k on help.

For what it's worth, our beagle was very difficult initially. It took us 6 months to house train him, took him about 2 years to outgrow the chewing stage, he only just recently stopped digging up the yard, and he's only just now getting better at his recall (we can tell him to "stop" at the park now and he will)... but he was tiring. Consistency was key with him. Beagles are very stubborn, very persistent, so if we "let it slide" one time, it would be back to square one. However, we have friends with two beagles who ended up getting Bark Busters in (who apparently are dog behavioural specialists, in general, they don't just focus on barking) and they said the change has been incredible.

Tab Cesar Milan calls himself a dog whisperer. In fact if you Google dog whisperer that's pretty much all you get. I shall comment no further...

Yes I feel so awful saying that because in the house my girl is the most beautiful loving thing I have ever met but outside of the house or wherever there's strangers or other dogs she turns into a nut case, she is fear aggressive. I (THOUGHT) I had done everything right, classes, sociallisation etc etc and she was fine as a pup but as she got older she just started to become more and more nervous. Now walking her is the most stressful part of the day! I still love her though.

YoungGirl is our dog like this.

I love her to bits, I really do.

We got a dog initially after hearing about the issues faced in the expat-heavy country we live in. Older dogs who are abandoned when owners leave the country and think £3k is too much to pay for another 1-2 years of life, or in some cases they end up going to countries with 6 month quarantine and an old dog so wouldnt be fair. I agreed to a dog to help these poor old sods retire with a comfy bed, with someone who won't abandon them when they want to leave the country, in their older days when they're not likely to need hours of exercise a day and a few short walks is enough. Kind of an old
Folks home for dogs

We ended up with 2 nine year old dogs. One had one eye and the other had kidney failure completely outs self here. They were lively but we knew that BoyDog was unlikely to find an adoptive home where someone would stick to his diet and pay for his vet bills. OldGirl's eye socket was a big gaping hole and looked frightening. They wouldn't rehome separately either.

Apart from losing BoyDog after a year and having my heart broken, all was well with our plan.

3 months later, I saw a desperate post on a Facebook group. A young dog of the same breed was about to be out down after nobody had claimed her. After a mad dash across the city, she came home with us.

She's a maniac. She won't stop barking, she's reactive (although we're getting there slowly with it), and she's crazy jealous. I hate walking with her. She's having 2 days per week socialisation - full days with a trainer, plus 2 hours per week when the trainer is at our house and walking with us all locally, teaching all the family how to handle her properly. It's getting there, but he's the third trainer. Walking is stressful. She's never been off lead apart from daycare, and we've been trying to train her in recall and take her running in the park with a retractable lead so she can have some freedom, but she's terrified of the noise it makes and lies down cowering. I can't sit on the sofa without being brought a toy / her blankie / a shoe to play with her. You can't get 5 mins to have a crap without her bringing you a toy to play with. All our bathroom doors are scratched to fuck in a rented house because she won't be shut out of the bathroom, but also won't be shut in. She's intense.

We also accidentally got ourselves LabBoy now. He also wasnt planned I feel like I'm talking about pregnancy here. He's the old lazy bastard I dreamed of.

Diamond - well exactly.

Trionic
Don't agree.
Tabula & Diamond
I usually wait until I've actually experienced something before I comment. Sounds like you've already made your minds up.
It worked for my lovely dog. He was a wreck when I got him.

Our old dog was awful with me on a lead until he was 8, wonderful with husband at work, no abuse or early trauma we think it was just me being nervous taking him out and him feeling it, possibly fuelled by testosterone then developing it as a learned behaviour. He was also not neutered as husband wanted to breed from him (he did father one litter) I used to wait for rain and only walked him in certain places, people used to shout as he would always go for other dogs. As I got less nervous, he got better, then in middle to old age he got better at not lunging at other dogs. It was a total pain in the bum but I did get to discover some very quiet and beautiful local places to walk!!

I posted earlier on about considering a rescue dog, am becoming apprehensive reading these stories, has anyone got a positive rescue story?

Mine isn't a rescue, I've had him since he was 8 weeks old...

Every other dog I've owned has been a rescue and have never had the issues he has, one was badly socialised, but it showed itself as being completely over friendly, one had separation anxiety...but with both of them I knew about their issues before I took them on, that's usually the plus point of a rescue.

"I usually wait until I've actually experienced something before I comment."

Really? Because I'm quite happy to comment about things that are based on something other than evidence and that's going to be dangerous in some cases.

Qualified dog trainers and behaviourists work with methods based on behavioural science that have evidence proving what is effective and why...not random theories that could well make a reactive dog dangerous.

The best dog I ever owned was a rescue. Don't be put off!

I really don't want this to turn into a dog bun fight, but pleased be assured I have plenty of experience with dogs who have been "treated" by dog whisperers. Usually when they come to me and I help the owner pick up the pieces. I have seen dogs with injuries from alpha rolls and heelwork "training". Dogs that I can't use words like sit or down with because the dog has such negative associations with the word they urinate.

I'd you are interested in widening your knowledge on the subject, there are many interesting books you could look at. The culture clash by Jean Donaldson is fantastic. Barry Eaton and James O'heare are also good.

My sisters dog isnt a rescue she got him as a pup he is a barky pully stubborn pain in the backside dont be put off with rescue.