Do I get a puppy?!!

[samk15]

Possibly a really really stupid question.... I need some 'grown ups' advise even though I am 38 and should know better

There is a debate raging on in our house as to whether we should get puppy. The spanner in the works so to speak is that we are ttc. Last year we had 2 consecutive mmcs and I think we both just want something nice to happen!!

DP will not consider getting an older/ rescue dog which I would be more than willing to do. I am a veterinary nurse so I am well aware of how many dogs need home and I also know how much hard work puppies can be. But I also know how rewarding dog ownership can be. And I need something little to love! And it would give me something else to focus on. But I absolutely don't want to be irresponsible.

Any thoughts or experiences? xx

for the mmc's samk15, I have been there myself and know how difficult it it, and how hormones can take over. I don't normally post here, just lurk furtively picking up tips and not telling anyone we're getting a cockapoo later this year
However your post struck a cord with me, and I wanted to be honest so please don't take offence, this may not apply to you. You did say you wanted something nice to happen, and something to love which sounded very familiar! After my mmc and ttc for a few months again without any luck, I went to our local cat rescue and bought home (after the relevant checks) two cheeky kittens, who had been abandoned. Looking back it was utterly hormone-driven, I already had two lovely cats but felt an overwhelming need to add to my family and love more if that makes sense. Strangely enough I must have been about two weeks pregnant when I picked them up, unbeknown to me at the time. I can't regret having them in my life (sadly one was run over on our quiet culdesac a couple of years ago) but it was a full house for a while and looking back I was in a haze. 4 cats didn't seem like a lot but when they marched down the kitchen together like reservoir dogs it was a little intimidating
I suppose I'm trying to say that if I were you I would wait, I do think the baby will happen for you hopefully and then you will have your hands full, and from what I've read about puppies over the past year or so they need and deserve undivided training and attention and energy in their first few months. DS will be nearly five when we get our puppy, a good age to be responsible and enjoy the puppy's company. As he'll be at school I will also have lots of free time to training etc. DS wasn't the easiest of babies so I would have found it a nightmare with a puppy, and would have maybe found my freedom curtailed somewhat (for which read cake-eating frenzy in cafes!)
I do get it, that need to love, now, to take away the longing for it (by the way I was 38 when I conceived, you're right, not a grown-up!), and not sure if my advice will have any resonance but best of luck with whatever you decide to do.

Hello samk. Firstly I'm so sorry for your losses

I had three miscarriages between nov14 and may15. I had hit rock bottom, did not believe I would ever be a mum and felt utterly bereft. Like you, I really felt I needed something to love and nurture so DH and I started researching and looking for a puppy. In October we brought our little furry idiot home. On Sunday he will be 35 weeks old and I will be 35 weeks pregnant. We did not plan it that way but, as long as everything goes well, I think we'll be fine. Our boy loves children and adores my four month old niece so we are hopeful they will grow up together and be thick as thieves.

Good luck with whatever you choos to do

We got a puppy with very high needs last year and then I fell pregnant, she's a nightmare of a dog and I am due to have baby in a month...

I would go for it personally but I am not one for what ifs and buts

Sorry for your loss.
No, don't get a puppy. I've got one and it's so much harder than I thought.
If I had a baby or was pregnant I think I would have cracked completely.

samk I think it also depends what kind of puppy you were thinking of getting. Ours is a little border terrier. He was easy to toilet train, slept through the night very early and has been quite easy to train. He has had some bad tummy issues but nothing too bad. He's happy to play with his own toys and hasn't destroyed any furniture. Apart from a penchant for picking chewing gum off the pavement he's a very good boy although, after reading some of the horror stories here, we may have just been lucky.
Another thing to consider is that your partner has to be fully on board. Although it was my idea to get the puppy DH has really stepped up now I'm less mobile, he really enjoys taking the dog to the park and being a good dog dad. I think it gives him a chance to de stress away from my hormones haha

Thank you all for your replies. I'm sorry for those of us that have had to go through the heartbreak of miscarriage. Sparkly, Your post absolutely resonates with me. It was a very honest and kind response. It's also fab that you give me some hope on the 'being a mum' front. I feel like my age is definitely against me. Funnily enough we were looking at Cockerpoos but may go for a Cavapoo eventually. I get what you are saying, in my heart I know it's best to wait a bit. I'm just a bit fed up of waiting ( hence why I needed grown up opinions )!
I'm sorry to hear about your kitten- cats and cars are a terrible mix, it's such a shame. I have 2 cats who are very needy (spoilt and demanding).

Snoopy, I'm so sorry you had to endure 3 miscarriages.

I'm glad to hear it sounds like you have got your happy ending eventually. I love the idea that the dog and the child grow up together 'furry idiot' is such a cute term of endearment!

I agree that the breed is a very important consideration.....initially my DP wanted a Labrador???!!!!!!! Lovely dogs but jeepers I think he is on board now, if we chose the pup together he will be more involved. I wanted a rescue but we have agree on a Cavapoo. As a vet nurse paying over £500 for what is essentially a crossbreed makes me cringe lol. But it is what it is.

Greyhorses.... Sounds like you've got a fabulously busy life.

Hopping, I know, they are a lot of work aren't they. That's what's putting me off, although unfortunately the hormones are raging lol

I'm sorry to hear about your MMCs, such an awful thing to go through.

I had one last year and it has devastated me to the point of breaking my relationship.

My response has included....getting a puppy!

So I will tell you a bit about it. I have had a miniature dachshund for two weeks now so v early days. its hard work at certain times of day but it's been good for me up to now. He's a real lap dog if allowed to be and will go to anyone. It's a real testament to my breeders. He's slept through from day 1. I'm snuggling him now but the hard work to snuggle time ratio is stacked in the former's favour!

In your situation, I can see the upsides. Toilet training is pretty full on and would definitely take your mind of TTC. I took some time off work and did some working at home. I ended up really teary about my mc the day I went back because it was the first time I'd had space to think about it in a while.

If you proceed, I would think carefully about the breed. Maybe you want a small, lazy sod for when you get lucky and one that can walk at a pace besides the buggy. I think a cockapoo for example might be a bit much, they need a lot of walking and you're not going to have time for that, though maybe DH will.

Depending on your house, a dog that isn't given the run of the house and is crate trained maybe? This will mean dog will never have been used to following you round everywhere and will get used to entertaining himself for short periods. But hopefully your presence during maternity leave will allow him to build up tolerance for some alone time. They shouldn't be left alone the whole time of course but a degree of independence is no bad thing.

Your DH needs to be fully on board and be prepared to take the lead at certain times. My sister had an initial period of going off her JRT when she had her DS due to hormones, but they are good now. He also was walked a lot less as he was more her dog and her Dh is a lazy sod, even though he was the driving force behind the puppy. In fact, a lot of people thought a dog before baby was madness but he kept her sane during three years TTC. Yes it was challenging but they are through the other side. Her DS is great with my pup, he has no interest in handling him, he'll stroke him and play fetch with him but is largely cautious.

Lots for you to think about anyway, hopefully your house will be manic soon. I think the thing with a MC is it tends to make you grateful for it. Even if you don't go for it now, it can be something you promise yourself 'one day' which in itself is good as MC not great for giving you hope IME.

Good luck x

Having already had two miscarriages, I got two puppies when I was three months pg with my first DC madness I now know, getting two at the same time and I found it really helpful.

Already having the routine of going out twice a day for a walk helped when I had pnd and didn't want to go anywhere - the guilt was too strong to keep me inside - and the light fluffy chat with other dog owners was good for me too.

It is hard work, and there were moments when I had a sob as they destroyed yet another shoe but my DC have grown up with dogs entwined in their lives. And in my own dark moments they have always been my best friends.

On the other hand they were Labradors and do not get labs unless you have a close personal relationship with your vacuum cleaner!

Goodness, your replies are making me a bit tearful. I think it's the recognition from other people that my feelings are understood. Its that yearning to love something and the sense of emptiness that miscarriages bring.

I'm really genuinely suprised at the pro puppy answers I think if we go for a puppy it will be a Cavapoo don't judge me because they are fairly low maintenance on the exercise front.

Sorry to hear about your miscarriages Scone - 2 Labradors is a very brave move but I guess they entertained each other. When I grow up and get a bigger house we will end up with a lab I'm sure! There's something to be said for routine and having 2 dogs nag you to go out for a walk when all want to do is stay in bed. I've had depression and my previous dog literally kept me going. I might have to hide all of my shoes though!

Lonely, that sounds like a rough time, bless you. I'm sorry to hear about your miscarriage. My mmcs took away hope from all areas of my life so I totally get that. I do think that a puppy will take my kind off ttc and planning the colours of the nursery DP is very much on board so that makes life soooo much easier l, I've already warned him he has to do his fair share of picking up poop- the equivalent of changing dirty nappies surely?? Will defo crate train a puppy because I know of how much of a godsend a crate can be.

I think if we go for a puppy it will be a Cavapoo don't judge me because they are fairly low maintenance on the exercise front.

If you want something with low exercise requirements then I would avoid anything which is a poodle cross. Even the toys can be very buzzy, active little dogs (there's a reason why they're very popular for agility) and there's no guarantee that crossing one with a CKCS will result in low energy puppies.

There's also the issue that it's nigh on impossible to find an ethical breeder of such crosses. The CKCS in particular can be affected by a huge number of health conditions, some of which can't be avoided just by crossing with another breed. It's extremely rare to find a breeder of CKCS crosses who has adequately health tested their dogs prior to breeding from them.

Thank you Tri, I agree but over the years I've been in practice I couldn't name many breeds that don't have health problems on one hand. Most of them have been overbred. But I take your point. Id like a rescue but DP won't have it.

Lots of puppies in rescue, you probably know that from your job though.