I want a dog but OH doesn't

[fluffypacman]

Hi. Just wanted to check your opinion on whether what I'm considering is fair. I have a 2 year old and 4 year old children. Ever since I started going out with my OH 10+ years ago he has known I want a dog and initially he did too. He went off the idea and says now he only said that to impress me. I had hoped he would change his mind. He himself is hobby mad with 3x bikes plus all the expensive kit that goes with them. He announced a couple of days ago that on top of the cycling events he will be training for this coming year he will be doing a 4 day event the following year without any discussion about it. This will inevitably impact upon me and our family leaving me to look after them while he is training. I want a dog. OH says no as he doesn't want one as he doesn't want another mouth to feed, they are a tie etc. I realise all this. I work part time, OH has a second job so is often away at weekends too. I realise the bulk of the work will fall upon me but the prospect of never being allowed a dog fills me with sorrow. He has offered to cancel his cycling commitments if I don't want him to do them but it's such a big part of what he enjoys I don't really want to do that to him. On the other hand he's not accepting that this is what I want my hobby to be so I am beginning to think that the only way to make him understand how I feel is to ban his hobby of choice. Do you think this is fair? Hes a pretty stubborn character once his mind is made up that's generally it and there is no shifting him logic or no. Any other tips welcome. Xx

A dog is a huge impact on a family, if hes not on board you shouldnt get one really.

Having a dog isn't a hobby though, it impacts every part of your life and home, you can't get one if not everyone in the family is on board, it's not fair on the anyone, especially the dog

If you're fed up with his hobby then that's a different problem to be tackled, but they're not connected

I love our dog but having him means that DH is going to have to spend the next 7 months in a different country from baby DS and I. Ferocious tie for the whole family so if everyone isn't on board, I would say don't do it.

Have you thought about signing up for dog walking for a charity or borrow my doggy (or both).

DP didn't want a dog but I got one anyway. I have no DC and it was my house we lived in at the time. I pay all costs related to the dog, I make sure hes walked, I arrange what will happen to him when we're on holiday, I make sure I get home at lunch daily to let him out, I have a job to fit around him. He is basically my furry child with me as a single parent and it's hard work. If I had DC I wouldn't have done it, although DP loves the dog now and wouldn't be without him I still do all the work and I doubt that will ever change. I do dread the day we have DC as I know I will need his help with the dog.

They are more of a tie than you can ever imagine (not to say he isn't worth it). Think of it like adding another toddler into your current mix and one that can't be taken everywhere.

Yes I have thought about signing up for charity walking. Even got the application form but the thought of dragging the children out to wherever the dog might be and then going on to somewhere else to walk put me off plus it wouldn't be my dog. I did think I might be being selfish but it is like being really broody. Feel like I've had 10 years already of no dog because he's not wanted one and thought maybe my turn to have what I want. Maybe have to wait until the children start wanting one and hope he might change his mind then but I doubt it. TBH I don't want one straight away. Was planning on waiting until youngest is 3 and the eldest has started school next year as I know they're a commitment and I'd have more time and money then. We're just arguing about the future prospect. He did once say I could have one when we retire (thanks!) but I think he's become so entrenched now that's probably out of the window.

Honestly, I grew up with dogs from about 8 years old and even then underestimated how much work they are.

They are brilliant but consider that every day, rain or shine, you would have to get your children to go for a walk with the dog ( an hour a day at leaSt depending on dog). If one DC is ill how do you walk the dog etc. Especially if all the leg work comes down to you its so tough without children.

OH didn't want dogs when he first met me. I already had dogs when I met him and have always had 2 big ones ever since and he adores ours. He didn't really want the puppy but it was tough as its my house too, she was 'fostered' but it was him in the end who couldn't give her back and she has stayed.

However, the dogs are primarily mine and I do everything with them. He doesnt really get involved in any of the care unless it's an emergency and I have had to accept that as it was me who brought them here. They have caused arguments over the years but it's one thing I wasn't prepared to compromise on and it literally was a case of me or the dogs!

What sort of bike riding does your DH do? My DH loves mountain biking when we got our Ddog we picked her breed and temperament to for his riding and family pet. Our Ddog rides picturing her on a bike with DH every time he goes out riding now unless it's a dangerous ride. If its mountain biking he would be more than welcome to join DH on a ride to see how good a riding companion she is

I think your DH is selfish, but in your position i wouldnt get a dog.

A course of puppy injections is about £80 including microchip (law from april 16). Then deflea at about £30 for three months supply, £10 for wormers.

I have just sat in work for the afternoon and i'd say the average bill today has been about £250, with the cheapest being £46 for an upset stomach and the most expensive over £1800 and nothing really unusual.

Puppies are HARD WORK, i would never have a puppy and ive worked with dogs over 20 years.

i think you need a long talk and compromise but maybe wait until your kids are a little bit older

I don't think your DH is being selfish at all. He doesn't want a dog and never has wanted one. It's nothing like a hobby, having a dog will impact on him.
No matter how much my partner wanted a dog, it would be a no from me.

Your situation sounds much like mine a few years ago. Dh with a very time consuming hobby whch he prioritises above everything else, away most weekends doing it. Leaving me at home with dd. We wanted a dog and he's very anti dogs.

In the end he agreed to one. On the understanding I did everything for the dog. We had that dog for a few years before she died. I did everything. He never walked her, never fed her, never picked up poo in the garden, etc. But he was pleasant enough to her and upset when she died.

Got another dog and Dh adores her. Still doesn't walk her, still doesn't pick up poo in the garden. But he plays with her, fusses over her, let's her sleep in our bed.

So you never know he may come round.

I would love a dog. But I'm on my own, have some days when I don't feel great as I'm in my 60's but usually love getting out and walking a lot.

If I had support and help [now and then], someone to take over sometimes I'd get a young dog. But I haven't. So I do not have a puppy/young dog.

[Currently thinking about temporarily fostering a very much older dog who is happy to potter and snooze a lot of the time, but also up for walks].

Don't forget a dog is 24/7, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year no matter what else is going on or happens unexpectedly. A dog needs to toilet 3-4-5-6 times a day, and daily walks in sunshine and in weeks of rain. And you have 2 small children to deal with on top. And no support. And it's all expensive.

On a darker note, I have known 3 or 4 couples who have seriously been at breaking point due to one adoring their dog, the other not really interested [hadn't realise what dog owning entailed or it was landed on them. It can cause a lot of friction. frustration, disruption and resentment if both parties are not fully committed to the dog.

They aren't easy they are like kids.
What would I do ? I would get rid of the man and get a dog. I love animals and no one would stop me getting one.

A dog is really not possible unless everyone is on board. The commitment (and cost) is seriously underestimated by all first time dog owners (including us before we got our lab 3 years ago).

I honestly don't think it is possible in your situation with two very young children. My dh is away just now (ill parent), and I'm at home with ds and the dog. Walking the dog twice a day in the cold/wind/wet/dark with ds is very challenging, we are also more restricted on what we can do as we cant be out for long as dh isn't at home with the dog.

If you can't stomach the thought of organising the DCs to go and walk a dog a couple of times a week for charity, how on earth will you walk a dog twice a day come rain or shine? I think your real issue is with your DH's hobby, but honestly a dog is not the answer.
Dogs are hard work and need attention day in day out. They aren't a "hobby" like cycling that can be dropped one weekend if something else comes up.

Thanks. I think the charity thing was just the extra possibility of driving to collect said dog maybe a good few miles away and then driving on again to walks. It's takes long enough to get anywhere as it is. Here we have walks on our doorstep and would just have to cross the road, plus it wouldn't be my dog. I think you've pretty much persuaded me not to indulge. I have had my moments thinking I'd get rid of the man and have the dog instead! The biking is an issue but I think he realises he was pushing it with is latest proposal. As I say wasn't thinking of rushing out to get a dog immediately but it in a year or so time when the children are a little older and we have more money. I grew up I with dogs but I know I seriously underestimated what was involved in having children so could well be guilty of romanticising this too.

I personally wouldn't right the idea off just yet , especially when you are talking another 12 months or so down the line . Instead spend that time looking at the breeds you like , which does DH prefer , given a choice , which would fit in best with your family . Please look at rescue sites, there are thousands of lovely beasts who only require some family to love them , a bit of space on the sofa and who are usually happy to be blamed for any 'unusual' smells !

I would love to have a rescue dog. Not particularly fussed about having a puppy. RSPCA and dogs trust dont seem to rehome to families with children though. The youngest child recommendation I have seen is age 7😞. I've been researching for approximately 10 years! I've lived with a really cute Sheltie who was really quick to learn but as they can be a bit nervy so gone off that around children, then thought of a lab or lab mix or maybe a standard schnauzer. We've had cocker spaniels at home so fancied a change. My parents current dog is not very pleasant so that has also put me off a cocker. He won't change his mind though. I've got a big birthday coming up in 18 months so was goI got to ask for one then but I'll think I'll have to shut up about it until then or else he'll only stick to his guns more. Not very good at being patient.

I sympathise, but it would be a nightmare to not only have all the responsibility of a dog (and a 2 and 4 year old) but also be responsible for all its bad habits - atleast a bike doesn't bark when it is left alone.

Also, once you have a dog it's a commitment for years - whereas you can just leave a bike in the garage if you change your mind.

Fluffy

I have a lab and I love him lots and to be fair for a 1 year old he is fab good recall walks nicely on lead plays with other dogs etc but it's constant work at them

but something to consider they need a lot of walking including when chucking it down also find keeping him busy helps to indoors lots of mind games and training I never let him jump up even as tiny as knew he get big

Also till he got bit older his brake system was faulty and occasionally crashed when running so could bowl little ones over 35kg of pure muscle

What about a whippet as not need so much walking