Constructive advice for puppy and young children

[Doodlekitty]

After lots of thought and discussion dh and I got a puppy. We tried rescues but it was a disaster and the only way we could see to get our much wanted dog was a puppy.

He's now 12 weeks old and the same breed as our previous dog. We also have a 3 year old and a 6 month old.

The plan was to get him while I'm on mat leave so he was settled and trained before I go back to work (our previous dof was a silver good citizen so I'm not new to this)

But I really had not anticipated how hard it would be. Pup nibbles at toddler and toddler kicks him causing escalation. No amount of praising correct behaviour or punishing son for kicking helps. I can't put the baby down as dog is all over him. No toys are safe from chewing despite millions of dog toys. He wees and poos everywhere as I can't always be there to interrupt behaviour.

This is a much wanted dog buy I feel like we have bitten off more than we can chew and it's destroying me.

We start puppy training classes next week. I'm hoping this will help but is there any advice out there for a mum at the end of her tether?

Thanks for all the advice and great resources, currently working through it all But we have had a really good couple of days. Dog being great (still a puppy but manageable ). One incident with 3 year old which led to us explaining that if the dog might get hurt or scared he would need to go back to the lady we got him from. Toddler got very upset and has been great with him ever since. Not expecting it to last but it's a bit of hope and a strategy moving forward

Reading all of this with interest. I've a 3 year old,a 15 month old, 10 year old dog and new puppy arriving next week. We're getting a cage for the puppy in the kitchen, and stair gates are on. I like the idea of an out door playpen as well. Any more tips anyone? We're hoping to train her as a working dog so she will be going out to work with DH when she's a bit older.

We got a puppy in the summer, and it has taken more time and effort to teach our 4yr old DS how to behave around the puppy than to train the puppy himself. The crate has been brilliant as a refuge for the pup. But we have had a lot of discussions about not being able to keep the dog unless DS is calmer and gentler with him.

After several months of worrying that it was never going to work it does feel like now like they will end up being great mates. We made sure we gave DS time without the pup around to have all his toys out and play without worrying about things being chewed, and likewise childfree time for the dog to play. We also never leave the two of them unsupervised for both of their safety, DS has been nipped several times by the dog but always it has been because he was being too rough or loud around the puppy. Both are now much gentler with each other and the learning journey will continue...

Good luck with your pup

I think you were brave to post, and i am appalled at any breeder selling a dpup to someone with such young DC/babies.

Like other's say. its not fair on anyone. the poor dpup will be feeling its always in the wrong. You cannot possibly be caging the dpup, as thats not fair on it, nor can you have 'lines' in a house with toddlers.

No wonder you feel as you do, the reason being, it is too much, and all are at risk, not least you! from the sound of your post it is too much.

it takes one playful snap from dpup to rip open toes, ears, face of baby/toddler.

I can hear that you got the dpup with the best intentions, and again, it is down to a breeder to tell you that it is very ill-advised and to not sell you a dpup because of the very real risks involved to all,, and not only that, but to give advise on management (if DC are old enough). Dpups can be extremely hard work, but are very snappy /nippy and will find having young ones around extremely stimulating so whilst you are busy trying to ward it off dc's, noises and movement are further stimulating it to more snapping.

DCs, without intention, encourage dpups to high levels of excitement and are a risky combo, the younger they [both] are, then the more risky.

My head spins at how you can possibly manage all this safely and without detriment to any party. Its hardly the best start for any is it?

You have some good advice already, but most of it is how to keep them all apart?! ... and i wonder at the point of that.

Again, you have been brave to post for guidance, and you have only done this because you thought you could, and i'm sure others, many, have done the same, and many more will continue to, but i do despair at breeders selling dpups into these situations, because its far from teh best start for a dpup, not knowing what the stress will produce in the adult ddog who would then get blamed for any 'bad' behaviour. Poor dpup
poor you and dc's.
and strength, and extra [wo]manpower to you. I think you need a lot more people around, or farm your dpup out to others during the day who can give it the time and training it needs without all the stress and hyper stimulation, just until this phase calms down and is under control.

I hope you can find some wiling volunteers - I'm sure you will!

x-posted there, and just seen that you have not been around to prevent harm to dpup and its perhaps unrealistic to expect it to be any other way.

You have to separare rooms for kids and pup I think? Baby/toddler gates?

What breed is the pup? A lively breed like a terrier or collie or a breed that is more likely to be calm as a grown up?

We got our puppy in the summer when I was off work with my dds- i was surprised by how hard it was at first. My youngest is 6 and she found him jumping about and nibbling quite hard so had to limit time they spend together at first. He's now grown in to a lovely, calm older puppy and both girls adore him. Hang in there with the training and toilet training- it will get better! Kongs are great for keeping them occupied. Especially if stuffed with natural yoghurt etc and frozen. Also plenty of short walks and training activities to use their brains and tire them out!

dpups should not be walked more than a few mins a day at this age, only once vax done if you doing them.

I know an 9 yr old who had her hair ripped out by an excited dpup jumping on her. Dpup is playing! Poor 9yr became terrified of her own dpup!

get extra people in to help as this could all go so horribly wrong and you are struggling alone from what you've said.

I know a small child who had some of her hair ripped out when she casually ran though a gate and caught a plait on the gate post. Random accidents happen. You cannot possibly use that as an argument against having a dog with children. It's ridiculous. Yes accidents happen but if they're brought up together properly there shouldn't be a problem. There's enough good advice out there nowadays and plenty of good dog trainers.

I'm currently watching my dds aged 6 and 9 curled up on the sofa with the ten month old lab. He adores them and they him. They love having him and I wouldn't deny them that for the sake of they 'might' have some random accident. They might slip over on the kitchen floor and break a leg but that doesn't mean they're banned from the kitchen.

a DC ripping her hair out on a gate is cleary a completely different thing to bring a live, biting, bouncing, animal with untrained sharp teeth into the house.

... and its nothing to do with being 'brought up properly' i have to disagree. A dpup cannot be trained to not cause damage in just one day, and remains an unassessable risk until they are older and trained (if thats attained without risk to the temperament of the ddog).

There are so many post on here with exactly these problems once they get a dpup.

Noone ever said that it doesn't work 'a lot' of the time, and yes there are bound to be lots of 'aw sofa moments'. Its not those I'm talking about, the possibility of a dangerous accident is massively increased by getting a dpup! whereas safety is increased by getting a gate - i can't believe you would even compare the two..

in fact why have i even replied! oh well done it now. but i hope people can see that getting dpups and having very young DC is a very risky business, and present risks on many levels and its the dc and dpups that have to face the worst of the consequences. Some /dpups are better than others depending on individual temperament and breed.

Hi all.

Don't want you all to think I'm not listening to advice. We have had a fab few days and I think progress is being made (touches wood).

Pup is a miniature poodle for those asking. We are using a crate only as a safes pace for pup when it chooses and overnight or if we go out for short time. Ds is not allowed to touch pup if in crate or eating.

Standing like a statue has worked wonders. I'm now walking round with squeaky toys in my pockets. As soon as ds stands like statue I squeak and pup comes to me for lots of fuss. Do is now at nursery 3 days and grants 1 day so pup and baby have all my attention. I've also roped in my mam for a bit so the times I'm on my own with all 3 are tiny which is really helping.

I understand the concern from people and maybe this was an error but I'm really hoping we can make this work.

Although, I do feel the need to ask, who exactly is supposed to have dogs? Those with young children are frowned upon. Those who work are frowned upon. Are dogs something only the retired can have?

i am hugely pleased to hear that you have extra hands there now for extra safety.

i'm no expert at mini poodles, but if well bred only know they can be very bright and so you stand a good chance at the right training going in quickly. I think they are also very devoted, and its good that its a miniature and other troubles come with more size and weight! Dpups will be dpups though and you have done brilliantly to achieve what you have already, sounds hard work to keep up but you have the motivation or you'd have given up by now.

Also good to have the feedback on the crate use, i've never used them and don't like the look of ddogs beeing shut up in them, but there's no doubt a lot of ddogs find them to be an escape and security, and there's every good reason for making dpup have set downtimes to sleep undisturbed for long periods and is a must to keep your dpup on an even keel and instil some balance and quiet in their nature, and control of themselves.

only people with time to give to them?

ddogs are pack animals, sociable by nature and the worst thing for them is being left alone for hours on end every day, which is why those who have a commutable job daily no, i don't believe its fair on a ddog to be stuck home alone and breeders are not happy for their precious dpups to go to such homes, which is why people often lie about their work situations knowing the breeder might not want them to have a ddog thats gonna be home alone all day every day. Emminently suited to the retired i would say! and anyone who's at home for whatever reason.

the rescue centres are full to bursting with ddogs that people couldn't manage, raised into biting nervous wrecks, they were all adored and dearly loved dpups once (unforeseen circumstances aside).

and its not so much 'frowned upon' as a judgement from high... its ill-advised due to the nature of raising dpups!

that reads wrong sorry!

its not some judgement from high ('frowned upon')... but very ill-advised

many breeders dont' care where their dpups end up and don't offer any follow-up support to the new owners, so long as they have their money sadly.

We have three giant breed rescue dogs (including one pup, well, she's fourteen months old now) and a toddler. It is hard work in the training stage, I take each dog outside once DS was asleep (DH watches him) and do a few hours training with them, one on one.

We don't crate train our dogs but we've trained them that they do not tear around the house and after ddog1 threw ddog2 through a wall we have a no play fighting inside rule. We have never had an incident of child skittles, and DS has been taught to be respectful to the dogs - they adore him and he them, nevertheless, they not left unsupervised.

We have an area of land fenced off for them if they want to rough house and where they can do whatever they want, DS isn't allowed in there. Is that an option for you?

Personally I don't like the puppy stage, and if ddog3 hadn't been on "death row" we wouldn't have adopted her. Luckily she is calm and as bombproof as a dog can ever be. It gets easier, I think patience and perseverance are key!

Oh, and baby slings were a godsend when DS was smaller and even now, meant I had my hands free!

Mother of hellbeasts please could you post a pic of your dogs on the pic thread? I'm desperate to see them having heard so much! Apologies if you have and I've missed it!

good call on the training to not romp inside the house. I do the same to prevent accidents to the ddogs, and others (and my interior generally! house interior that is!).

Shriek I was just citing the gate/hair accident as another most unlikely example of random injury. I don't know anyone that's had their hair pulled out by a puppy. You wouldn't go around telling everybody to avoid gates though would you?

I do agree that there are lots of badly brought up dogs in dogs homes. If they'd been properly brought up I guess a lot of them wouldn't be there. But you have to remember that there are thousands more, like ours, in loving, experienced, careful households that are well brought up, well trained and well treated. I think the Op probably falls into the latter camp so let's all be positive and jolly, shall we?

lets not pretend that raising dpups with the young IS a risky business, and nothing like put up stair-gates!!!!! haha! (that was my jolly bit!)

not random ... and dpups grab at hair, so really not random.

Maybe you should ask around in A&E about damage that 'the best raised dpups do' to DC and adults alike, but the adults make the choice.

i think its hard to be positive and jolly about the dire mistakes that many make around ddogs, i see on here many asking things that clearly breeders are not helping out with, its like these dpups are such a surprise?!?!? but thats nothing to do with those that manage it well, the issue here was about dpups and dc, and thats a worry and a real risk, which is not jolly and positive and pretending its not there.

Although yes, most ddogs we come across are lovely, well trained or no, just lovely gorgeous doggies, but there is an alarmingly high number who are not.

lets not pretend it ISN'T ... i meant... obvs - probs too late for replying end of day...

So, we'very had 1 training class and just got back from puppy socialisation. Conclusion is; I'm not doing too badly! Puppy seems on par with its peers. We have some guarding issues to address (mainly guarding us from other dogs!) But otherwise he's doing well

OP I take my hat off to you.

We got our pup in thw summer and ds was then 7.
Its been tough and I am so pleased I waited until this age to get her because its been hard!