Ive had a golden retriever puppy 4 days....and changed my mind

[Eliza22]

Does this happen? I feel overwhelmed.

Story...

My son is 14 and has autism and OCD. He has no friends despite many many efforts. He is high functioning. We've had his name on a list for an autism assistance dog for years but he's now too old for the list. A year ago, we sourced a breeder and decided to get him the doggy companion ourselves. So far so good. Two litters went by....no bitch for us until now.

The pup is beautiful. Full of energy but very clever, as these Goldens are! But, my son is tearful and upset (and so am I) because we have a beloved cat who is 7. She has taken the dog very, very badly. Last night, my son came to me in tears saying "I miss Tallulah (the cat), I want the dog to go away if we are going to lose Tallulah".

I should add....I'm 53 and menopausally emotional at the best of times. Have I made a massive mistake? We've had the idea of a golden retriever companion for our son for so so long, what HAVE I done?! I feel like ringing the breeder and saying keep the cash....I've made a mistake.

Help!

[pigsDOfly]

Puppies are very hard work and it's an enormous change for your family so don't be afraid to admit you made a mistake if you feel you can't do it.

Have you thought about rescuing an older dog. Not all rescues have behaviour issues or come from bad backgrounds; there are so many out there you might just find the right dog for you. A nice calm older dog might be just right for your son.

You could try a breed specific rescue if breed is important to you.

As pp have said you need to send the puppy back asap if you decided that's what's best.

[Eliza22]

DH and my sister and mum are all really cross with me and can't understand why I'd even consider it. She IS beautiful. I feel such a failure if I don't succeed at this but, it's not a job or a challenge, it's a dog, a life.

[Eliza22]

Also, the breeder has given me till Saturday whereas everyone is saying "that's too soon, you can't make the decision in 7 days....give it a month or so". But then he won't regime her for us.

[Eliza22]

re-home her, for us. That should read.

[insanityscatching]

I think seven days isn't really long enough either although it is better for the puppy to go to a new home whilst she is still tiny.
What I would say is that we found the first two or three weeks easier than the next month or so as Eric was particularly nippy weeks 11 to 14 and then again when he was about 9 months old and turned into the stroppy teenager.
I think that if you don't feel you can face months of upheaval,although don't get me wrong we still had lots of fun too, then maybe this puppy isn't right for your family.

[ender]

I thnk rehoming ASAP is the best thing to do in your situation. I had my lab from a pup and he was bouncy and bitey and really hard work for the first year. Would have been impossible if I'd had a child with autism and OCD.
i agree with the poster who suggested an adult rescue. If you get one in foster care it'll have been assessed and you'll know whether its OK with cats etc.

[basildonbond]

that's very dodgy of the breeder - when we bought our puppy our contract states that if we ever have to give him up we can only take him back to the breeder and he will live with her until she can rehome him. I can't envisage that ever happening but even if he were well into adulthood we would still be able to take him back

[BrendaBlackhead]

Where are you, Eliza? (Just vaguely...) I wonder if a)anyone doggy could help you make a decision.

I am on your other thread and I know how awful the initial days (months) are. I really wanted to give dog back. I felt I'd just volunteered for a prison sentence and would never be able to go out again. Admittedly, dogs are a bit of a tie and you have to be hard-hearted about finding dog boarding/kennels for them and you do have to plan in advance. You can't think, "Oh, I'll go to Westfield/National Trust property/beach today," because you've got a big hairy responsibility.

I stuck it out and dog is my favourite member of the family (!) but I do understand how miserable it can be at first. I can remember trying to sleep on the sofa with a nocturnal puppy who had ripped my nightdress to shreds, and crying my eyes out.

[GatoNaranja]

The cat will return when she realises that she'll have to forage for food in the wild your neighbour's gardens.

What might be good is to offer kitty a safe place to St

[BrendaBlackhead]

I would second insanity and ender in that the worst days do go on for months! It's like a baby, no one warns you about the bad bits, but with a retriever you've got a mad toddler who weighs a good few stone. Dd was quite scared of dog for a while because he bit and knocked her over. Given your ds, you have to try to weigh up whether it's worth the wait and the amount of effort. A golden retriever is the best dog. They like humans and interact with them. You couldn't ask for a better friend. But... they don't come oven ready and need a lot of input to get the sort of dog you see padding round out and about looking like an advert for a family dog!

[GatoNaranja]

Argh pressed send too soon...

What might be good is to give your cat a safe place in the house - that is up high - to eat and sleep. Our cats weren't allowed in the utility worktops until our pup came home. Now they use them as a sanctuary from the overload of affection that the dog wants to give them! Also if your cat is allowed upstairs to sleep and your dog is kept strictly downstairs this is good too.

Our cats flounced off for a few days but two years later are resigned to the dog. In fact they almost seem quite fond of her and will tolerate her licking attacks and whimpers of affection whenever they come near!

[Eliza22]

You've all been really kind and helpful and thank you so much. I think the breeder is thinking of his pup and that's as it should be. Our (human) feelings are irrelevant. My ds is very hard work at the moment. He's desperate to make some friends (has none....which is why we wanted a doggy companion for him). Last night he was at the park trying to "make friends". He was in a little group. I was sat in my car in the car park but under strict instructions to be out of sight. I told him to join me on the car park when he wanted to come back. I then saw him crying (he's 14) as the kids had been dragging him round by his ankles, took his phone off him to set a lighter to it, picked him up by the ankles and shoulders then dropped his head end on the grass. His glasses got broken and his jeans ripped. I am appalled. We live in a nice quiet, Cheshire market town and these kids are from the local and best school in the area. More tears! When I got home, the dog was subdued looking but cheered up by a big play in the garden, with me.

[Eliza22]

I want to name you all individually for the points you've made....but I have a puppy to entertain!!

I'm going to buy the Feliway diffuser, for the cat. She has surfaced this morning and is upstairs, asleep, having eaten her food up there. I've been stroking her and listening to the dog whining downstairs but trying to block it out!

Can I keep coming back for reassurance needy cow

[CheerfulYank]

Wtf Eliza! The dog aside, your poor poor poor DS! I'm livid for him and so sad too. How could those kids treat him that way?!

[SunshineAndShadows]

Of course you can Eliza!

Oh your poor DS kids are just awful sometimes. Has he shown any interest in the pup - will he play with her?

[LittleCandle]

I am horrified by what happened to your DS. Poor guy. We got a puppy 5 years ago, with three cats in the house. The cats were all terrified, despite having smelt the dog from our clothes when we chose him etc. We lost one cat to the road a few months after getting the puppy, but the other two cats tolerate him. Both are still inclined towards the death stare and they will never be friends, although the dog would love to be! He doesn't help matters by biffing the cats up the bum as they go out the cat flap! My cats are rather quirky and were 7 when the dog arrived, but they all settled down together. Good luck. It is good that the cat is home and settled.

[BrendaBlackhead]

Your poor ds - that's appalling. But ime boys who congregate in parks are... not the best friend material. It was brave of your ds to try to join in with them, even if it ended up unhappily.

Has he bonded with the dog at all? If anyone has had a bad day here, the dog is the first port of call for a big cuddle.

[YouBastardSockBalls]

I hope you report those little bastards for assault. Your poor DS.

I would persevere with the pup. The cat will come round, and all this will be forgotten.

I would give it a month. If it's really still bad, you will easy rehome a golden retriever under a year old. Truly. It's not Saturday or nothing

[Floralnomad]

I would ring 101 and report what happened to your son or at least have a word with the local community officer ( details should be online) what you've described is an assault ! good luck with the dog ( and the cat) .

[BrendaBlackhead]

Agree with YouBastard, give it a bit longer, and don't worry about rehoming - I'll have her! Golden retrievers are not pitbull crosses - they hardly ever end up in rescue and if so they are quickly snapped up. In fact there is a golden retriever rescue society which fosters golden retrievers in houses until they find new homes. I met someone the other day who had a rescue retriever. He was gorgeous and had been rehomed because the original owners had got him and gone out to work all day leaving him home alone for ten hours. And they wondered why he wasn't housetrained in a year? The new owner said he was housetrained in a week.

[Eliza22]

Brenda they were girls and a couple of boys

[BrendaBlackhead]

They are just nasty bullies. Your poor ds. How cruel of them.

Has your ds tried Scouts? The people there are usually very caring and the sort of children it attracts are friendly and accommodating and open to people with extra needs. Because they do activities you can concentrate on that rather than having to do the "interact with friends" thing full on.

[ThisIsClemFandango]

Your poor son

Cats are funny things but in all honesty I think she will come round.
Our cat reacted very badly to our baby. Worse than I even imagined she might. Unfortunately I didn't have the option to take the baby back and I couldn't bear to rehome the cat. So I gave it a while. A few months later things are completely different, and she loves our DS. Literally loves him. All I'm saying is even though the initial reaction was bad, it doesn't mean things will stay that way. I can only recommend that you give her a lot of love, plenty of space to herself and she will likely sulk, then eventually accept it and get on with it. With the pup - IME a bond might take a while, because they are so hard work to begin with. But a bond will undoubtedly come in time. Good luck.

[insanityscatching]

I am so sad to read about your ds and agree with the others that it needs reporting. I wonder if you have considered looking for SN youth clubs for your ds to make friends at? Contacting the NAS or MENCAP would be a way of finding out what is on in your area. Does your son have hobbies that there may be a way of making friends with people with similar interests? I know around here fantasy gaming seems to attract a fair few on the spectrum and they meet weekly for games and tournaments. I know how tough it is for ASD teens, ds is 20 now and it's only in the last couple of years he's had friends most likely because young adults are more accepting and tolerant than teens in my experience.

[TheoriginalLEM]

i wonder if you had your expectations too too high. i have read many stories about the wonderful bond between dogs and autistic children. Bit unreasonable to expect this straight away. completely understandable though.

reading about your son is heart rending .i so want this to work for you.

The cat will get used to the dog. i promise. give it a week or two.

i have initially felt regret for every dog i have owned. its perfectly natural.

i wish i could help. i am willing to bet that your ds will come round.

you have time. your pup would be easy to rehome. give it a couple of weeks. let the animals get used to each other. don't force pup on your son. tell him it is his job to make lots of fuss of the cat do she doesn't feel left out. a few swipes on the nose will soon establish shes still the boss. ive never knowna dog cat house hold where the cat hasn't ruled the roost

as for those basyards in the park. i have no words. i hope you called the police.