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The doghouse

If you're worried about your pet's health, please speak to a vet or qualified professional.

Original poster

How long will this last :-(

43 replies

Ducky23 · 14/05/2015 10:53

I am heartbroken.

My 4 yo perfectly healthy dog was sat on the sofa fine the other night at 12.30am. When I got up at 3am to feed ds, my lovely dog was dead. No warning.

I feel awful. Maybe if I had woken earlier I could of got him to the vets. I feel awful that I was upstairs asleep while he was downstairs dying. He was so lovely.

Sad
OP posts:
Sparklepup · 16/05/2015 11:37

So sorry for your loss - that must have been a huge shock for you. Definitely try the blue cross line. I called them after I lost my two dogs within weeks of each other. They were elderly, but neither were expected. Blue cross really helped me come to terms with what happened, and in time (after swearing I would never get another dog as was so painful to lose them) I got another dog - not to replace them - but for company and to be able give another dog a home.

Burning I feel for you - I felt exactly the same for a long while. There's no time limit but it does get better though I promise.

Original poster
Ducky23 · 16/05/2015 14:47

Thank you everyone, have e mailed them. Couldn't call as if I mention it I'm a wreck! Do you know what I can expect?

It gives me some comfort that it's likely he was asleep when it happened. He is buried in the back garden with his favorite toy. Have been and got him some flowers today

OP posts:
BurningBridges · 16/05/2015 18:44

Hi again Ducky - I used the e-mail too, they come back within 48 hours so probably Monday, and I got a full reply not just a couple of lines. You can then continue the "conversation" if you wish or just leave it at that.

And hello to everyone else who is suffering and those who talked to me about their experiences when my dog died; I got so much support from everyone on here, I wouldn't have been able to cope. Initially I was worried it was more than just bereavement, I thought I would go mad with it, I had panic attacks etc but researching the depth of grief that loss of a pet brings has at least made it easier for me to accept, this is how it is.

Ducky does the vet have any idea why your DDog died? Is it a sort of sudden heart failure? We had our DDog cremated, then we got a new tree and prepared a plot in our front garden and buried his ashes and favourite ball under the tree. I am going to get a slate plaque and have chosen the words " 'Twas heaven with you here" from a poem I found on another pet bereavement site. All these things, like preparing his plot, having the charity day yesterday, getting the plaque etc. I resent them, but they sort of have to be done if that makes sense.

Original poster
Ducky23 · 16/05/2015 19:01

I spoke to a few different vets, just to see if any would have a better idea. All of them said there was no signs at all of anything being wrong, therefore the only thing they could think is that he had heart problems and suffered a heart attack Sad

People are kind of treating me like I'm nuts in RL now Hmm they think I'm being dramatic about how upset I am.

Truth is he was my best friend (I know it sounds mad Confused). Last year my dd was stillborn, il never forget walking in the house coming home from having her and I sat on the sofa, he immediately came running over to me and just lay on top of me, he knew something was wrong so stayed with me all night he even followed me to the toilet

When I brought him, I was in a room full of puppies, I remember he was the first one I saw and I knew straight away I would have him. There was just something special about him.

now I do sound like a crazy lady!

OP posts:
BurningBridges · 16/05/2015 23:23

Ducky I think you have just told us why you are do devastated, you have suffered a terrible loss prior to this. I think you are experiencing something called complicated grief. But really people in RL should have a bloody clue, you lost a child and now this?! I've PM'd a description of complicated grief to you which you might find interesting.

My heart goes out to you, and none of it sounds mad.

EasyToEatTiger · 17/05/2015 00:04

What a terrible thing to have happened. What a catastrophic loss. You don't sound mad at all, and well done for articulating here what has happened. You are not alone. My heart goes out to you too.

DunelmDoris · 17/05/2015 08:48

I have nothing to add but just wanted to send you some hugs. You're not crazy or weird. The relationship we have with our pets is often closer than that we have with friends or family - they are with us every day, we never argue with them, and they love us unconditionally and with all of themselves. Furthermore he's helped you cope with an enormous loss. How you are feeling is completely normal.

If you want to share a picture of him please do x

PacificDogwood · 17/05/2015 08:57

Ducky, I am so sorry for your loss Thanks

This happened to my BiL whose young lab was absolutely fine when they went to bed at night and dead in the morning Sad.

Losing a much loved pet is hard enough as it is, but so suddenly just makes it worse as you had no time to prepared.

I see people with bereavement issues as part of my job and my heart always goes out to those who are grieving over a pet but feel they are 'not allowed' to grieve because it was 'only' an animal. I am sorry you feel that people in RL give you the impression they think you are somehow weird in your reaction to this loss - I just want to reassure you that you are NOT.

IME and IMO dogs leave such a huge hole in our lives because their love is so absolute and unconditional. Our relationships with our dogs are not complicated and they are honest, always honest: in how happy they are to see us, how they miss us and how they enjoy our company.

I still remember the feeling I had when I was told that the dog I grew up with had been hit by a car and died while I was away on holiday. The house was empty for weeks and months after her death.

Accept how you are feeling. Your strength of feeling at his loss is simply a reflection of how strong your relationship was - it's a credit to what you shared.

PacificDogwood · 17/05/2015 08:59

Ducky, I wrote my post before reading about your stillborn daughter - the death of a baby, I think, is the hardest of all.
Of course your dog's death will be much harder to bear because of that as well. I am so sorry - life can be very unfair sometimes Sad

Original poster
Ducky23 · 17/05/2015 10:12

Thank you so much for your kind words everyone x

OP posts:
BurningBridges · 17/05/2015 10:56

www.gvsl.org/complicated.html

BurningBridges · 17/05/2015 11:00

link to information on "complicated grief" in case anyone else is interested.

We're all behind you Ducky.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 17/05/2015 21:06

Oh Sad
I'm not a "Dog Person" Ducky but your boy sounds like a one in a million.

You chose him/he chose you from the litter.
He was your rock when your DD died.
And it sounds like this very special dog left this life quietly and uneventfully on his sofa. In his sleep where he was comfy.
That must be a comfort to you?

Original poster
Ducky23 · 17/05/2015 21:46

Thank you Sad

The people e mailed me back, they sent me a lovely e mail but I've only read the start as it's making me upset again!

Everyone who has responded on this thread has really really helped make me feel slightly better. I cannot thank you all enough for your kind words x

OP posts:
Original poster
Ducky23 · 17/05/2015 22:02

And burning that does sound like me Sad I am not sleeping and am constantly up in the night checking that ds & my other dog is breathing Sad

I don't know if i mentioned before, I have another dog, she is a rescue and has always been very poorly and has cost £££££££ in vet bills when I took her I understood that she will not have a very long life, it was discussed fully with the vet and he didn't expect her to live this long! I took her thinking would just make her as happy as possible after she had a horrible start in life, it's a shock that he has gone and she's still going strong! I'm just terrified that something else will happen now. They say it comes in threes Sad

OP posts:
EasyToEatTiger · 18/05/2015 20:34

I have been in the situation of not believing that good things could last or that I deserved them to happen at all. It's awful going through life expecting the next crash. Please find as many people in RL as well as here to help you to shine a light in dark places. Is there anyone near you who can (literally) hold you? Or in the absence of someone else, can you hold yourself?

Original poster
Ducky23 · 18/05/2015 20:58

I've had a few e mails from the pet bereavement place that was mentioned earlier in the thread, they have helped and this thread has made a huge difference, so many kind words. Everyone in RL just thinks I'm being dramatic or that I'm over it Hmm

It still feels very empty without him.

I don't want to sound like a right depressing sod but I can't help thinking in just waiting for the next bad thing to happen now!

OP posts:
EasyToEatTiger · 18/05/2015 23:00

You're not being over dramatic, and your reactions are very very normal. I know it may not help when you are feeling so let down by life. I really think you are allowed to scream and scream and scream with pain. It is awful to just go on as though nothing has happened.

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