DD present when our old dog pts?

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Our old girl (15) is coming to the end of things, and I know I shall have to get her put to sleep soon. She has been with through divorce and many changes, so I am finding it pretty tough. However my DD (11) is an only child and also been pretty close to her through these times. I don't know whether she should be there at the end or how to manage it ....

Speak to her.

I guess she knows things are coming to an end. I would let her be there if she wants to. I'd also pay a bit more and get the vet to come to the house.

Sorry you are going through this.

Also...

it's really really hard but it might be a good (if you can call it that) experience for her. A time to say goodbye and share it together. So hard. Makes me want to cry just thinking about it...

My DD was 12 & DS was 9 and they wanted to be with our two elderly yorkies. It was important to them that they were there and I must say that I was surprised they felt that way as I'd never stayed with any dogs we'd had up until that point. I won't say it was easy. It wasn't. But the vet made it as gentle as he could. He sedated them first and left us with them, then did the same when they'd been pts. The kids were devastated but still (at 20/17) feel it was the right thing to do.

My dcs were 7 & 9 when one of our ddogs was pts. It happened very very quickly and we barely had time to think. I asked the dcs if they wanted to be there and told them (between howls) that it was fine to be upset. In the event, the vet came to the house and we were all there with ddog. Ddog is still very much in our hearts and minds although physically he is hopefully helping the garden. There is no perfect way, but I think it helps to be honest.

My childhood dog was pts at home with just my dad present. I didn't know beforehand that it was going to happen, I don't think my dad decided until that morning. He called me/my sister a few hours after.

Obviously I knew it was on the horizon but I'm pleased I didn't know until after. I couldn't have coped with it and I was 24.

Do whatever you feels right.

Our children wernt there as it happened but they where there for the burying as they new the dog had gone to the vets poorly. We didn't have much time to think about it we made an appointment for a pup this morning due to being off and it ended up after X-rays and blood tests the ony good outcome for the poor chaps. They where upset and our oldest is having the day off school school but I don't think they would of coped seeing it happen all they saw was a blanket which they asked if the pup was in.

You need to discuss it with your dd and see what she wants to do , I was about 13 when I first witnessed an animal being PTS ,it was my dog and I wanted to take her and stay . Neither of my dc has so far chosen to be present when any of our animals have died but they have accompanied me taking the deceased to the crematorium .

Do talk to dd about it, and describe what will happen (this will be helpful for her to know whatever she decides about whether or not she wants to be there). I'm sorry.

I think it depends on your DD. Even with adults ,some people can feel distressed by watching the procedure and prefer to remember the animal as it was rather than the last memory being the PTS. If people around are upset this can make the dog feel anxious and worried that something is up. The actual procedure of putting a needle in the vein is the same whether a blood sample is being taken/fluids or an anaesthetic are being given or the dog is being PTS, the animal has no concept of what is actually happening but obviously could pick up vibes from people around if they are distressed that there is something to be frightened about.
Usually it happens very smoothly, but sometimes a vein can be difficult to access or after being given the injection there can be twitching or gasping(agonal breathing) which can be hard to watch.
On the other hand you may feel it's very important to be there and feel your daughter is mature enough to cope.
It's a very personal thing so only you and your DD can decide.
Our DC were given the option and didn't want to be there.
It's a very difficult time, sorry you're going through this and have this hard decision to make.

I want 30 when we had our last dog pts and couldn't be there. We took him to the vet and I stayed while he was sedated but then left. Dh couldn't even come into the surgery with me, he waited in the car park.....

I have posted about this before, so won't go into too much detail. I have been present when a number of my pets were PTS and a few years back would have said how it is peaceful, etc because that was all I had seen. The last 2 dogs I was with however, were elderly - both 14 - one a friend's dog - he couldn't stay in the room so I did - and one, my own beloved bull terrier.

It wasn't peaceful or easy or quick and after death my own did this horrific thing called 'agonal breathing'. (Google it - mine went on a full minute or two - it would be terrible for a child to see). It was Sept 1st and I am still having nightmares.

I am also glad that after the first experience with my friend's elderly dog who was obviously distressed as he was dying, I knew to make my kids stay home. My two youngest are 12 and 14 so had her all their lives. But my older kids are 20, 21 and 25 and even as adults I doubt they could handle, or I'd want them to handle - what I saw.

The vet just said casually ("Oh that's just reflexes - it happenes with old dogs sometimes, and they take longer to go because they might have a compromised circulation system". Well thanks a bunch. Youshould have told me before you stuck the needle in.

I was so shocked I did a lot of reading afterwards and discovered the agonal breathing is actually a sign the dog has already gone. But it looked terrifying. She looked distressed (but she was brain dead). I wouldn't even want my 25 year old to have seen that.

We went home and told the kids she died quickly and peacefully. None of them know my name on here, btw.

Oh and to add - I didn't know sedation prior to the PTS needle, was an option. Or I'd have opted for it.

DD was a little older at 15 when Bob was PTS, he'd been her constant companion from the age of 2 when he suddenly became ill so it wasn't something we'd planned ahead for.

She hadn't been there 18 months prior when we'd lost our other dog but she was especially close to Bob. The vets had called and asked us to come in and say goodbye to him. We'd said she could have a cuddle then go out but at the last minute she decided that not only did she want to stay she wanted to be the one to hold him and cuddle him.

It was very very hard, we were all there together as a family. If you ask DD she'll tell you she dealt with Bob dying much better than our other boy because she was there for him right to the end.
I think you can make plans now but until the time actually comes and you have to walk through the door she wont know for sure what she wants to do.

Thinking of you all. It's such a hard time for any family.

Joffrey that sounds awful - my beloved Ddog was PTS 2 months ago. He was so important to DD age 11 that I got her home from school (other older DD was off sick in any case). We stroked him and cuddled him, and at the end I held him, my only regret is he was facing DD and that bothers her too - she says she was the last thing he saw and that worries her. Afterwards she held him in her arms for 2 hours whilst we organised the crematorium.

He also did the breathing you mention, but only for a second or so. Having our beautiful dog PTS aged only 5 is something I don't think our family will get over any time soon and you know what, I think may be we should stop trying to get over it, but to answer OPs original question, I am glad we were all together at the end even though some people thought we were mad. We loved him so much. Do talk to your DD, and your vet.

Burning the agonal breathjing went on for a minute or even longer (it felt like the best part of five minutes - it can't have been, but it was definitely longer than a minute). The vet went out of the room and left us with her doing this horrendous thing, like she was trying to draw breath, and with only a breezy, inadequate explanation. Yes, I get it if you are a middle aged vet you have done this a million times but even though I have worked with dogs and been with a fair few at the end, I had never seen owt like it. It went on and on. I was so glad in retrospect none of my kids saw it. I know it would haunt them, even though, like me no doubt they'd have looked it up online and seen objectively, it meant the dog was already out of it. Now that overlays my memories of her. And of all my dogs she was The One - gentle, sweet natured, a totally beautiful, perfect soul - she was the one who didn't deserve anything but to slip away gently. It was truly horrendous.

My husband and I both held onto her. She was always terrified of vets, to the point she'd faint when she was there (eye ops when she was 4). But the week she went we didn't have enough money to pay for the vet to come here and do it and tbh, I'm glad we didn't now as my kids would have seen it or it would have happened in my living room and I think I'd have to move house!

I don't know how common it is but having seen it - I'd never want a child of mine in the room, even if the risk of that happening was only 1%.

We left our sons at home, whilst we went to do the deed - the vet's is about 8 miles from here - so we left the adult sons caring for the younger two. They cried and cried all day but they had their big brothers. And we had long enough in the car going home to pull ourselves together enough to fake the "It was so peaceful" line. But it was so awful, I haven't even pulled one of my grown up sons aside to tell them, either, since. I can't bear it. I'd rather leave that image in their minds of her slipping away gently.

I'm not exaggerating - I just want to put this out there, because I had seen a number of dogs PTS in my time and would have sworn to anyone "No, it's fine - take the kids!" before this last 2 dogs. Both elderly, so both probably had circulation problems. When my 6 year old dog was PTS he went out in a split second, like a light. It isn't always that easy, though.

So sorry Joffrey I can truly imagine what you are going through - thank god your children didn't see it whatever age they are. My DDog who died recently was The One for us too. No wonder they have specific pet bereavement counselling if its this bad, I've had so many close people die I thought I was an old hand at grief but this is on a whole new level.

My mum died when I was a child, and last year my best friend died - two life changing events albeit 30+ years apart but the thing they had in common was that I didn't get to see either of them before they died. I wonder how the OP's DD would feel if she didn't get to see her best friend if you see what I mean? I also wonder if the breathing is minimised if the pet has the sedative first (I think that's what my dog had there were two injections?)

Am a vet - just posting to say that in my experience (25 years) the chances of agonal breathing are higher if they are sedated first, which is why most vets don't do it routinely, although I and most others will certainly do it if the dog is likely to be distressed by handing. Even after 25 years I find they don't all go smoothly. I try to explain the procedure beforehand, but it's a hard balance to strike because they mostly don't have agonal breathing and it upsets owners more if you tell them about all these possible things that probably won't happen, but of course if one had a crystal ball one would know which cases to warn the owner about. It's always awful if things don't go smoothly, and I can assure you the vet will probably feel awful too. Most euthanasias go well, but I would always prefer a child came in afterwards rather than witnessing it, especially a young child who might not be clear on what is happening or that this is different from other injections. A peaceful euthanasia can be a profoundly moving and helpful way for the owner to say goodbye, but vets are human too and it doesn't always go exactly as one would hope. If you are having a dog put down at home, it really helps if everyone is calm and the dog is somewhere with reasonable levels of light and where it is comfortable. Any vet will have stories of being expected to find a vein under a table in a dark room with four or five people sobbing nearby, and those sorts of situations are challenging for anyone. My sympathy to anyone in this sad position; most vets would be happy to talk through the procedure with you before or afterwards. If something troubles you then ask. Hope this helps.

That's interesting to know about the sedation increasing the risk of agonal breathing. Would never have guessed that. At least, you'd feel confident the dog was 'out of it', knowing they were sedated prior, I guess.

It might have helped for the vet surgery to have a leaflet about it to give you afterwards, with clear info - as vets are like doctors, they don't all have a great bedside manner - but that would be some kind of damage limitation? Then again, I am one of those people who is reassured by information. Once I went home and looked it up (because the vet's explanationw as truly inadequate) I knew my dog was gone at that point. It still is a very haunting thing to have in your head, though.

I wanted to be honest about it on this and similar threads as until I saw first my friend's 14 year old then my 14 year old PTS, I would have breezily reassured people that they should take their child if the child wanted to go. Most people have the less traumatic experience of it and I know if I hadn't had the two bad experiences, I wouldn't have even known it could go less than smoothly. My friend's dog didn't do the agonal breathing, but he didn't die quickly, and he was making these horrible crying sounds. I felt so sorry for him - it was a dog I didn't even like, either but went to support my friend and then when he walked out because he couldn't cope, I felt the dog would be scared without a familiar, calm face so I stayed. I told my friend afterwards the dog died instantly and without knowing a thing, of course. It was interesting that the vet never sent him a bill. So I think something went wrong.

The last dog before this one we had PTS it was very fast indeed - he just fell to the ground like a sack of spuds and was gone. The kids saw him afterwards as we wrapped him in his blanket and buried him at home. I was in such shock after our little girl went, that we just left her there. So the kids never saw her afterwards. I'm not sure if seeing them when they are gone is comforting or not, I suppose we're all different and some children might need that and others wouldn't.

I think most people wouldn't want a leaflet about it, TBH - it would be very hard to put in enough detail to cover the (rare) times when something goes wrong without scaring everyone else needlessly. It's just a hard thing all round. Features highly on the cause list of the high levels of mental illness for vets, as well as obviously being very difficult for the owners. To go back to the OP, I'd say certainly seeing the body afterwards can be helpful; most people have a clear idea of how they would personally like to say goodbye. Sorry you have to make the decision.

Just to echo what Alice has said, sedation would not prevent agonal gasps. It also just adds an extra intervention which is rarely necessary, so I only sedate animals which are likely to be distressed by handling or which become resistant.

I do actually offer to very briefly run through the whole procedure with my clients before we start. I explain what will happen in which order, explain that the animal will experience the same as a human undergoing a general anaesthetic, and warn that it can be extremely quick, that the eyes will remain open, and that they may pee, poo, tremble or gasp afterwards, but that these things only happen once the pet has gone and they won't be aware of them. Nine times out of ten this is unnecessary but I think it's easier than trying to explain it once it's already happened and the owner is even more distressed.

Euthanasia is very hard and upsetting for vets as well as owners, and I can promise that the one which go wrong haunt the vets too. From losses of my own pets I know how magnified this experience can be in your mind, and I'm always upset if I can't make it as "good" as it can be. But as Alice says, with the best will in the world it sometimes doesn't go to plan. I'm sorry that it's disturbed you so much Joffrey but it's nobody's fault, and the dog didn't suffer.

To the OP, I'd suggest you talk to your vet. They know your dog, and will have an idea of how smooth the procedure is likely to be. That might help you to decide whether to have your DD present. I think for a child of that age, provided she understands everything that's happening, it might be helpful for her to be present.

I hope your old girl ends her days with peace and dignity x

Dd was seven when our old boy was put to sleep. We went in to day goodbye and give him a chew and then left the room. Thirty seconds later we were called back in, old boy had his eyes open and was still warm. Dd had the chance to say goodbye. She had written him a letter and the vet nurse said she had read it to him as he went to sleep
It was her first experience of death and a good one - if it can ever be good.
My dad died earlier this year and I know the experience with her old dog helped her get through this.