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How can I dissuade my friend from getting a dog?

25 replies

QueenBean · 07/05/2015 11:28

I have a colleague and sort-of friend, let's call her Sophie

Sophie lives in a very small flat, on the 3rd floor with no outside space. She lives alone. She works an hour away from home, full time often 8am - 6pm. She also plays sport and has many holidays booked this year. She is currently training for a marathon and will be going oversees in the autumn to run it.

She approached some rescues about getting a dog and they mostly refused, for the full time work / no outside space / small flat reasons. She was told that she could possibly be housed with an older dog but Sophie doesn't want that, she wants a cute puppy.

She has found a puppy on a pre-loved website and I feel so damn sad for it. The puppy is a cross of some sort and the owner says that they "rescued" the dog from a cruel owner, but now the puppy is too energetic for this new owner so they are getting rid of it. The puppy also snaps, and is destructive. If the seller doesn't get rid of the puppy in a few weeks, they will take it to the shelter.

I pointed out to Sophie that this dog isn't suitable for her. The dog clearly needs time and attention devoted to it and a stable home. Sophie's house isn't suitable and it's just not fair to bring a dog to another home where it's owner won't be around. It will become even more destructive. Sophie's argument is that she will give the dog more love and a better home than the dog shelter.

I really want a dog too but I work full time and live alone in a flat, and explained all my reasons for not getting a dog. I pointed out how unfair it would be for this rescue dog to live with Sophie and that the rescues have had good reason for saying she shouldn't have a dog. I have even pointed out that she has no floor to ceiling windows so the poor dog couldn't even look out the window when it's by itself. Sophie has now said that maybe she could put the dog in a bit of shared backyard during the day when she's at work. This is beyond stupid and I feel angry at her.

Sophie is now moaning that everyone is telling her what a terrible idea getting this puppy is but she will not listen.

I feel so sad for the life of this puppy already, even before it ends up living in such inappropriate quarters. The dog doesn't need someone to love it, it needs a master and care and attention.

I can't really say much more to her. She's my colleague so I can't be too brutal to her in the way that I would to a friend.

Not sure really why I am posting, just out of anger and frustration and sadness at the absolute stupidity of this person. So unfair for this poor dog.

Is there anything else I can do do you think?

OP posts:
SunshineAndShadows · 07/05/2015 11:35

The PDSA have some good guidance on what dogs need and the absolute minimum is covered in the DEFRA code of conduct for dogs. Maybe tell her that the biggest killer of dogs under 3 in the UK is euthanasia due to behavioural problems. Because people don't meet their needs. They're social animals and need lots of contact. What's her plan whilst she's at work? Or away? Dog walker? Kennels? If she's thought this through then she should have a plan so perhaps asking her specific questions might get her to think a bit more. Puppies need to go outside every 20-30 minutes when they're being toilet trained - how will she do this if she's working?

The lack of outside space is actually less of an issue - owners without a garden spend more time walking their dogs than owners with a garden who tend to use the garden instead

Bostin · 07/05/2015 11:40

I don't think you can. I tried to dissuade a friend for similar reasons (full time job etc) but I soon stopped when I realised it was pissing her off no end and making her more determined to do it.
She got the dog, her flat is trashed, the dog is not trained and is overweight. I am sure she regrets it now.

tomatodizzymum · 07/05/2015 13:51

Unfortunatly there's nothing you can do.

If she really loved dogs, she wouldn't do it so she's only thinking of herself and not the dog Sad

Hoppinggreen · 07/05/2015 14:01

You can't. A family member posted on FB about getting a dog.
Without exception everyone told her it was a bad idea but she did it anyway.
We were all right sadly.
Dog gets the basics but nobody really wants him

QueenBean · 07/05/2015 14:43

I know there's nothing really really that I can do, just can't believe how selfish some people are. A dog is not a toy!!!

OP posts:
BagelwithButter · 07/05/2015 16:05

Will she be put off by giving her details re. the cost of getting/maintaining a dog?

Initial cost
Vaccinations
Spaying/neutering
Food
Toys
Annual booster vaccinations
Pet Insurance
Kennels/dog sitter for holidays
Dog walker every day
etc etc

Also, tell her that, if the puppy is already snappy and destructive, then it will only get worse if it's left alone all day.

Tell her that her flat will smell of poo... where is dog supposed to do his business when it's shut in all day?

AND, is she even allowed pets in her flat? Many tenancy agreements will have a no-pets clause.

SonceyD0g · 07/05/2015 16:08

Could she be persuaded to get a couple of kittens instead?

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 07/05/2015 16:45

Or a goldfish.

Honestly. Some people are too ignorant and selfish to understand. Perhaps loud slow words of one syllable might help her?

Point her in our direction. We'll bloody tell her. No problem.

QueenBean · 07/05/2015 19:11

Love that response mrsadorabelle

She is a lawyer like me (hence me knowing the long hours and unpredictability of knowing work hours!). This also means that she is very well paid so is absolutely fine with all the costs.

She even said "the dog will have its own room" which she means is a single spare room. Dogs don't want a bedroom!

OP posts:
crassula · 07/05/2015 19:17

Could you persuade her to approach a rescue centre and ask about fostering a dog? Get her to understand that it would be a good way to get accustomed to a dog with her lifestyle before fully committing? Probably no rescue centre would allow her to foster, but hopefully she would learn. Even if they did, the experience might bring it home to her

QueenBean · 07/05/2015 19:18

She did approach rescue centres but they all said no due to her working hours / circs

Some said she could possibly be matched to an older dog that is fine by itself but she doesn't want one - she wants a pup

OP posts:
tomatodizzymum · 07/05/2015 19:54

Do you know anyone with a puppy they could take to her flat? It might (hopefully) chew something while it's there and lay a gift on the floor Wink

I second the kittens idea, they poo in boxes, destroy very little and sleep all day anyway.

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 07/05/2015 21:40

She can come and babysit my puppy if she likes. She can get up in the night when he's howling for an hour, and clear up his poo, and clean the carpet again after the umpteenth time, and take that slipper out of his mouth again, etc...

Actually she'd probably be even more convinced, he's scrummy.

Seriously. How can she be bright enough to be a lawyer yet be this bloody ignorant about dogs? Has she never known anyone with a dog and seen the level of responsibility involved?

Adarajames · 07/05/2015 23:12

And the story about it being homed again etc, is just as likely to be a sob story faked by puppy farmers and the puppy could very well be very sick or with a deadly inherited condition.

Even if none of the above, what a totally shit situation to bring any animal into, let alone a puppy, some people deserve a good shake till they see sense! Angry

antimatter · 08/05/2015 20:51

Would she be able to pay someone nearly full-time wage to house train that puppy and later on day care for the dog (10-12 hours)?

SurlyCue · 08/05/2015 20:56

Sophie doesnt have time to keep a tamagotchi alive let alone a real animal! Is she a bit dim? Why on earth cant she see that 12 hours alone in a flat every day would be awful for any dog! That is common sense surely? Or is she one of those idiots who doesnt think animals 'feel'? Hmm

Gymbob · 08/05/2015 22:14

my friends son was desperate for a dog. they borrowed one, and made the son get up every morning before school and walk it even in the rain, same when he got home. he couldn't go out all day in town with his mates at the weekend as he was out all week. he decided he didn't want a dog after all.

borrow a dog for her, not to leave it on its own all day, but at least overnight and for the morning before she leaves for work. hopefully it will put the selfish cow off Angry

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 10/05/2015 16:43

tomato that film Sad Shock and very clever

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 10/05/2015 17:30

Aww that video is heartbreaking.

HarrietSchulenberg · 10/05/2015 17:43

My son is rather like Gymbob's friend's ds - he was desperate for a dog for years, until we got one. The novelty soon wore off and he has to be bribed to take the hound of the schulenbergs for even the most cursory walk.
Luckily I had foreseen that his enthusiasm would be short lived so I am more than happy to walk, train and play with ddog, but it does not sound as if Sophie's dog would have this back up.
She'd be better off volunteering to walk dogs for a rescue centre rather than commit to a pup that will just be miserable and destructive.

TooOldForGlitter · 10/05/2015 21:52

That video has just reduced me to tears.

I really hope you can dissuade your friend OP.

QueenBean · 11/05/2015 19:45

So, Sophie had an interview at a dog shelter, apparently they said it was fine that she lives in a flat and works full time (!)

However, enough people have dissuaded her that she's not going to get one now - she's going to volunteer there every Saturday and walk the dogs instead

So a good result!

OP posts:
Butterflywings168 · 11/05/2015 19:59

Oh this wouldn't be fair on kittens either. And they're not less destructive.
Goldfish sounds about right Wink
Good result Smile

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 11/05/2015 20:56

That is a good result. Well done. Grin

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