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The doghouse

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Original poster

Big dilemma

17 replies

Bluejumperandbluejeans · 26/03/2015 11:21

Hi we are literally "in the Doghouse" as we have a big problem that we cannot solve without offending certain family members and I'd like your opinions and advice on it

There's a big birthday get together in a rented cottage for friends and family and it's about 150 miles away from where we live. It's been planned since January and we were going and taking our dog and dd is taking her dog too - we were told it was a dog friendly cottage. We were looking forward to a great weekend and doing dog walks and other activities with our 2 (well behaved) dogs being part of this.
This week we were told that dogs aren't allowed in the property at all and are to be kept in kennels on site - this isn't how we thought it was when we were told this cottage was dog friendly. Our dogs are house dogs and they come with us when we go away, we don't put them in kennels, that's how we are. We don't want to be in the cottage relaxing and eating and drinking in the evenings knowing out dogs are locked up in a kennel.
So having thought through possible options eg dd tried to get her dog in with her usual dog sitter - who hasn't any availability that weekend and we our dog will be very stressed and will bark and howl and we don't want to leave him with other people for this reason, we explained to ds that in view of this new info we were very sorry but won't be able to come on the weekend - we got the response from them of - the kennels are soundproof!! and "it's only a dog" and why put them before the family. In our view the dogs are part of the family too and it would have been really great if we could have spent the weekend in a a lovely country setting in truely pet friendly cottage with family and friends

We don't want to fall out with this family member and we've said that we should agree to differ on the issue of our dogs

Are we being over sensitive to our dogs? Are we putting them before family?
For background, the person who found and booked the cottage doesn't like dogs and tries to push them out the house if ever she comes to stay with us.

OP posts:

BurningBridges · 26/03/2015 11:38

I don't see a way round it unless you can book a cottage nearby but I imagine costs might be an issue? Can one of you stay home with the dogs and the other(s) go so as not to lose the whole event if you see what I mean?

I have relatives/friends like that BTW, I wouldn't get involved in any dog related discussions, just keep explaining you can't come.

LokiBuddyBoo1 · 26/03/2015 11:43

No your not being over sensitive to your dog's they are part of your family.
I would never put my ddog in a kennel as I know he would hate it, he does not like being on his own and would go mental if I locked him in a kennel and then I know I wouldn't enjoy my holiday knowing he was stressed and upset in there.
can't you phone the cottage owner and explain your situation that when you booked you thought the dogs would be allowed inside. State that your two dogs are extremely well behaved and housetrained and that you would not leave them inside unsupervised or allow them on the furniture or beds. You never know they might make an exception.
Good luck hopefully you can work it out.

ItsAllKickingOffPru · 26/03/2015 11:43

You're not putting dogs before family. The arrangements aren't suitable for the dogs in question. Agree no discussion required and one of you going is a solution.

Gymbob · 26/03/2015 11:46

I'm with you, my dog comes with me or I don't go. no way would he be excluded, how could I enjoy an evening with him locked away, he would be upset and confused.

either rent dog friendly accommodation nearby, or just go for the day and meet them all out of the house for a few hours.

only a dog lover would understand. I'm at its only a dog!

Justusemyname · 26/03/2015 11:49

Putting family first is wrong if it means cruelly or stress to an animal.

ScrappyMalloy · 26/03/2015 11:58

That sounds incredibly stressful for the dogs. Mine would pine away if she was kennelled for the weekend.

I wouldn't go, either. Dogs are part of the family.

Original poster

Bluejumperandbluejeans · 26/03/2015 12:35

Thanks Burning and Loki we tried talking to the owner and he's adamant that they don't go in the house - he makes a big thing of the kennels being "luxury" dog accommodation. I could stay at home and look after our dog and dd's dog and DH could go, but dh says we are a family and should be together for this event. Ps I'm the step mum.

We think that this is down to DIL who booked it and hates dogs

OP posts:

ExitPursuedByABear · 26/03/2015 12:40

We had this a couple of years when I booked supposedly dog friendly accommodation only to find out two weeks before we were going that the dog would not be allowed in the property but could be locked in a stable when we were there. I thought about it for an evening and then cancelled the booking.

pigsDOfly · 26/03/2015 13:31

Well, the accommodation isn't 'dog friendly' is it. I think I'd be asking about a refund.

If they have to go into a kennels on site you might as well just put them into a local kennels. I think the owners are miss selling their accommodation.

I had this with a ''dog friendly' B&B where dogs were not allowed upstairs into the rooms and would have had to stay with the owners dogs in their utility room; my dog would have been so distressed if I'd put her in that situation she probably would have ended up with separation anxiety. Obviously we didn't go there.

You're not being over sensitive. I wouldn't go either. You know your dogs and if you wouldn't enjoy it knowing your dogs are unhappy what's the point in going.

You're not putting your dogs before family, you're just being a kind and responsible owner who isn't prepared to be cruel to her dogs.

Original poster

Bluejumperandbluejeans · 26/03/2015 14:55

Thanks everyone. I feel sick with worry about it, cause we don't want to upset DS and DIL but when it comes down to it it isn't dog friendly at all. I couldn't stand the thought of my dog (and dn'sdog being shut up in a kennel not able to get to us.
Our dog has got separation anxiety since our other dog died 18 months ago and we moved house shortly after that and we're only just making some progress with it in the last few months - so we wouldn't want to set him back.
I think you're right Gymbob when you say only a dog lover would understand this.

OP posts:

SistersOfPercy · 26/03/2015 22:39

I'd not class that as dog friendly and no way would my boy be locked in a kennel elsewhere.
I wouldn't be going and tbh my DS would completely understand because he knows how important our dog is to us.

SukieTuesday · 26/03/2015 23:28

Your DS and DIL have created this problem, not you. If she doesn't like dogs you could have rented two cottages on the same site so she had a dog free place to sleep and relax. If they'd told you in advance it wasn't dog friendly you could have made arrangements for your dog to go with your DD's dog to the sitter. This has happened because they've misled you.

AlphaBravoHenryFoxtons · 26/03/2015 23:41

Why don't you invite them all to yours instead, dogs and all.

ItsAllKickingOffPru · 27/03/2015 08:47

Our dog goes to kennels if we are away somewhere they can't go. Still wouldn't shut them away in some unregistered outbuilding at a holiday cottage.

I'm sorry your DH is adding to the problem by not accepting your view or alternative.

Original poster

Bluejumperandbluejeans · 27/03/2015 13:09

We've decided we're definitely not going and the more we think about it the more we think that it's at best a mistake that DIL didnt realise about the kennels or at worst she knew about the kennels and that's why after three months (3 weeks before we go) she got her DH, our DS to tell us all.
Thanks for all your replies you've reassured us that we aren't in the wrong by not putting our dog in the kennels.

OP posts:

AlphaBravoHenryFoxtons · 27/03/2015 14:53

In your DIL's defence, it's hard for non dog-owners to get that dogs are one of the family. I have only recently become a dog-owner and our puppy has managed to worm her way into the emotional fabric of family life in a way I never thought possible.

I must confess to having invited people without their dogs on many occasions, and thinking they were a bit bonkers saying they couldn't come because they weren't prepared to send the dog to a kennel.

So don't be too harsh on your DIL or your DS. Don't let it spoil things for your relationship with them. Just accept it's a bond that your DIL doesn't fully understand.

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 27/03/2015 15:02

Tell your Dil that the cottage has been missold to them and they need to complain to the owner and get their money back. No way is it dog friendly. Any holiday cottage could stick a shed in the garden and call itself dog friendly if that's all it takes. What a load of rubbish. Is the cottage registered with a holiday rental company? Complain to them too. Tell them it's completely spoilt your holiday.

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