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The doghouse

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please help me to help my Mam, her dog's been pts

12 replies

BastardGoDarkly · 17/03/2015 21:10

So for 14 years is just been them two at her house. Long walks in the morning, then my Mam went to work, came home at lunchtime, shared lunch! Then long walk in the evening.

So she had to have her put down on Friday, and she's not coping AT ALL. every time I phone her she's in tears, I've convinced her to come and stay with us for a few days (we live about 70 miles away) as she's on holiday this week from work, and the loneliness is crushing her.

I think she needs another dog in her life, but I don't want to suggest it, I'm struggling to know what to say tbh, does anyone have any wise words or advice?

OP posts:
MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 17/03/2015 21:19

So sorry, how awful. Don't really have any advice but didn't want to read and run.

Would she consider another dog to fill the hole? I sympathise, we lost our old boy before Christmas. However I'm a sahm and we are able to start again with a puppy. I wouldn't recommend that if she has to go to work, puppies need constant help during the first few weeks. Perhaps an older rescue dog that could be left for a couple of hours a day?

Flowers
BastardGoDarkly · 17/03/2015 21:28

Yes, she wouldn't get a puppy, she's always had rescues,I just don't want to sound like I'm trying to hurry her grief along iyswim?

I've never seen anyone so devastated about losing their dog.

I had to have mine pts when he got cancer, and I'd had him 12 years, he was my best friend, but I had dh and a baby, so life just went on, it's very different for her I guess :(

OP posts:
BohemianRaptor · 17/03/2015 21:32

It's probably a bit soon to suggest a new dog, people often feel guilty when thinking about 'replacing' a faithful pet. You could hint about fostering though.

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 17/03/2015 21:36

I don't think there's ever a right time. We started looking after about a month because I can't stand not having a dog in the house and we were lucky enough to find one. I still feel guilty though. I always will. Life just has to go on though because unfortunately dogs just don't live as long as we do and we're always going to find ourselves in this situation eventually. Doesn't mean I don't still miss my lovely old boy.

Thisismyfirsttime · 17/03/2015 21:47

I'd tell her (gently) that she has so much to offer a little rescue and that whilst she could never replace her dog she could give another one such a fantastic life so to think about it sooner rather than later would help out another dog and give her something to distract her from her grief. It must be lonely when your faithful old friend is gone and you live alone. Sad

atonofwashing · 17/03/2015 22:03

How distressing for your poor mum. I agree with everyone else, a gentle nuzzle towards a new rescue. SOunds like she's still got a lot of love to give a dog.

Poor thing. Sad Flowers

muttynutty · 17/03/2015 22:05

I am so sorry that you Mum is having to go through this.

pet bereavement support may be able to help her or help you to help her.

It is major loss and I would not rush to encourage her to get another dog until she mentions it. She has a lot of grief to deal with and may be finding it all just too overwhelming.

Flowers for you both

LokiBuddyBoo1 · 17/03/2015 22:07

I think it's a hard subject to bring up as you don't want to make her more upset or bring up feelings of guilt about replacing her dog so soon if she's not ready but maybe another dog will help her, give her the company she obviously is now missing as well as something to focus her mind on and keep her busy.
After my ddog of 16 years was PTS I could not stand coming home to an empty house it made the grief worse in someways as I was not just missing my ddog but missing the company he provided.
So after 2 months despite feeling really guilty about it I decided to get another dog, and it helped me with grieving for my other dog. I still miss my other dog but my new pup has helped.
I don't regret getting another dog so soon, so maybe try bringing the subject up with your mother.

BastardGoDarkly · 17/03/2015 22:09

Thank you all, I'll see how she is when she comes tomorrow,I really think it will do her the world of good to just get out of her house for a few days.

It's just so hard to witness, she said she just comes in from work and sits on the sofa and cries :(

She used to feed the birds at a bench at the end of their morning walk, she's tried going over there to feed them, but just can't bear it.

I'm sure she'll get there though, thanks for your replies Flowers

OP posts:
BastardGoDarkly · 17/03/2015 22:11

Loik I agree, she needs a companion, I'm glad you've a new friend :)

OP posts:
KiwiJude · 18/03/2015 00:23

Your poor Mum, such a huge hole they leave, esp after 14 years. Our darling boy has been gone 15 months and we still miss him like crazy, even with a new DDog in the house eight months after DDog1 died. It will be good for her to get away from home for a wee while but going home to empty house may tip off the tears again Sad Hugs for your Mum.

BagelwithButter · 18/03/2015 08:41

When she feels a bit better, she may like to think about fostering a dog(s), or walking for the local rescue, or helping people by volunteering for the Cinnamon Trust.

That would mean she'd have the companionship, but without the commitment, until she decides whether she wants another dog of her own.

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