How on earth do I cope with saying goodbye to our dear dog :-(

[Tiggs2]

I really don't know how to cope right now as I am facing the prospect of having my dear dog put to sleep. I have already posted on here about her being elderly, having cushings and diabetes, and how its been a struggle for us all with trying to get her stable on the Insulin.

She hasn't been eating properly for a while now but the last two days she just hasn't wanted to even try. We will be taking her for a blood test tonight to see how her kidneys are doing, as last week a test showed that there may be a problem with function.

I know in my heart that its going to be bad news and I honestly don't know how I will cope, I already can't stop crying, and I wish that nature would just take its course and gently take her whilst she is asleep.
I think I could cope a bit more easily with that than having to make the choice to actually put her to sleep. I know its the kindest thing we can do for our pets but I honestly don't know how I'm going to do it.

As I sit here now and look at my dear dog lying asleep on her bed, all the memories are constantly running through my mind, even right back to the very first time we laid eyes on one another!

She has honestly been the best dog/friend ever, gentle, funny, placid, clever and has never ( until now) had any accidents in the house. She never chewed any items in the house as a pup, or caused any damage, including in the garden, and everyone who has ever met her is charmed.

How can I possibly make an appointment to say goodbye? And with the knowledge that it will be the last evening, walk, cuddle etc that we will ever have? I also know when it comes to that day, that I will be watching the clock and not wanting the time to come. I love her dearly, as do my family and we want what's best for her of course but my heart is literally breaking! :-(

Hello there - I am so very sorry you are going through this, it is so hard isn't it?

Would you mind if i explained to you a little bit about what happens when a pet is pts? Apologies if you are familiar with the process. It really is simple and painless for the dog. There will always be a nurse helping the vet who will help to gently prepare by clipping a little fur from his front leg, the nurse will hold the leg up and raise a vein and the vet injects a blue fluid into the vein. Normally before the injection is complete the dog has gone to sleep. The speed often takes owners by surprise but it is peaceful. If you want to you can cuddle your dog while this is happening and some people find this very comforting. It is the hardest thing we ever have to do as owners and I have witnessed this many times as i used to be a vet nurse - seeing the pain and worry leave the animals faces assures me that it is the kindest thing to do.

You can make an appointment for the vet to come to your house or take your dog to the vets.

I know exactly what you mean about making the appointment, maybe you would find it easier to make and emergency appointment on the day? If you speak to your vets they may well be able to arrange for it to be done at short notice if this helps you, of course that may not be possible for a home visit.

Sorry for all the details but i have found that people feel better once they know what is going to happen. I say with kindness that although it would be nicer for you just to find that your dog has passed in his sleep, it may be that your dog would be quite poorly before that happened and possibly feel horrible and be in pain. We had a saying where i worked - rather a month too early than a day too late.

I am so sorry about your dog - you sound like such a loving and caring owner, he is lucky to have you xx

So sorry for you

I always tell myself that it is better to be there, holding and comforting my beloved dog while they gently slip away, rather than them dying alone and possibly frightened naturally (I'm actually not sure this is often the case, but it helps me to rationalise it in my head!)

It also allows me the opportunity to spoil them beforehand, take them to a favourite walk, allow family members to say goodbye. I am not faced with finding them one morning, most likely in a bit of a mess, and then having to deal with the chaos after when I am so upset.

None of it makes it any easier but it means I can do what needs to be done, and feel no guilt about it later on when the dust has settled.

Take care OP

We had our ddog put down just before Christmas just over a year ago. Dh said he wasn't moving properly and was crashing into things. Really bad. I called the vet to ask if we could leave him for the night. She said really no. He would lose his dignity altogether which he would have hated. It all happened very, very quickly. I phoned the vet a few minutes later to ask for someone to come to the house. The vet was fantastic despite the devastation we all felt. I could not have taken him to the surgery and driven back without crashing. So sorry you are going through this

we had to have one of our dogs pts on new years eve. he was dps dog and dp was understandably beside himself. I made all the arrangements with the vet because he couldn't face any of it. could your husband or another family member deal with the practicalities for you? the vet came out to us and they were so kind to dp and dog. I'm really sorry you're going through this is horrible

We had to have our lovely black lab PTS a few weeks back. Making the decision to do it and taking him in to the vet were both extremely painful, but we couldn't bear seeing him suffer from the effects of cancer.

Our vets were fantastic. We could not have asked for better treatment. Jet fell into his forever sleep in my arms, peacefully and quietly. It was the right decision.

I have his memories and he will always be with me.

Do what you think is best for your lovely friend.

Thinking of you x

I've just read all your posts with tears in my eyes, I'm a very new first time dog owner and you all sound like your dogs are/were lucky to have such lovely owners.
Would it help to talk about your lovely dog op, I'd love to hear more about him.

I've just read all your posts with tears in my eyes, I'm a very new first time dog owner and you all sound like your dogs are/were lucky to have such lovely owners.
Would it help to talk about your lovely dog op, I'd love to hear more about him.

Sorry op, your dog is a she, apologies!

Decide what will tell you when it's "time" and then stick to it. Steel yourself as it's the absolutely worst part of loving your animals. This is what good pet keepers do and means your animal will not suffer.

...and have a massive hug from me as I've been there too and still miss my old dog dreadfully, even though I've got two more since.

Thinking of you , hope it went well at the vets , my poor dog was pts 5 weeks ago , he had the same illness as yours , it is so hard to make that call , it all seems a blur now , my only regret was not enough cuddles on the day , but I didn't want to stress him out , it was so quick and the instant relief on his little face made me realise it best for him , its been hard but I'm over the guilt now and remembering the good times and how lucky I was to have had him , wish you all the best .

I keep telling myself that if I was in pain and miserable and with no hope I would be grateful if someone did that to me.

Sorry your dog is not well.
Mine is getting old and frail and I'm dreading it and it will break my heart.

It's the last act of kindness.

I'm so sorry, there's a lot of us who know how you feel. It's a day you dread for years and to be honest it was a million times worse than I expected, sorry.
Our girl died in our house, the vets came out to us, she really really really hated the vets and we wouldn't have put her through the car journey and then the distress of being there. She made it very clear to us she had had enough and we had a few hours with her until the vet arrived. It was horrible looking out the window for the people coming to kill the most precious member of the family. She was gone within seconds, no fuss, but it was the worst day of our lives. My husband collapsed onto the floor crying, we were zombie looking husks for weeks afterwards, I cried every way under the sun, I expected to see her peeping round the door, her scent faded off her harness. Nothing helps except the cruel passing of time.

BUT you still have your girly with you! Smell her scent, cherish the sight of her familiar paws, face, ears, warmth. Tell her stories and how much you love her, cuddle her and hold it together. She's relying on you to be strong, she doesn't need to be worrying about comforting you, or why you're sad. So cry outside, or in your car, away from her. There's all the hateful time in the world for tears later, I know your brain can't actually grasp the concept of her not being around, but trust me, don't leave her side, take paw prints, imprint her on your mind. We're right here, we understand.

Tiggs - reading your words brought back how I felt in your position a few years ago. I am so sorry, it's such a hard time.

I can tell you some things that helped me and about my experiences.

The vet said to me "you will now when it's time" but I didn't think I would. I didn't know how I would know that. But I did know in the end, and that was when my beloved dog tried to nip my partner which was so completely out of character that I knew she had had enough.

I had a vet come to my home so that she could have her things around her.

I spent a long time thanking my dog for being a special, loyal, friend to me.

I cut a lock of her hair to keep (I will have this made into jewellery)

When the vets came I asked them to prepare the things they needed in the other room before coming into where my dog was so there was less fuss.

I asked the vets to give her a sedative first so that she was unaware of the injection.

My partner kept her on his lap when it happened. She had no idea and just looked so sleepy and then peaceful.

I kept her in my house for the night and made a little bed up with all her favourite things around her. Kind of like a wake (she was like family to me) and took a photo.

I had her cremated in a private pet crematorium where you could write in a book and it had a little chapel. Very respectful and dignified.

I had a rose bush and plaque in the grounds of the crematorium in her name. I keep her ashes in my house though by her photo.

I framed many photos of her.

When I needed extra support I went on pet bereavement websites and there is even a number you can call to speak to someone.

My vet said to me that she wished that humans could have the same choice to save them pain as our pets do.

Someone else said to me "This is the last loving act you can do for your pet"

It only hurts so much because we love them so much. When they are that ill I don't think they are so aware so try not to give yourself a hard time.

I hope your vet visit went ok tonight. Feel free to PM me if you like - I know how it feels. My dog was with me for 14 years and was as much a member of the family as I was - she just was a furry one! x

EvenBetter that was a lovely post.

We lost our old boy before Christmas. We didn't really get a chance to think about the last walk etc as he was too ill. I can remember the last time I took him to certain places but bizarrely I can't exactly remember his last walk. I think I know, but I'm not sure. He went downhill the last few days and couldn't go far.

We took him back to see the vet because he just looked so miserable and we didn't know what to do. The vet couldn't believe how much he'd gone downhill in the two days since he'd seen him. He said there wasn't much we could do and it would be kindest to let him go.

It really was the last thing that we could do for him. We couldn't bear to see him so miserable, it just wasn't him. Of course it was just awful leaving him there and going home without him. I'd always assumed it would happen at home but I think we were hoping that the vet would be able to do something. Sadly he couldn't.

I will just say that sometimes they move afterwards. Breath exhales. It's freaky but it's what happens. Don't be alarmed.

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

It sounds like you know "it's time". We had our dear dear old lab pts last summer and it was such a hard decision. Like your dog, though, she had been just the best friend we could have asked for. We got her when I was 15, and she died (aged 15) having made a firm friend of my dd, so she truly was our family dog. After such a wonderful time with her, it just wasn't fair to "keep her going". The worst bit was explaining it to my then just 2yo dd, who even 6 months on occasionally bursts into tears about missing the dog!

I took my dd out while the vets came, but my parents said they were wonderful. They all just sat on the lawn, and after a while she was given an injection and literally fell asleep. Apparently it was very calm and dignified and everything you would want.

I cried for days But I sorted lots of pictures of ddog and dd and life's carried on.

I hope your vet trip tonight has gone ok.

You can do this because you love your dog and you don't want him to suffer.
my gorgeous girl had cancer. A huge tumour. she far outlived the vets expectations.
but she was suffering in the end.
We took her to the beach, fed her a bar of chocolate and a cornish pasty, and grapes. threw her ball for her and took her for a paddle.
Then we took her to the vet.
I held her as she fell asleep and I whispered all of her favourite words in her ear as she went.
It wasn't until later that I realised that much as we adored her, knowing the moment was coming had been putting huge stress on all of us. Although we still miss her, the sense of relief that she was not suffering any more was massive.

Do you know Saggy you're exactly right. It's the stress of knowing what's coming. My DFil was just the same when DMil was dying. Once she had passed away, although he was grieving, there was also a kind of release. We knew it was only a matter of time and nothing could be done but that waiting, oh my god it's just cruel. You'd give anything to save them but you know you can't and although you try and make the most of the time you've got left, you know what's coming.

My dh was just as bad in the days leading up to us losing Barney as he was afterwards. Before its grief and worry, afterwards, it's just awful, awful grief.

Thank you to every one of you for your advice and support. As expected the news wasn't good on Tuesday night when the vet called to say we had tried everything possible but that it was time to let her go. He was so good that he even offered to wait there for us whilst we brought her down, but we agreed to wait until Wednesday so the news could sink in and we could all say goodbye properly.

My lovely girl even had a couple of visitors that same night as my ds brought some of his friends around, including one lad in particular that our girl was very fond of, she always used to run and wait by the door whenever she heard his car coming up the street!

My dh rang the vets early morning and asked if it was possible to have the procedure done at home because of late our girl used to get very stressed and upset when going into the practice, and I really didn't want to put her through that. In fact as I said to my dh, if they had of said yes its possible but it will cost a few hundred pounds then I wouldn't have hesitated to get the money.
She was feeling very ill at that point, couldn't even keep water down and she kept staring at me, but I wasn't sure if she was saying "I feel so sick please help me" or "am I in trouble for making a mess on the floor", which of course she wasn't!

I had a quiet moment alone with her when I whispered that I was sorry we couldn't help her anymore, that she was my best girl and that I loved her. I couldn't help a big sob escaping and she just looked up at me as if to say why are you so upset.

We were all with her in the final moments which was very quick and peaceful, then the nurse snipped a little of her fur for us, and my ds removed her collar. The vet then placed her in a dog bed with a blanket and took her away from us, my regret is not placing anything with her as she left.
I know we done the right thing and she isn't suffering anymore but it hurts terribly, I don't think that I've stopped crying yet and the memories keep flooding my mind. Last night both dh and myself kept gazing at the floor where her bed used to be and it looks so bare now. And today, with being on my own, the whole house feels far too quiet and lonely, I keep listening out for her pawsteps on the wooden floor. I have such pain in my heart right now that it hurts :-(

Oh Tiggs I'm so, so sorry.

There isn't anything anyone can do or say that will help right now. I will just repeat what someone else said. The pain never goes away but you do learn to deal with it. We left Barney's bed where it was for a few days, couldn't bear to move it. Then the dds wanted to put the Christmas tree up and we always had to move his bed to the other side of the fireplace to fit the tree in, so we packed it up and put it away.

When we took the tree down the empty space was absolutely glaring. I've rearranged the furniture and the log basket so it doesn't look as obvious.

He's been gone nearly three months and I still can't get used to the empty house. Especially when I come home from the school run. I still look for a little face when I open the door. Especially as he had an annoying habit of sneaking outside to lay on the gravel of the driveway for some reason.

My dh wasn't too bad until he had to go out shooting one day. Then he didn't want to go because it was his first time without Barney. I think it hit me quicker than it did him because I'm a sahm, whereas he's hardly ever here on his own because me and the girls are usually here first.

Funnily enough, we just heard this morning that the litter we've got our names down for was born last night.

A new dog is exciting and distracting but it can never be a replacement for the dog you've lost. All those years of knowing them and loving them. But it is a testament to that relationship that you want to recreate it. Someone on here told me that, or words to that effect. And I can't be without a dog.

Give yourself time, you're grieving. There's a lot of us on here that understand what you're going through and are happy to talk. Come back and tell us a bit more about her or you can pm me if you like.

Hope you're ok.

Im so sorry for how you are feeling. Just remember she will have known how much you loved her and what a great life you all had together.

Give yourself lots of time and cry when you want to.

Hello there, thank-you so much for telling me a little about Barney, it helps to talk and also because a lot of people including friends and family sometimes don't understand really unless they have been through this. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do and I know that there will never be another like her, she was just the best girl to me, so gentle and well behaved. I said to my dh that we had never had a problem with her, she never chewed things, messed in the house or even went upstairs without consent. She would never take any food items that got left on the table near her or gobble up any dropped items from the floor unless we had offered them to her first. And yet we never had to train her to do anything, didn't really have to house train her either, she just done all the right things, including going for a wee outside when we asked to do it!

I feel so lonely today without her as Like you, I am at home most of the time, and that's probably why I am finding this so horrible today. I dozed off for a half hour earlier and I must of been dreaming of her because I woke with a start and stared straight at the floor where she used to have her bed, and I thought it had all been a horrid dream. I always loved the idea of getting another dog whilst she was still with us but dh wouldn't agree to it, and I so wished he had of because it will help with this pain. Now I'm not sure if its ever something I can consider in the future though I know ds would love another one eventually. My dh has just come in from work and I said I'm sorry but its just me to greet you this evening, its only 24 hours since we had her pts and it feels like another long night ahead!

Dh has found all this a lot harder than we thought but then he cared so carefully for her right up to the end, giving her, her insulin injections and trying to get her to eat something, he used to bring a selection of goodies home from the shop in order to try and encourage her, but sadly it didn't work most of the time. It used to break my heart watching him pick her up and carry her everywhere, including lying down on the floor and talking softly to her.
So sorry to go on but this is so hard isn't it :-(
How are you all coping now, are you starting to look forward to your new arrival? x

I've pm'd you Tiggs

I'm so sorry Tiggs - it's so hard isn't it?
When my beautiful dog went (very similar to your situation as I have already posted) it hit me very badly.
I used to come home from work and sit in the car for a long time outside the house as I couldn't bear to go in as it would be too quiet. I missed her greeting me at the door. Where I lived just felt like a house all of a sudden and not a home.
I used to carry on talking to her (sounds mad!) as I felt in a way she was still there. One night I distinctly heard the sound of her dog bowl scraping on the floor as though she was eating her dinner which made me feel better!
You will go through lots of emotions - be patient with yourself. You did all you could and gave her the best life she could have had. Our beloved dogs just don't live as long as us but the joy they brought us lives on x

i'm so sorry for your loss Tiggs. The empty house that you come home to is miserable. I'm 3 months after the loss of my beloved dog and it is a little easier. But I have spent the last 3 months looking every night at dog rescue sites, and desperately wanting another dog. Today I realised, I just want my old Rosie back. No way am I ready for another dog.

I'm so relieved my DH said no to my getting another one, these last months

But I am getting an old, unloved rescue cat, just to have someone to love and be loved by!

I hope the spring will lift your spirits a little. It is so hard.