My dog was put to sleep this morning - feel guilty I wasnt there

[Doowop]

Apologies in advance if this is long or rambling.
My nearly 14 year old Labrador was PTS this morning.
She had sickness and diarrhoea since Sunday and yesterday afternoon I made an appointment for this morning as I didn't think it was just an upset tummy.
She hates the vet. Hates it. Luckily she's only ever been to be neutered or have her boosters but it is very traumatic for her. Given her age, I knew that at some point soonish, she would reach the end of her life and I had planned that when the time came, the vet would come to the house and it would be as peaceful and not be too traumatic for her.
When I went to the vet this morning, he asked me to take her up to the other (bigger) surgery so they could do kidney and liver function tests and put her on a drip until this afternoon as she was fairly dehydrated. She was distressed going into the waiting room and just kept pulling for the door, becoming really anxious. I gave her a pat on the head and left.
I got a phone call from the vet a few hours later to say that she had kidney failure. I can't remember the science bit but it was 800 something which was the highest he had seen. We discussed it over the phone and decided it was best to euthanise as he felt they could only prolong her life for a week at most.
Now, here's the thing that's killing me. He asked if I wanted to be there. I thought about it and felt that if I went up, she'd get excited and distressed and want me to take her home. The vet said she was currently sleeping and seemed fairly content. She already had an IV in so he could just add the solution to that. We spoke about it and I decided it was probably better for my dog, if I didn't go.
And I didnt.
I'm now beside myself as it is not how I planned it. I wanted to be there for the end of her life. I feel like I've done the wrong thing. (not thePTS bit, just the being there). And now it's too lat to do anything about it.
Not even sure what I hope to gain from this post but feels good just to right it down.

I'm so sorry.
Fwiw,I don't think you should feel guilty.
I think what you decided was best for your dog.
But so hard for you

Ah ((hugs)) What a difficult day for you.

You haven't done the wrong thing, going peacefully while sleeping is pretty much the ideal way to go...and yes you could have done it differently, but, in those circumstances it would have been for your benefit and not hers.

You did the right thing for her in the circumstances you were faced with.

You did the best thing for your dog. She was already asleep so would not have known anything.

You will probably never forgive yourself, but the pain will lessen with time. Keep writing it down, and crying to your friends about it. It will get easier.

{{{hugs}}}

Sorry for your loss .
TBH it does sound like you did what you felt was best for your dog and I'm sure if you had gone and been with her you would probably be finding something else to feel guilty about - that's just the way it is when you have to make life and death decisions for pets .

I'm so sorry. Unfortunately the death of a dearly loved dog can't always be planned. I think you made the right decision in the best interests of your dog, even though it must have been very hard for you. You put her ahead of you. She was being cared for, you let her pass as calmly as possible.

Thanks for your kind words. Made me blub even more.

I suppose it's just not knowing if someone stroked her or talked to her and that she's died thinking I've dumped her at the vets and the last thing she'll be thinking about is that.

I do realise that I may be anthropomorphising this slightly.

Also need to stop worrying about what other people think - I'm worried I'll be judged (not by anyone in particular- just in general) for not being there at the end.

Broke news to dd when she got home from school. We are heartbroken - my dd has never known life without her. My late dh and I got the dog and it is one less piece of his life to have around.

The cat is going to be groaning under the weight of all the hugs he will be getting tonight.

If she was awake, she'll have been thinking, ooh look, people, lol.

Dogs don't sit around thinking about abstract things...they pretty much do here and now.

And yes they'll have stroked her and talked to her if she was awake.

Really sorry for your loss. We lost our old boy at Christmas and I'm still bereft without him.
If your dog had been awake, I guarantee that the vet and nurses would've been kind and given lots of comforting strokes.
for you and dd xx

Oh dint feel bad op

you are a good owner. you put your feelings aside and sacrificed being there to ensure your dog could be put to sleep in he easiest non eventful way.

sounds like you did the right thing and I'm. Sure the vet or the nurse assisting would have stroked and talked to your dog.

so very sorry for your loss

Oh love I am sure the vet would have been kind.

I'm so sorry.

Fwiw I am a vet nurse, and if we ever PTS an animal with the owner not present, I will stroke and talk to him/her, tell them how good they are and how loved they were. I'm sure a large majority of my profession would do the same.

She knew you loved her, you showed her that every day of her life.

Thanks folks. Your posts have helped enormously. Particularly the posts from people who work in vets and wrote so touchingly about being there at the end of a pets life.

It is very strange not having her about taking up too much room on the sofa. She was a super dog with a beautiful nature and a light has gone out in my life.

It buggers up your identity a bit too I think. So much of your life is taken up caring for a dog, walking, feeding, logistics of having a day out, not leaving the front door open when you put out rubbish etc.

I know this will get easier. Well. Not easier really. Someone (no idea who) once said that grief doesn't get any easier, you just get better at it. So true.

I have got myself a nice bottle of red wine and plan to consume a fair amount of it later this evening. I'm sure it's what the dog would have wanted.

Definitely what the dog would have wanted! Hahaaaa, that made me laugh :)

It's amazing how empty the house feels. Even when they are just asleep on the sofa. Treat yourself to a bloody good cry. Chocolate also helps enormously.

here's to Doowopdog

sweet dreams puppy.

and yes I'm. Sure he'd say finish the bottle

Losing a dog is such a physical as well as emotional hole, isn't it? I felt more visceral grief when my last dog died than when my parents did.

Raise a glass to all our dear departed dogs.

Love to you. And just t say - you so did the right thing. If you'd gone and she'd woken up - far more traumatic for her. As she was asleep she didn't know you weren't there. You did what was right for her, when the inevitable happened. I just had to PTS my 14 year old, vet-hating little girl and she was very, very scared at the end. Having to live with that isn't easy. I wish she had been asleep and it done when she was out of it. She really had as good an end as was possible and that was thanks to your unselfish and sensible and brave act.

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.
Having a pet PTS is such a heartbreaking decision, because we all want to do the best in a situation where there is no best outcome.
A few weeks ago my gorgeous bunny had to be PTS at the OOH vets. I was holding him close, I wanted him to know that I was there, but the vet said that when he had the injection his body might react in a way that would distress me, and they thought it was better that I didn't experience that. I didn't want to let him go though but at the last minute agreed, they took him from me and a short time later came back to say it was done. I felt the same as you, that I wasn't there at the end as he deserved - but to be honest he was so far gone by this point that he just went quietly. As did your DDog - she was asleep so not aware of what was going on around her, and I think it would have been so hard for you if you had seen her happy and excited to see you - it would have broken your heart a little bit more.
The first stage of bereavement is guilt, and that's where you are. Be kind to yourself and don't beat yourself up

Much love to you and your dear doggie and all of you who have been through this.

You had a lifetime of love together and that held her tight. x

Aw hugs to you. You did the right thing. If you'd gone she would not only have woken up, but would have sensed your upset. She went calmly and quietly after a long, much loved life. Hope you're ok, it's always horrible, the worst thing about having pets.

I'm not a vet but it sounds to me like you did the right thing.

Massive hugs though. I'm running an elderly terrier and I dread the day I have too make that decision. I hope when I do, I can do the best for my dog like you did today.

I have said this before on here my mam has always said PTS is the last kind thing you can do for your animals. Still doesn't make it any easier.

Haven't read the other posts so sorry if I repeat, but tbh it sounds like you absolutely did the right thing for your girl, and put her first (rather than your need to be there) - this was selfless and laudable of you. Also don't idealise 'being there' - I was there for my dog which was lovely for me, but she was oblivious; had no idea of its significance and that it was a forever sleep. I suppose I am trying to say (ham fistedly) that- you didn't fail your girl by not being there. Finally - so sorry

How lovely you are, to think of your dog and not yourself. A brave thing to do. You'd feel crap either way, hope the wine dulled the pain. RIP, you were a much loved dog. x