Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

The doghouse

If you're worried about your pet's health, please speak to a vet or qualified professional.

I need some serious help with with my dog please

20 replies

thinkimadeamistake · 19/01/2015 14:01

I have a dog and a cat.
I really need honest help and advice regarding the two of them together because I am starting to wonder if I should rehome the dog.

The dog is a herding breed, although he has never caught or killed anything, he does enjoy chasing after and sometimes stalking small animals.
When introduced to the cat initially he was VERY interested, intense starting, shaking, drooling, stalking.
I worked hard keeping him on lead, praising for calm behaviour and correcting fixated, predatory type interest.
He attempted to nip at the cat a few times but after a while they seemed to get on well.

By get on well, I fed them together, sometimes the cat would sleep snuggled up with the dog, he cat would play with the dog and he would play back. If something outside had frightened him, a firework for example he would try and run to the cat for comfort.
So I was really pleased.

After a while, I noticed play becoming rougher, instead of just nudging the cat with his nose he would be biting without contact. I assumed this was play behaviour, the cat wasn't in any way hurt after all but I still gently said ah ah and moved him away, stopping the play session as I was worried he could hurt her.
Sometimes he would still stare at the cat and run at the cat which I would correct.

Yesterday, the cat was sleeping on the sofa, the dog jumped onto the sofa with his toy, I assumed he was going to drop his toy on the cat which he likes doing so carried on working, I wish I had kept a close eye because The next thing I hear is the cat making this weird squealing sound. I checked the cat over and could see no evidence of any injury, I didn't know what to think but kept a close watch of him from then on.

Later in the afternoon, he was banished upstairs after the cat jumped In front of him suddenly and he leapt forward and tried to nip her, my toddler was sat right there as the cat was on the sofa arm so potentially my child could have been hurt, albeit accidently.
Later I let him down and kept a VERY close eye on him.

Today, I noticed the cat avoiding him which is odd as she usually wants to play with him.
I forgot the baby gate to the living room (where the dog was) was open, the cat was sat in the hallway near my toddler.
I went to take my toddler out the stroller and because of the position I was in the cat was out of my eyeline.
I have no idea what happened but I heard the cat making the same odd, sort of pathetic drawn out, squeal type noise and turned to see the dog there.
Absolutely raging I have locked him upstairs while I think what to do.

I love this dog despite how the post may come across, but I also love my cat and I am feeling really, really worried that the dog will hurt, maybe even kill my cat.
I don't really leave them unattended, I.e. When going out I lock the dog upstairs, when cooking I have the dog in with me etc but with a toddler I can't have my eye literally 24/7 on them and as the previous times have shown, he could harm her literally in seconds...
I don't know if it is safe to keep the two of them together and wondering if my dog would actually be better off in a home without other animals?
I don't know, he just doesn't seem safe around her.
I thought they were getting on well but first the nipping, now the squealing, I just don't know.
I am feeling very upset about the whole thing.

OP posts:
ineedsomeinspiration · 19/01/2015 15:16

I don't have much experience but do you actually know if the dog did anything or did the cat just make a noise?
You haven't mention how old the cat or the dog are. If the dog is an adolescent then he may be pushing boundaries. I would suggest going back to square one with training as you did before. I know positive reinforcement works much better than anything negative.
I would also make sure the cat has plenty of places the dog can't get to so she has a safe escape.

Floralnomad · 19/01/2015 15:24

How old are they? From my experience of friends who have existing cats and then get dogs they either get on or the cat moves out ( or upstairs) , the fact that your cat is still hanging around where the dog is would indicate to me that the dog is not actually hurting him otherwise surely the cat would just go elsewhere in the house . If I were in your position I would just ensure that they are not left home alone together and keep an eye out when you are in ( as you are already doing) . When you go out is it possible to shut the dog in one room / crate to keep the cat safe ?

CatsClaus · 19/01/2015 15:25

cats make very weird growling noises...is she warning him off?

Is the cat at all spitty....you'd surely notice if she had been mouthed? Aside from a dog catching the cat completely unawares and doign that catch and flick (like terriers do with rats) my money would generally be on a cat in a face to face fight.

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 19/01/2015 15:26

Are you sure the cat isn't growling at the dog?

thinkimadeamistake · 19/01/2015 15:35

I don't know if the dog anything as each time has been in seconds where I haven't been looking, however I have seen the dog attempt to nip the cat.

The dog is 2 so an adult, cat is a kitten, around 14/15 weeks old.
I have had her since she was 6 weeks.

The cat isn't hanging around anymore since this morning, she used to be very fond of the dog and liked to be close to him.
Now she is staying away, she won't walk past the dog anymore nor enter a room where he is.

I have had cats all my life, this isn't an aggressive/defensive noise she is making like a hiss or growl.
It's hard to describe.
It's like a long, drawn out squeal/cry.

OP posts:
MoreThanAWoman · 19/01/2015 15:40

Hiya,

Poor you. It's hard enough work keeping an eye on a toddler never mind watching the cat and the dog. Talk about needing eyes in the back of your head.

I had two cats and one of them used to make that god awful noise you are describing its a horrible sound isn't it? I used to think one cat was hurting the other as I was never actually there when it happened and by the time I ran through and was present it stopped. Playing detective (ridiculous things you do for animals) I found out the bigger cat wasn't hurting the little one, the little one just made this noise when big cat went near. Is that "i'm warning you, stay away" in cat language?" They just didn't like each other but they eventually got used to each other.

When a dog was added in to the mix the dog was scared of the cats so it as never a problem.

I can tell you love your animals. It must be very stressful for you though and worrying about your little one getting hurt albeit accidentally.

Is the dog just playing a bit too rough and a hyperactive teenager? Is the dog neutered would that help? You sound like you know what your talking about with training etc. Maybe you are already leaning towards thinking this situation isn't going to work out with the animals and if that is the case do not blame yourself if you find you have to rehome the dog.

I wish I could wave a wand for you and help x

YouveCatToBeKittenMe · 19/01/2015 15:41

I also have a herding breed. She broke my cats leg on Christmas morning when she snapped at him over a toy (the cat's toy) and he panicked and threw himself round the lounge!
She is obsessed by the cat and he doesn't seem to mind her, but she is very reactive and constantly watches him

Are you sure your cat hasn't been injured. May be you should take her for a check up? It sound like she is really frightened or in pain.

ineedsomeinspiration · 19/01/2015 15:41

What breed of dog is it? 2 is not necessarily an adult at all.

Floralnomad · 19/01/2015 15:42

Sorry , I assumed it was a cat that was already in situ in the house before the dog came along - why would you rehome the dog , surely it would be easier to rehome the kitten .

thinkimadeamistake · 19/01/2015 16:05

I will try and catch them in the act and see what is going on.

I don't think she is injured, although I could be wrong I guess, the dog is upstairs currently still and she is running round the living room. Eating and drinking fine.
I think the dog has done something to hurt her or is thinking about it and she knows because she always used to love the dog!
Now she seems afraid...

He is a collie.

I would rehome the dog rather than the cat for a number of reasons; mainly, I live in an area absolutely loaded with cats so if he is the sort of dog that would actually bite a cat I wouldn't feel comfortable walking him anymore in case he caught and injured or killed one.

He has some minor behavioural/training problems - nothing major, doesn't walk very well on lead, is quite hyperactive around guests in the house, tries to herd cars, slight anxiety around other dogs sometimes and although I manage them I don't have the time or the inclination, if that is the right word, currently to fix them.
I am on and off anti depressants and have anxiety disorder, my husband and I are getting on well currently but only 6 months or so ago we were close to divorcing.
Basically, I have a lot of stress in my life and think if he was a cat maimer/killer it would just about push me over the edge considering where I live and the fact that when we go away for a weekend, he stays with my in laws (who have cats).
If one of the animals needs to go it should be him.
I feel he would be suited to a nice quiet home with an older couple but rather not rehome him if I could avoid it as I am very fond of him and he is lovely with my toddler.

OP posts:
ineedsomeinspiration · 19/01/2015 16:28

Border Collies are something I have quite a lot of experience with. How much exercise is he getting? Also with Collies it's not just about the physical exercise but the actual mental stimulation too. He may need some mind testing games to occupy him in the house. If he doesn't get this he will think of things to do himself (such as torment the cat).

Also there are lots of dogs that live with cats but would still chase others outside the home.

At 2 he is a 'teenager' and will be finding his feet and seeing what he can get away with.

In my experience of Border Collies it takes work and the right sort of people for them to be happy as a family pet.

muttynutty · 19/01/2015 16:28

You have only had the cat a few weeks. You are expecting way to much between the relationship of the cat and dog. You want to aim for a relationship where they happily ignore each other. Not play together or sleep together (this may happen but that is not your primary aim)

I would not wait to see what happens next time. I would be rewarding the dog for totally ignoring the cat. Do not force the dog to interact with the cat. TBH I think your dog has done brilliantly in the few weeks you have introduced the cat - you have one clever, impulse controlled dog.

Many dogs will chase cats and furries - they do not want to kill they just love the chase. Your dog has shown amazing self control and it is up to you to build on this from what you have said it should not be difficult.

Keep the cat away from the dog and reward the dog for ignoring the cat.

MoreThanAWoman · 19/01/2015 18:55

Ah I thought the dog was the newcomer also, sorry. He is maybe upset at this new friend intruder in his house or maybe feeling left out if everyone is petting the cat and when he's been trying to play got shut in a room?
It doesn't sound like he has hurt the cat but is more than capable if he had wanted to as any dog is.
Do you think he is getting enough exercise? Like one of my dogs yours is a very clever breed and needs mental stimulation to keep him busy or he will find other ways to amuse himself.

You sound like you have a lot on your plate and the dog is stressing you out with the other behaviours as well. If you don't have the time or inclination to work on them now they will as you deep down know only get worse.

I know you love him but you want to do what's right for the dog as well. So if you genuinely believe you don't have the time that this dog needs, I would be looking for someone who has experience in having collie's and knows what they are taking on. Having a collie as a pet takes hard work and dedication to meet their needs everyday.

You will I am sure if you decide to rehome him make sure it is a good, forever home where he will be happy and able to thrive.

Do what is right for all of you including the dog xx

thinkimadeamistake · 20/01/2015 10:55

Just to update you.
Where I said me and dh are getting on.
Not so much. It was all going well then he attacked me this morning over cereal, housework and the fact I am saving money.
I can't take it anymore.

I am looking for 2 rescue spaces then I think I have to go.
I feel sick even typing but I don't see how I can stay.
I don't think the animals would be safe with him so I have to rehome them before I can go.

OP posts:
SnakeyMcBadass · 20/01/2015 11:07

Oh Lord. Are you safe? Did he hurt you? There are people involved in rescue here that can possibly help you find somewhere for your pets.

thinkimadeamistake · 20/01/2015 11:12

I think so.
He hasn't beaten me or anything, he was shouting and Picking, like he does.
He kicked a chair over, I got up and walked upstairs, said as soon as things start being crashed conversations over.
He grabbed my arm, pushed me on the bed and started threatening to dump the animals.

He has never hit me, but he is very threatening and intimidating, gets in your face, throws things..
I have had enough.

I know the animals can't stay with him, he won't look after them properly.

OP posts:
MoreThanAWoman · 20/01/2015 11:53

Oh god. I am so sorry this is happening to you. Do you have family or friends near you?
Can you, your little one and the animals not stay there and partner leave? Until you find somewhere?
You shouldn't have to put up with that kind of behaviour and your very brave to say you've had enough and leave before it gets any worse.
I wish there was more we could do to help you xx

SnakeyMcBadass · 20/01/2015 11:55

He is violent. He grabbed you and pushed you. Have you got any rl support? You should maybe post a new thread here explaining that you need to rehome your animals so that people can help you. There is also the relationship board to help with the practicalities of leaving and how to stay safe. I'm very sorry you're in this position, but you have to come first.

muttynutty · 20/01/2015 13:04

I am so so sorry you are having to deal with this Sad

lists organisations that will help you rehome or foster your animals while you get yourself safe

If they can't help pm me and I will sort out your animals

Best of luck to you and take care of yourself

thinkimadeamistake · 20/01/2015 13:19

Thank you for the messages of support and the links, I will read through them soon.

I will put a post in the relationships board.
Feeling so low.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread