Trouble bonding with new dog

[TheFantasticMrsFox]

Firstly I should point out that DDog2 is in no danger of being rehomed, dumped or PTS despite what I might say
18 months ago we had to have our old dog PTS. She was genuinely my one in a million dog and I have had a fair few over the years. I always felt (and still feel) that I would never have another to rival her but there was never any question we would continue to own dogs.
When she was PTS DDog1 fell to pieces. We planned to get a puppy in the August which would have given us nearly 8 months to get over it. Eventually we took the decision to bring the puppy forward and DDog2 came home in April, 3 months after No1Dog was PTS.
DDog2 has been easy in so many ways. He's lively but biddable, friendly, and shows signs of being a fantastic working dog. However I just cannot feel anything like the bond I had before. While I knew he wouldn't be the same I am still disappointed by the shallowness of my feelings for him. I am annoyed by him jumping up, constantly demanding attention, the way he competes with DDog1- sometimes it feels like most of what he does annoys me in some way and I know that's not fair on him.
Again I will say that I am fond of him, though more in the way I might be with a close friend or relatives dog. Will I be able to ever have a bond with him or am I destined to a life of being primary care giver only?

Accept he is a different dog and he is still young, give yourself time.

I struggled to bond with my current dog, took up trick training with him, he grew up and now we have an un breakable bond. He is my best friend.

I am I a identical situation. We lost one of our boys earlier this year and due to the remaining dog being so devastated we felt we had to get him a friend so much sooner then I was ready for.
We got a totally different breed, because I knew a new dpg would never ever compare to my other boy.

The new dog is nice and sweet, but he is not my boy. He is annoying, stupid and a total pain. - as my dh pointed out so was my other boy! So I guess they are similar.

Its really hard to love them for who they are and not see them as some shitty replacement for our other dogs.

I try very hard. He is sweet and nice but he will never be my other boy. It feels disloyal.

I guess it will take time. I keep reminding myself he is just a pup. He doesn't mean any harm. It is very unfair of me.

I cant help but feel i would swap the new pup for my lovely other boy in a heartbeat.

Give it time. No magic formula I am afraid.

Don't forget you are comparing a lively young puppy to a settled, adult, calm dog. Puppies, whether you adore them or not are bloomin' hard work

I think the your dog is being well cared for and his needs are being met, he's getting cuddled and trained, which he sounds like he is doing, then he will be fine.

Do the things that you enjoy doing with the puppy, which may help. I love the walking and the training, grooming I can take or leave etc.

My advice would be stop trying so hard. Just relax and let yourselves 'be' with them (same advice for buggerboooo). It sometimes takes a while to build bonds with dogs anyway, especially when you have lost one so dear to you, but it will come in time. I know it's hard, but you do need to try not to make comparisons between the two. It can be very easy to look back with rose tinted spectacles when you have shared a dog's lifetime and tend to remember all the good times, but I bet there were days when your other dogs also had you counting to ten with their antics, at least while they were pups?

My current pup is dog number 7 for us. I have loved every single one, but very differently. Two of those dogs have been extra-special and the ones that will forever hold that extra piece of my heart that no-one else will ever get, but there's still an awful lot of heart left for me to love others and appreciate them for the individuals that they are.

When I lost my big lad I thought I would never love another dog, losing him genuinely broke my heart and I was sure I could never bond with another dog as I had with him. I still had two at home and at the time, one was a youngster that was driving me bonkers with her scatty/stubborn ways and antics - BUT - I lost her last year at the age of 14 and found that once again my heart was breaking. That very same annoying youngster that I felt I would never bond with turned out to be my forever girl. In fact I have just been on another forum telling someone exactly how she drove me scatty for the first couple of years of her life, I even went as far as to tell dh that I didn't think we could/should keep her, yet she turned out to be the most awesome dog that I will genuinely miss every day for the rest of my life.

Give it time, you have her/his lifetime to spend together and share all those experiences that will help to bond you together. No, they will never be your other dog, but that doesn't mean you can't and/or won't love them for who they are, you just have to treat your relationship with them as something completely separate from your experiences with your other dog.

I know it's hard and do understand why, but please try not to be so hard on yourselves. You are still grieving, but that doesn't mean you don't/can't love at the same time and if you allow yourself to, it doesn't mean you are being disloyal either, your other dog wouldn't want you to be alone and unhappy or for your love of them to prevent you opening your heart to another. x

I lost my one in a million dog last year too, it's the pits isn't it?

Damn my leaky eyes :(

Thank you all for your words of wisdom and much sympathy for your losses. I was wondering whether I would be flamed alive for my OP. Sadly bugger has hit the nail on the head with "I would swap the new pup for my other lovely boy in a heartbeat"
It's slightly worse as DH has bonded with DDog2 amazingly and feels him to be a close second to his one in a million dog who has been gone over 15 years.
I think it would make me feel better if he was actually a difficult dog then I could blame his bad behaviour and attitude for my feelings. But he is actually really good and as I said before, will be a great worker streets ahead of DDog1 actually This is what makes me feel so bad :(

Anyway thank you once again for your understanding, I may dig the clicker out and try some trick training :)

No-one is going to flame you, what you're going through is incredibly common and totally understandable.

(Ps. I had leaky eyes typing my post too.)

When I moved away from my parents I got a puppy from Battersea and she was my first ever dog of my own, when she had to be PTS at 11 I was devastated but like the OP wanted another dog. Someone my mum knew had a 13 week JRT who they were looking to rehome so I agreed to take her in. To begin with it was a nightmare, after a week I was on the phone to my mum in tears saying I didn't want her, think it was that she was the complete opposite of my old dog. It took time but that little JRT became such a fantastic little dog, she passed away last september and I miss her so much, and I can honestly say she became a special little girl. I can't imagine that I would ever have wanted to give her back. Like moosemama that little girl became my dog in a million.
I think the trick is to remember that they are all different and all have their own little ways and habits and each and everyone is special in their own little way, and it takes time to bond
One day I will get another little JRT girly and hope I have another 15 plus years of fun and laughter with her
Waffled on a bit and I've also got leaky eyes .