Other people's children - minefield

[GobblersKnob]

What do other people do when you are visiting friends/relations who have children and are also dog owners, but treat their dogs very differently?

I am the first to put my hands up and admit that I am not that great with children (except my own), but I find it really difficult to know what to do/say when we visit other dog owners houses with our dogs and the resident children want to kiss and hug them etc.

I find it so difficult to explain why they shouldn't, when they are allowed to do it to their own dogs, plus it is very hard not to look like a prissy patronizing twat in front of the adults who think that kind of behaviour is fine, so I end up looking like the bad meanie who won't let children love her dogs.

I am probably massively overthinking this, but I am not a great communicator, and seem to either end up watching my dogs put up with over enthusiastic handing that they are stoically accepting, but I can see they are not really happy with or, like I said, being aware that everyone is eye rolling at my insistence that the kids respect the dogs boundaries.

Personally I wouldn't take a dog into an environment with children that are used to fussing dogs, or who I think might fuss my dog.

I don't have a dog, but we used to have a nervous rescue dog, who used to need to wear a muzzle out of the home.

It's not the children's fault, and it's unfair to put your dog in that situation.

Why does your dog need to go with you?

My DH is allergic to dogs, my sister used to cut visits to ours short so she could get home to let the dog out. It's just one of those things I'm afraid as a dog owner. Your dog is your pet and if they aren't going to enjoy being with the hosts children then your pet needs to stay behind.

As it happens WalterDog doesn't really mind being kissed and hugged and will walk off when he's had enough, so it's not a big problem.

BUT if he wasn't ok with (or if the children go after him when he's walked off)! I would just laugh and say "oh he's a grumpy old thing and he doesn't like being fussed, so best not to do that." then I would either follow it up with "I think as he's somewhere different he would just prefer to be left alone" or "he would probably like a game of fetch if you fancy throwing his ball? - but no cuddles!"

I know its a bit 'mean' to call the luffly dog "grumpy" but it's in a good cause!

Eric loves fuss but there is a limit to how much he will put up with. I tend to let them all have a pat and a stroke and then Eric settles in his favourite spot which is behind my legs. He appears asleep although he isn't if you look carefully but I tell everyone not to touch him when he is sleeping as he will snap.Because of where he lays it's easy to police.

Practical dog1 actively runs away with tail between legs if anyone moves too quickly to stroke. My BIL thinks it's a game and keeps trying to get her to come to him! Dog will never go near him.
He has a dog, so three young nephews all try to play with my dog.

Have practical dog 2 now who is a puppy, currently taking all the heat! Luckily currently will go to everyone who wants to fuss, just don't want him to have any bad associations. BIL kicked a bag the puppy was sniffing at the weekend! He scooted off with his tail between his legs, was bloody fuming so I took them both home.

I just watch the interactions, if people aren't respecting the dogs, I remove them. Either onto a lead to stay next to me or take them home.

Hmmm, they are great with sensible children and obviously used to kids as they live with two who are both quite young, they just don't look comfortable being hugged tight or being kissed on the face for example, they are more than happy to sit and be gently stroked or to play a game of fetch.

It would cause more eye rolling if we were not to take them, most of our friends and family have dogs and we tend to meet up to do lots of long walks etc, would be very hard to explain why we have chosen not to bring ours!

WalterWhiteMakesBlue, good suggestions, thank you, I am just not good at thinking of things like that, I end up all uptight. insanityscratching mine are a wee bit big to fit behind my legs, which is a shame. I have tried 'please don't lie on them when they are asleep, as they might snap', but everyone always looks horrified, as they all have dogs which are expected to put up with children climbing in their baskets and sitting on them.

I always get to the children before they get to the dogs. I will tell them what the dog does like.

So something like "Do you want to talk to my dogs?

"Muttydog loves it when stand next to him quietly and stroke his head. Look how much he is enjoying that"

Usually the children find that a bit boring, and do not like being patronised by weird dog lady and find more interesting things to do

If you use Facebook I would start sharing www.liamjperkfoundation.org/ for a start, and maybe www.robinkbennett.com/2013/08/19/why-supervising-dogs-and-kids-doesnt-work/

I also am happy to say loudly "dogs don't like hugs and kisses - here, stroke him like this, he loves that ... ooooh looook he really likes you now!" and get them to stroke their chest. As mutty has described - focus on what they should do, not what they shouldn't do.

Okay think I just need to grow a pair and accept being the weird dog lady

Children who don't own dogs are rarely a problem as they are happy to be told how to fuss them and generally only want to give them a quick stroke anyway. It's just kids who have their own dogs and think it is fine to throw their arms around them and kiss their noses.

I'll just have to man up and redirect them (interrupt, redirect, reward maybe I need a pocket full of Haribo alongside the liver cake) and ignore the eye rolling from the grown ups.

Definitely ignore the eye rolling grownups

One of my dogs is great in that if you tell him to "go to sleep" he closes his eyes. A trick that give me hours of amusement .

So asking children to tell the dog to go to sleep keeps both the dog and the children happy. The children can not be noisy either as they can not wake up the dog This only works on children under the age of 7 though!

Or you could just put a label around your dogs neck saying I have fleas - that may work......