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The doghouse

If you're worried about your pet's health, please speak to a vet or qualified professional.

Would you keep a dog that didn't like children in a family with young children?

38 replies

Imsosorryalan · 25/03/2014 23:14

A bit of a no brainer it seems on the surface but our dog has been growling and has snapped ( but not made contact) with two of my dds friends now. :-(

She is great with my children, I guess as they are part of her family but when other children come over for play dates, gets stressed and growls if they come near her crate. ( she usually goes in there, locked and covered up) the snap was at dds friend who has been to visit lots and we had been getting her to throw treats to our dog so I thought she was used to the friend. All she did was stroke her on the way past her and the dog turned round and snapped at her hand.

In fact she pretty much hates everyone new but it's the aggression with children that obviously bothers me the most. We will no doubt have years more of play dates and children over and I don't think I can cope with the stress each episode brings. Maybe she'd be better in a house with no kids.

Most friends can't believe we'd keep a dog that hates children, when we have children but she's fine with ours..

Sorry this is all garbled but I'm so upset at the mo. I love her to bits but I think she's stressed out in our house :-((

OP posts:
nuttymutty1 · 26/03/2014 17:03

Ask your behaviourist about trigger stacking and stress hormones Basically the dog gets over anxious and even mild situations cause the dog to react. If she were locked away from strangers she would relax, cortisol levels drop and as she got more relaxed then you may be able to up the anti.

For example

She is in a room in her crate but the door could be left open,
Then she could then be in her crate when visitors are sitting quietly just talking.
Then maybe able to be in the room when people are more animated and moving around etc.
Then she may feel confident to take herself away when things are getting too stressful - when that happens you have cracked it!

I am glad that you have someone coming to help you sort this - most people would need professional advice in a situation like this - you are doing the right things for your dog - lucky dog Smile Let us know how you get on

EasyToEatTiger · 26/03/2014 17:14

We had 2 dogs when the dcs were born. Neither of them have ever particularly taken to having children around, and by and large we kept them separate though in the same room if needs be. I don't really understand why people assume that dogs should like human babies or any small, unpredictable thing that moves around and gets too close. We used a baby cage, which is useful for tiny children, or dogs. Or for using as a long barrier. I hope you get it sorted. Most people are pretty ordinary pet dog owners and as such we bungle along doing the best we can.

tabulahrasa · 26/03/2014 17:34

"If she was out of the way, ie in a locked room. That would work but how would it help her in the long term, getting used to visitors and children? I would hope to integrate her eventually."

Honestly, I don't know, I'm not an expert, unfortunately (I'd save myself a fortune if I was, lol) - but it would take the pressure off a bit was all I was thinking.

My dog should be perfect, I've always owned dogs, usually rescues with issues that we've managed to resolve, I got a puppy from a breeder with children who'd socialized the puppies well, we picked a puppy that both me and the breeder agreed would be a good fit.

I carried him everywhere until he'd had his injections, he went to puppy parties, puppy training classes, adult training classes, classes with a behaviourist when he first started having what seemed like fairly trainable adolescent issues...

He developed elbow dysplasia at 4 months old, and was pretty much on house rest until he was 8 months old, so he was a bit dog obsessed and a bit excitable, but we did clicker training and scent games throughout that period, made sure he saw visitors and had controlled meetings with other dogs.

Feeling that he just wasn't getting better I signed him up for the behaviourist's classes and 3 sessions in he suddenly turned on her, no warning, no provocation...I was referred to a specialist vet, by the time he saw her he'd done it to two other people (he was muzzled a few days after the first incident) he was trying to attack dogs on sight and reacting aggressively to passing cars.

It seems there's something wrong with his back, he gets shooting pains and reacts to what he thinks is causing it, painkillers have helped a bit, but a combination of taking a while to get the right combination and dosage of painkillers and him learning that certain things cause pain means that training is very very slow.

So I have a lovely affectionate dog who knows about 25 commands, including things like empty the washing machine who I have to shut away from visitors, keep away from people on walks and reacts like a rabid tazmanian devil to other dogs and cars, who's always on lead and muzzled.

It's not what I wanted at all...in fact some days it's just horrible. But, the alternative is to have him put to sleep. (he's a Rottweiller with complicated health issues and a behavioural problem, even if I could find somebody willing to take him, I couldn't with all conscience pass him on)

I hope that one day he will make significant progress, but, in the meantime I've had to work out if he's manageable as he is...so he's muzzled and on lead unless he's either in a secure space or I drive (literally) to the middle of nowhere to walk him, he's kept away from anyone he doesn't know extremely well and I'm trying to sort out the shed and attach a run so that he can be out there if people are here so that I can do things like let my DD have friends in.

That's all very long and you probably didn't need to know half of it - but I just wanted to say, yep, it's rubbish and it could be worse, you could have my dog, rofl

LadyTurmoil · 26/03/2014 18:11

My very inexpert advice would be to have a session with the behaviourist, see what she says about rehoming - at the very least it would maybe take the pressure off, knowing there may well be another option for you to consider.

I don't think it's selfish of you to consider rehoming, because your dog may well be much, much happier and more relaxed in a child-free home, so if that can be found, you will be doing her (the dog) a big favour.

Imsosorryalan · 26/03/2014 18:42

blimey tabulah!! yes my issues now don't seem as badWink

I really just want what's best for her. thanks again. I feel a bit better today and dog has been good today ( no visitors though) so will wait for the behaviourist.
its frustrating that they seem to learn and not forget bad things yet good things take ages to learn!

OP posts:
tabulahrasa · 26/03/2014 19:10

"its frustrating that they seem to learn and not forget bad things yet good things take ages to learn!"

Oh yes, even worse is that you could just fix loads of stuff if you could say one sentence to them, like, look, stay in your bed and I promise nobody will touch you, or in my case, seriously, next time I'm going to let you attack that car, see how you like being run over, lol.

I'd love to be able to have people round without it turning into a military operation of who goes where and maybe one day I might be able to, but in the meantime I just manage him carefully and everyone's ok. It's not ideal and it's not what you're planning for when you get a family pet, but it's not the end of the world either.

He is lovely with us and a few people that he knows really well - it's really hard sometimes to reconcile the soppy licky silly puppy (he's not, he's coming up for 2) with the really reactive beast he can sometimes be.

If you get the behavourist in, get a plan for training and work out how to manage situations - that's a start and if she does become too difficult or you're all just too stressed and unhappy, then you can work out rehoming options from there.

zeedogwhisperer · 09/04/2014 05:59

Just wanna say regarding dog training. I do believe that one of the important keys to a successful dog training is making yourself the pack leader. Establish first your role as a leader and everything will be easy. Best of luck! :)

basildonbond · 09/04/2014 19:13

Oh god not this again

Dogs don't live in packs or have pack leaders so you don't need to be one ...

Consistent, yes, kind, definitely, pack leader , no

calmtulip · 11/04/2014 08:16

Also just wanted to wish you best of luck with whatever you decide. It is a horrible situation and I can empathise with getting a dog that just doesn't work out the way you hoped.

Mine is extremely nervous and reactive and the holidays are Soooo stressful. Children around much more, general business of life, more comings and goings. She hates it all, and barks and barks and barks.

If my children have friends over I tell them to stay upstairs and keep the dog down here with me. It's a good idea to keep the dog to one room though.. I think I will try that next myself.

My only question would be though that she would certainly carry on barking and may well cry and try to get out. What should I do in that situation? Would be more stressful for her to keep her in the room?

After visitors have gone I am totally exhausted and to be honest I now think carefully before inviting people round. My husband complains this is killing our social life but it does just get too much for me

Other things I have tried are using a calming band around her (like a thunder shirt) and I think that really does help her. Also chews and kongs, though they obviously don't last that long.

It's certainly tough and like Talulah says it's not how we imagined life with our lovely new puppy would be. But she's coming up to 2 now so hopefully she will also calm down as she gets older.

Anyway, all rather rambly, but just wanted to let you know that you're not alone and it's a tough decision you need to make.

I hope it all goes well whatever you decide to do. Xx

Imsosorryalan · 11/04/2014 21:28

Thanks everyone. We have sadly made the decision that she (and us) would be less stressed in a house without children. Our behaviourist remarked how tense I always was when my dcs were near her/ petting her etc. and how the dog would also be feeding off this energy so she would never be truly calm either! Id never thought of it like that and it's true I'm always on high alert.

Our behaviourist knows her well and will help to find her a suitable home. I'm so sad I'm losing my companion. I'll be lost without her Hmm

OP posts:
Imsosorryalan · 11/04/2014 21:30

*we would definitely be less stressed in a house without our children! But sorry, I didn't mean it like that. Only that we wouldn't be stressed around the dog

OP posts:
maisiechain · 14/04/2014 16:10

Hi Im sosorry, I know you've made your decision & just wanted to say I totally get why. My dog is afraid of new people too, we are working with a behaviourist but its likely he will never be 100% around strangers. I have accepted this now, but I also have young kids and it has had a big impact in who and how often we have people around. I have to always keep dog separate and can't have people around too long if my dog does not already know them. With the kids friends I feel its better they are just separated as the responsibility is too big.
Its hugely stressful. Don't feel guilty & I know it must be heartbreaking for you, but maybe its for the best.

maisiechain · 14/04/2014 16:17

I should add that our dog has never snapped, but he does growl or bark at strangers. He loves our kids and is a giant softie & is so calm in the house (loony outside). He's a dogs dog really.

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