He's not here anymore - how do I deal with this?

[WandaWitch]

I had to have him pts two days ago he was 18 and had a lot of things wrong that made him unhappy and confused and the vet said it was the kindest thing to do. I knew it was coming but was hoping for a few more weeks. He was my big fluffy baby. Had him from a pup. Before dc, before dh. Just him and me, living on our own, for years. He was with me when my Mum died. He got me through so much. Dc only knew him as an old dog asleep in the corner, so whilst sad at the time were ok later on. The other dog is the one they play with, and as she's still here they're still focussed on her. I just keep crying and shaking. I can't seem to stop. We've got family coming tomorrow, kids bouncing around talking about Santa, presents to wrap, food to cook etc and I just want to curl up on the floor and cry. Dh is doing what he can but no amount of hugs or "I'm so sorry" seems to be making the lump in my chest go. I have lost other dogs, family dogs before which has been awful but this is worse somehow. I can't deal with him not being here. How do I get it together and not ruin Christmas for dc? Tell me how to deal with this please? I'm sorry to be pathetic.

I am so sorry, you will not ruin Christmas, it is ok to be unhappy and grieve.

Perhaps the busyness of Christmas will be a comfort in a strange way? You will be so busy and that can help, at least in the short term.

It's ok to be sad, you have lost a much loved family member.

Dh has gone to the supermarket. Dc are downstairs watching cartoons and playing with cars. I need to get up and get showered. My head hurts. I need to get it together. What the hell is wrong with me? Other dog is snoring next to me on bed. She's usually wherever dc are follows them around and lays near them, but has been glued to me for last two days.

Some people are lucky enough to have a dog that's the one. The special dog that bonds so beautifully with you that you don't even realise the connection.

18 years is a long time to have a dog by your side and on your side no matter what. Grieve for him, both of you deserve it and there will come a day when the memories bring smiles instead of tears. But it's very raw just now and you won't be doing yourself any favours if you try to pretend that you're not hurting.

Just explain to the children that you miss him so very much and that he was very special to you but that its also going to be alright and that you're just a little sad. You won't ruin their Christmas by having the occasional cry if you need to as long as they understand why.

Thank you for replying. I appreciate it. My family know he has gone. They have said they are sorry but are being rather 'He was an old dog and he had a good innings, you must have been expecting it - you were lucky he lasted this long'. Thing is I know he was an old dog and yes, I was expecting it but I still don't seem to be dealing with it. He has been with me for so long, I can't get my head around him not being with me anymore.

That's it exactly Blistory - he was that dog. Thank you for putting it so nicely.

Thank you for listening.

Wanda, your first dog is the love of your dog owning life. Nothing anyone says will help much at the moment, but you will come to terms with your loss. My first dog lived to 18. I got her when I was single and lived in a flat, when she was PTS my I was married with two children, the oldest was 6. She was with me through so much - not a lovely perfect dog but very clever and a real character who knew how to get her own way. I have had 4 more dogs since then but she is still very special to me and I can close my eyes and remember exactly how she felt to touch, and what she smelt like.

Aw bless you, reading your post made me cry you have every right to be sad, it's completely normal. I'm sure your visitors will understand. Take care hun [thanks

God I'm tearing up reading your post. Don't really have any advice but just wanted to say how sorry I am.

I lost my dog last June and was beside myself. I'd only had her three years, can't imagine what it must be like to lose a dog after 18. I went straight out and got another dog that week. Which probably wasn't very sensible but we had such a dog sized hole in the house.

I think all you can do is focus on what a great life he must have had to get to such an old age and be so loved. He was one lucky dog.

Your post made me sob when a loved soul leaves us, it is devastating! No matter if that precious one is a human or animal, if it hurts it bloody hurts. My DM died back in the summer, my first Christmas in 40 + years without her. I still cry most days.
When your guests arrive tell them all exactly how you feel. Do you have a photo of your dog you can put in a prominent place? so you can see the picture all day.
It is such early days, you will need time to grieve. Be kind to yourself, if your family don't understand then say you need some time out tomorrow. Sod the Turkey, you are more important than that.
Take care x

I'm so sorry, I'm crying reading your post. I lost my 9yr old dog 2wks ago and it's so hard. I miss him so much. The first week without him I couldn't talk about him without breaking down and people kept saying, 'where's your other dog?' because I only had my young pup with me and they always would see me with two and that would set me off again having to say he had died. I'm thinking of you, they are such a big part of your life and always there with you.

Didn't want to read and not say anything. I know you must feel your heart is breaking. I had an old dog pts last year at the age of 18 and it was so hard. Feels like a little part of you dies with them, memories, stuff you have been through together. My old girl was mine before kids and hubby. I just try and remember we were lucky to know each other.

Sending you a big hug.

When you have had a special dog that has seen you through tough times it doesn't matter how old they are they will always leave a huge dog shaped hole in your heart .
Big hugs . So sorry for your loss :(

Big hugs, OP. I was where you are back in July. I still cry over my old boy most days but sometimes I am able to speak of him fondly without crying. Those times are finally getting to be more frequent but it took me 6 months to get here. There is no shame in grief and no need to hide it, just take yourself off whenever you need to.

So sorry for your loss. :(

I'm in a similar place . My special lady was put to rest ...on the 19 th . She was old and tired and ill but I feel guilt still . I miss her eyes and her endless love. Thoughts with you .

So sorry for your loss Wanda, Very big hugs. It's not pathetic, it's grieving and very normal. Our very special boxer boy was laid to rest on 12 December and we're both still horribly raw, tears on a daily basis (at least) for me and a huge hole in our heart and lives. Time does help but that's no consolation for you right now. More hugs.

We've lost one of ours too. I felt my heart break, and I just wanted to be with him. I hope you are starting to feel a bit better. Dogs are members of the family, only they don't grow up and move away and they are in our lives all the time. It is an extraordinary bond.

I have missed all the dogs I've lost over a lifetime. But one thing I have learned is not to leave it too long before getting another friend. This does not mean you are being disloyal or callous--quite the reverse. You can let yourself be distracted by a new arrival and enjoy the health benefits of dog ownership AND still be grateful for the old dog's life and mourn them.

I once bought a new dog just three days after the previous dog died very suddenly and young. I still mourn the previous dog but having a new one meant at least I dragged myself out for walks and got some exercise.