New DP's dog is a nightmare! Help! Lol

[JulietBravoJuliet]

I have a dog, new DP has a dog. Mine isn't allowed on furniture etc, his sleeps under the quilt with him every night. Obviously, for him to be able to stay over with me, the dog needs to come too, which I haven't got an issue with, but I won't have a dog on my sofa/in my bed!

He stayed over last week, put dog in my dog's crate (he's crate trained) in my kitchen and he screamed the place down most of the night. He whines constantly to get up on the furniture, pees up everything and, by DP's own admission, has no manners or basic training. I've said what he does at home is his business, but we need to reach a compromise when he's here. He said he's happy for me to instill some discipline in his dog. All good... But where to start?

I'm happy to move the crate into the bedroom as I feel the little fella felt a bit alone in a different room (my dog has run of the house at night, but, by choice, sleeps halfway down the stairs). We can't, at the minute, leave them loose together, as my dog is tolerant but not altogether happy with another dog round the house! I'm distracting him with treats when he tries to jump on the sofa, but it's constant and I'm worried he'll end up the size of a house!

I've never trained an adult dog before, as I've always just not allowed them from pups to climb up, so I'm a bit lost! He's a 2 yo Border Terrier and very strong willed, if extremely cute :)

Honestly, if it was me, i'd tell your boyfriend that he and his dog aren't welcome at your house until he has bothered to teach it some basic manners.

Whether you allow your dog onto furniture or not, the peeing all over your home is totally unacceptable and your boyfriend admits that the dog has no training.

Maybe i'm harsh, but neither would be welcome until both had learned some manners.

Ditto TooOldForGlitter

Where's the respect from either visitor here?

Right... It is perfectly feasible to train a dog not to get on the furniture in some places and allow it in others - so you've just got to get DP properly on side and both set about getting some training sorted into the dog (although Borders are a bit stubborn at times).

I would be tempted to look at kikopup clicker training and try doing clicker training with him - and use it for ANY goodbehaviour that you see. I would be really working on the housetraining and making sure that there was a word command for having a wee - and again clicking / rewarding for weeing in the garden (we housetrained a 2 yo dog that thought that inside was where you did things - she's now completely safe - so it can be done). I think a crate in the bedroom is a good compromise - hopefully in time you will be able to leave the door open too.

Well, just be careful it doesn't become "its me or the dog" because for me, it would!

DP sounds pretty lazy tbh.
It's his dog, it's his problem. His solution that YOU train it for him is laughable. If he wants to take the dog to other peoples homes, then he has to put the work into teaching his dog some basic manners. The dog will respond far better to his owner than you anyway!
I agree kikopup is fabulous. Get DP to watch and implement some of her strategies.

I think you need to consider the problems one at a time, they may not all have the same root cause:

• peeing in the house: changing home is a very unsettling time for a dog he may well be stressed, especially with the change in living arrangements. Try Adaptil collars/Zylkene tablets to see if they help, but otherwise do the usual house training stuff, e.g. out very often (even hour if necessary), don't shout/punish for accidents, clean up accidents really well, reward for peeing in the garden. Also try taking the two dogs together for very long walks. It's a good way for them to bond away from a space that 'belongs' to one of the dogs and he may relax enough to pee.

• sleeping arrangements: I think it's a bit too much to expect a dog to go from sleeping on the bed to sleeping on his own in another room. Bringing the crate into your bedroom may be a reasonable compromise.

• jumping on furniture: of course the dog can be trained but this is something that will take weeks and not hours. Does he know an 'off' command? If not that would be a useful thing to train and then you can use it to get him off the sofa. I would be tempted to reward him for being off the sofa rather than distract him to try to get him never to jump up. Older dogs can certainly be trained, find a good positice rewards method trainer near you and then decide with your DP who will take the dog - perhaps it's something you can do together?

Your DP sounds a little bit lazy about it all, he will have to make adjustments to living together and no dog can be trained by one person, the whole family has to be involved.

He's never had a dog before and I think it's been treated like a bit of a baby substitute. He's the first to admit that he's got no idea about training and he comes from a family where dogs all sleep in bed with them and they're all ok with that.

I think the peeing everywhere was just scent marking and nerves and I've got laminate flooring so wasn't the end of the world. It's more the sleeping in bed etc that I have issues with! We're going to try again this weekend, and the crate will be moved into the bedroom so we'll see how it goes!

Mistlehound, on her first night with us, didn't want to stay in the kitchen on her own. But she'd been in a barn full of dogs, sharing with another - and before that in the pound - and before that who knows, but probably with a whole lot of other dogs... so it possibly wasn't surprising. So, having gone down to her and ended up with her on my lap on the sofa (different rules) and not being able to get to sleep myself, I decided that we may as well try seeing if she would settle in our room - she thought DS's bed was preferable - or perhaps ours, but got off and settled on her mat beside me. She now doesn't even try getting on the bed. She hadn't been trained hardly at all when we got her.

Your DP's dog is haivng a big change with new rules that he doesn't know about. You can quite happily have different rules in DP's house to yours, but you need DP on-side and doing most of the training.

To be fair my dogs are allowed on the sofa and sleep with us on the bed, that is our choice and they still get loads of training. I suspect that the training the dog needs depends on what you want from a dog, e.g. I don't mind mine on the bed, but walking in the arena when I am schooling a horse is a big no-no for me, while I imagine it's completely irrelevant for most other dog owners!

The problem here is your different expectations from the dog and re-training the dog to behave as you want. Has your DP not done any training whatsoever with the dog, recall, lead walking, sit/down? That would be a tad unusual but if he's been happy with the dog so far I suppose it was his business what he did with him.

He hasn't done much! The dog sits when told probably half the time, but gets immediately back up, pulls like a tank on the lead, but recall is good as he's very food orientated so will come back for sausages! I don't care what he does with him at home, but I can't cope with bad doggy manners lol

Focus on the positives...he's food oriented so he should learn really quickly!

Is his dog neutered? Regards the peeing marking his territory all over your place. At 2 years old this is not normal, but can happen especially with an unneutered dog in a house where a female lives.

I just re-read my post and I didn't mean to come across nastily for which I apologise. It just seemed like your boyf wasn't showing you and your home much respect and I jumped on that, sorry.

Yeah the dog was neutered at 6 months.

It's ok TooOld, no offence taken. He was mortified at the peeing on everything. He's aware the dog's very untrained and admits he needs help. My dog's not the best trained in the world but I can take her to people's houses with confidence that she won't pee or climb on their furniture. We're trying again tomorrow night with the dog here and he says I'm to deal with him as I see fit so hopefully some improvement!

Yours is a she and he is a he. Even neutered males can do this where a female resides. The neutered males on the door walks still are very, very interested in my neutered female - love/lust at first sniff is the usual reaction.
I have not had a male dog in my house but would not be surprised if he did pee in the house as is quite common.