Am I being unfair?

[bonzo77]

I don't have a dog. I'd really like one but choose not to ATM because I have a cat and I don't have the time to do one justice.

MIL has a dog. Once it came to my house when it was in heat. She (inadvertently) scared my cats away for several days. And bled on my kitchen floor when DS1 was in his crawling stage, with all that involves. Since then I have said no dogs. And MIL respects that without question. She leaves the dog at home when she visits.

BIL now has a small bouncy poodle cross. It's very cute. But I don't want it in my house. Every time he visits he asks whether to bring it or leave it. We always say leave it. There is a back story, which would be better posted in Relationships, but suffice to say he's a selfish bully who hates my guts. We "play nice" but I feel the undertow.

I think it's his dog, his responsibility. It's not a child. If I was invited to something without my kids, I'd arrange a babysitter. The dog is really a puppy, about 18 months.

Of course you are not being unfair. It is your house and your choice. For what it's worth I didn't allow doggy visitors when we had an elderly cat.

But he is not unreasonable if that means he cannot come if logistics don't allow. I have a one year old dog and will only leave him for 3 or 4 hours.

I have a dog ,if I was visiting people I would not expect to take him unless he was specifically invited ,and that includes when we visit family . Whatever the issues with your BIL you are perfectly normal in not expecting someone to bring their pets when they visit . I particularly wouldn't take my dog anywhere where there were resident cats its just not fair on the cats .

If he couldn't visit due to dog logistics I wouldn't mind! But DH would. We did offer to meet somewhere dog and child friendly if that helped (outdoor cafe, park). Thanks for your input.

We have four dogs who I adore, but I have never questioned for a moment that some family members do not want them to visit. It's really not a problem. It does mean that visits need to be kept quite short but that's always very clear when we arrange things.

Please stand your ground on this, especially as you have young DC. Not all dogs are used to small children, and it is often safer and less stressful for both if they are kept separate.

If we have visitors to our house - that's different. The dogs live here, and are part of the package.

Scuttlebutter, obviously I don't expect them to do anything special with the dogs if we go there. MIL's dog is quite big but very docile. BIL's is very bouncy and smallish and badly trained. DS is a bit wary and I need to watch in case her exuberance causes an accident.