I don't like my dog

[Lifewassupposedtobebetter]

That's it really. I look after her well, I've trained her etc etc. But I just don't like being a dog owner. I feel very sad. It was a mistake to get a dog. She's young so I'm not sure what to do. The rest of the family love her so I guess I'll just have to cope.

What a shame. Have you identified what it is you don't like? The poo, the mess, the restrictions on going out? If you've trained her what are the other family members doing? What breed is she?

Ok, talk to us. What bit of dog ownership don't you like then we can help

Tell us a little about your dog.

I have been there. I was so hung up on trying to do it 'right' I forgot to enjoy it.

x-post!

What they both said. Give us some details :)

I'm not 100% sure why I feel like this. I think mostly I feel rather trapped and that we can't just go out to e.g. the zoo for a day now because it would be cruel to leave her all day. She is also rather submissive and not that friendly with strangers (she was a stray).

She is very affectionate to us though, which makes me feel sad cos I know she loves me.

Shows you care then, if you feel bad about leaving her! You could always get a dog walker, friend, relative, obliging neighbour/teenager to pop in and keep her company if you did go out. Or, alternatively, do stuff that involves her like National Trust days out for seaside trips etc.

The behaviours you describe can be worked on, either by a behaviourist or people on here who know tons and this might improve your feelings towards her.

How much training do you do? This is something I have always enjoyed, despite finding the other things very tough. Our dog learns very quickly and loves to please so I do tons of training and that's increased the bond too.

Walks in areas that you love to walk help. I take our dog to the local lake a lot because I swear he's half dog half fish. Watching him swim around for ages and ages and ages and ages and ages (you get the drift!) always makes me smile.

Others commenting on the dog always reminds me of his qualities too and stops me being negative. Our most common remark is how calm he is for his age and breed and I try to reflect on this etc rather than resenting him for not be able to get out and about as much.

Finally, do you family pull their weight with her? Mine love our puppy to pieces but still left me with the majority of care. When I had a rant about it and made them do more, I found I was less negative too.

Good luck

I think what you're feeling is very common within a few months/the first year of taking on a new dog. What you are feeling is something akin to what many people feel when the y have their first baby and realise how much he or she impacts on their social life etc.

I honestly believe many people feel the same, but don't talk about it - and that can often lead to dogs being handed over to rescue, so well done for being honest and asking for advice.

Keeping dogs is restrictive, that's just one of the things that makes taking one on such a huge commitment and it's something that many people underestimate.

How long have you had her? It takes time to form and build a bond and it doesn't always come naturally. Also, there is absolutely no reason for you to be bearing the brunt of the responsibility. If everyone in the family wanted her and loves her, they should be actively involved in her care. You may well find that she bonds more with another member of the family and that's fine, there's nothing in the rule book that says you have to have the closest bond with her. As long as she's happy, healthy, cared for and has all her needs met you're doing fine.

In terms of finding it hard not being able to go for a day out. Have you thought about finding a local dog-walking or sitting service? If it's just the occasional day out it wouldn't be cost prohibitive and might help you to feel less trapped. Alternatively, do you perhaps have any friends or relatives that may be happy to have her for the day on an occasional basis? I feel for you on this one, because my own dog has separation anxiety and can't be left for longer than half an hour at the moment.

The trapped feeling will be being exacerbated/highlighted by the forthcoming summer holidays, but there are loads of things you can do and places you can go and take the dog with you. In fact it opens up a whole new load of day-out possibilities you may not have considered before - most of which save you money, as it costs very little to head for a gorgeous beauty spot, go for a lovely walk and then have a picnic - especially when you compare it to the cost of going to the zoo or a theme park. Lots of National Trust and English Heritage sites allow dogs on leads. Taking her out to lots of places and rewarding her for being friendly and relaxed will actually help with her not being very forward with other people.

Here are some links for finding out more about dog friendly, family days out:

Dog Friendly Beaches

The Woof Book

The Good Dog Guide

Take Your Pet

The 10 Best Dog Friendly Beaches

Cross posted with needastrongone.

Yep you will just have to cope. I hate these threads (and probably should stay away from them)

You can't go out for the day without making plans - well you knew this before you got her so this should not have been a mega surprise.

However there are millions of us with dogs who still manage to get out and about - find a good dog walker or dog sitter, get used to making plans and you can do what you did before you had a dog. In fact you can do more with a dog, go to local dog shows, join an agility or obedience club use your dog to help increase your activities not stop them. Make friends with people with dogs and look after their dog and they will return the favour for you.

It is not your dogs fault - you have to make this work for all of you.

Have you had her long? If not, I think you will adjust and it will get easier, and the love may grow! Good luck.

snap moosemama

Idirdog - I am going to start a thread about training needapup and lure you away

OP did state the dog was a stray so therefore may not have had the opportunity to plan as much as some do.

Was she a rescue? Would her foster carers/the rescue look after for days out? I'd be overjoyed to have any of my ex-fosters back for the day.

Dog walker? Dog friendly family members? Neighbours?

We have days out without the dogs. Devil Dog is very much his own dog and prefers his own company, even if we are home he often opts to be alone. Whippy loves people and hates being left alone. If we're having a day out I get up a few hours earlier than everyone else, walk them both, deposit whippy at my parents and leave Devil Dog with plenty of water and toys.

Who-ever is covering my lunchtime shift at work comes in and gives him his lunch and half an hours walk. My Dad then picks him up at around 6pm and he gets a good couple of hours on the beach on the beach with all the dogs, both he and whippy are then dropped off at home to wait for us.

Not had her long (2 months)...thanks for your thoughtful responses

2 months is no time. Still very much in the getting to know each other and adjusting stage. It will get better - especially if you follow some of the advice on this thread.

Training classes will also help, as not only will it build your dog's confidence, it will help you bond and get you involved in the social life that can come along with having a dog.

Is tough but you need to look on the bright side and all the positives. Our rescue is very nervous but our training bods run a doggy walking day where she goes off with other dogs for a variety of walks for the whole day. I love it as she gets some social skills and I use that day to plan days out with kids eg. Zoo

God, 2 months in I'd have swapped my dog for half a Mars bar Now, you'd prize him from my cold, dead grip. Yep, having a dog is restrictive. It impacts on your freedom. Last minute weekends away have to become a bit less last minute. A day trip out requires someone to come in and see to the dog. But, these things are all possible. Find a decent kennel and a good dog walker. Even if you don't need them right now, knowing that you have those contacts will make you feel less trapped. Yes, it costs, but it quickly becomes another normal outgoing for a trip out. Find something you can do with your dog that you really enjoy, a class, or a walk in the woods, or training something a bit different (dancing etc). I honestly didn't realise how much having a dog is actually a lifestyle choice, not just a pet iyswim. I love watching mine charge around the woods, or run like lunatics after a ball. I like going on long walks and ending up at a dog friendly pub It's really early days for you, and all you can feel is the responsibility and all you can see is the work. But I promise you, that if you throw yourself into dog ownership you'll wake up one day and realise that your dog is your mate. You'll want to spend time with her, you'll have your little routines, and you won't be able to contemplate a life without her

It took at least 6 months to get used to our 2nd reprobate and when the 3rd came to live with us it took about 18 months to get his running off under some control. It was hell living with an out of control dog who's only interest in us seemed to be for food and accommodation. These days he is gorgeous and like a normal dog! It can feel like a huge upward learning curve. You'll get there!

I felt just the same as you! I wish I'd seen a similar thread at the time. I think it was like post puppy depression!

It soooo much better now, one year on. Having a dog walker/sitter helps massively so you feel less trapped. Nice walks too, help you bond but it can take time.

I would seek advice re. the behavioural issues.

You're not alone!

Your dog will be a member of your family but she isn't your child so the bond isn't instant. It will happen though x

Aaaargh, puppy ownership is hard. We have had ours for 2 weeks and, having a 4 year old, I have not long got used to whole nights sleep again! It is such hard work.

Sometimes it's no bad thing having a dog that's not friendly with strangers (as long as they're not aggressive of course!) As others have said there's always friends/neighbours/family to pop in whilst you're out at the zoo (or take her to a kennel for the day/doggy day care etc). Realistically how often do you want to go out for a complete day? As you say it may just be the feeling of being trapped. Most dogs can go 4-5 hours on their own occasionally so you'd only need care for longer trips. I hope you bond in time as you both sound lovely.

Your comments have helped so much . I really appreciate it. I've got a couple of family members who can probably dog sit and you are right that we don't often go out for a whole day usually morning to early afternoons. We like walking so will try to involve the dog more.

Good to hear you're feeling better about things.

Sometimes I think it just helps to know that you're not alone and people understand what you're feeling.

Some days I know how you feel ..

I have to force myself to think of the things that have changed for the better since we got her (nearly 3 months ago)

When I'm out I think 'this is only because of her, otherwise I'd be slobbing it on the couch no doubt' .. I'm a single parent that doesn't get much adult conversation so I thank her for just being able to chat to other dog owners .. who knew random chatting to strangers is perfectly acceptable as long as you have a dog? (fair enough, the convos are usually limited to how bad fox poo stinks, but it's better than nothing)

So yes ... although shes time consuming and attracts fleas and is something else to worry about .. but the good outweighs the bad

I don't always like my dog very much either! She is hard work, prone to rolling in smelly stuff, we can't take her many places because she gets really stressed/hyper - but we've all kind of grown together over the years. She usually gets looked after by my Mum when we go away as she copes very badly with new places. She is quite happy left at home for a few hours while we go out - she has a comfy basket and has a good snooze.
But on the plus side - she is affectionate, good with the kids, always pleased to see us and eats up leftovers. We have never tired of seeing her run and play and enjoy herself - our dog was a rescue too and however hard we've found her, it's nice to see her having fun.
Not everyone is sentimental about their pets, but still find things about them that they enjoy.