Feel so guilty since we had our dog put to sleep.

[SVN]

Please forgive the self-indulgent post, it's more to clarify things in my own mind and hopefully get some comfort from writing it down.

On Wednesday evening we had to put our dearly loved Springer Spaniel to sleep. He was eleven years old and hadn't been eating for the last week (except tidbits) and had become reluctant to go for a walk (unheard of previously). The vet admitted him on Tuesday for X-Rays and on Wednesday phoned us to tell us that he had a large mass in his abdomen and several smaller ones in his lungs and advised us that the only option was to have him put to sleep. Obviously we were devastated. He was our first dog as a couple and was essentially like our first child.

On Wednesday evening, we went to the vets to say our goodbyes. The dog seemed to have deteriorated even since the day before, but he was pleased to see us and was wagging his tail (which made it all the harder). I so desperately just wanted to take him home. We spent half and hour with him in the room before the vet came in. When she did come in, the dog kept walking to the door as if he wanted to go home.

Once he was lying down they said that as he had a catheter in already (from a drip he had because of the not eating) they wold administer the euthanasia serum through that. But when they tried, it hurt him as the catheter had moved. They then had to put a new catheter in him (which was unsuccessful and made him yelp) and then finally the third catheter, after which they put him to sleep.

I know losing a pet is difficult and it's fair to say that I am absolutely heartbroken, but the thing which keeps upsetting me the most is the thought that in his final moments he was unwell, being pulled about and hurt and all he wanted to do was come home with us. I feel like we failed him and instead of being the calm end of life everyone tells you it is, that it was just a horrible scary moment for him and we did nothing to stop it.

I know he had a great life and it brings me great comfort to think that we could provide that for him, but I feel as though I can't get past this immense feeling of guilt at how it all ended.

I'm sorry for the long-drawn out post. It has helped just to write it down as people in my real-life wouldn't really understand, or those who would understand would find it too upsetting themselves.

Thanks.

You poor thing. He was probably in pain and to have to travel home etc might have caused him more pain. He is at peace now.

I really feel for you.

We are getting close to that time with one of our Springers (we have three). She's 13 and deteriorating. It will break my heart to do the necessary, and I am absolutely dreading it.

Please don't feel guilty. You gave your dog eleven wonderful years. I'm sure you know in your heart you did the right thing for your dog, and he would have been comforted that you were there with him at the end. The last thing you did for him was the kindest thing you could have done, and he is no longer in pain.

I'm probably not getting this across too well, but (((hugs))) from a fellow Springer Spaniel lover.

You did the right thing. If you had left it your poor boy would have been in pain, his organs would have failed and he could have had some horrendous symptoms.

It is always hideous but you must take comfort from the fact that you have saved him from suffering.

In time I hope you can look back at the happy times that you gave him.

I am so sorry that you have had to go through this.

I am also so sorry you had to go through this.

We went through something similar when we lost our boxer cross years ago. He actually only went in to have xrays to check for mets, but hated the vets and needed to be sedated when he was admitted. He fought every step of the way, the sedative just wouldn't take and after repeated doses the vet couldn't give him any more, saying she'd given him enough to knock out a rhino already. He was thrashing around and walking round and round and falling over. In the end I had to sit on the floor and hold him on my lap with a blanket over his head and the lights off to try and get him to calm down so that his adrenaline would reduce and the sedative could take. I had my first dc just a few days earlier, so was already sensitive and hormonal. It was horrible.

Half an hour after we left the vets, while we were still in the car, they called to say he had significant mets right through just about every organ and the kindest thing was to let him go while he was under. They kept him sedated until we got there, we said our goodbyes while he was sleeping and let him go. It still makes me cry to think about it now.

For a long time I felt like you do and kept playing it over and over in my head, so guilty, torturing myself with wondering if we should have just taken him home and let nature take its course - but - 11 years later, having lost two more dogs in the meantime I have finally realised that it was the right thing for him, despite how hard it was on us. He was already suffering, he just wasn't showing us how bad it was and we spared him the inevitable pain and distress he would have gone through had we decided to bring him home.

We have just been through a very similar thing again. We lost oldgirl at the end of April to osteosarcoma. She was in a lot of pain, but determined to carry on as normal and even when she broke her leg through the tumour, showed no change in behaviour. We discovered the break because she went in to have xrays for mets (so very similar circumstances to our boxer x). The leg had been stable less than 48 hours before and as I said, she gave us no indication she'd broken it. This time, unlike our boxer x, she was awake when we went back to the vets, so we got to say a proper goodbye before we released her from her pain.

Dogs are so strong and so loyal that often they don't show us how much they are suffering and if at all possible, we need to be the ones to relieve them of the responsibility they feel by releasing them from their pain. Far better the quick pain from the nick of a needle, than struggling on for days/weeks in pain and distress.

There is always some guilt involved with this, no matter what. You were there with him when he needed you most and he will have been comforted by your presence. He was released from his pain knowing how much he was loved, having had a wonderful life with you. You did the right thing.

Hello,

Thank you all for taking the time to reply. Your comments and stories have really helped me gain some perspective on it all. I would hate to think that we let him suffer unnecessarily and I'm sure once the initial pain of losing him has gone, I'll realise that we made the right decision.

I'm so sorry for those of you who have suffered a similar loss. It really is a horrendous thing to go through, but like all of you, I wouldn't swap my time with him for anything.

Thanks for listening. You really have made me feel much better.

x