Re-homing Heartache

[modernbumpkin]

This is really hard to explain but basically I have 2 dogs, a terrier and a wolfhound x. They are both brilliant, I love them both so much but my big dog Bertie is becoming too much. He is a massive dog, his head is at hand height. I have a dog gate separating a room off in my house for them both so that my 17 month old son doesn't bother them all the time, he has just learnt to walk and my intention was, once he was walking to let them all mingle but because of Berties size and the lack of size of my house I can't. Bertie also requires a lot of care, he's lacking in the brains department and I have to constantly keep an eye on him to make sure he hasn't caused himself yet another injury. It has now got to the stage where I don't feel like I can cope with him any more, it's like a military operation taking the dogs out for a walk as we live some distance from an area that is suitable for him to be walked, he is too big to do up and over gates and I also have to avoid over busy areas as many kids are nervous of him purely because of his size. Anyway not getting into my reasons too much my husband has basically said he understands that as all the child/pet care is up to me and ultimately it is my decision if I want to re-home him or not (he works long hours in London). I have mulled this over for several months now and I just can't see any other way than to find him a more suitable home but I just don't know how I'm going to do it. I have tears in my eyes writing this but I just feel that someone else can give him the love and attention he requires. I feel like the only reason I would not give him up is guilt and that is not a reason to keep a pet. Help, my husband is making me feel like the worst person in the world but all of my friends and family completely understand and support my decision.

If you can't cope with him then it's only fair that he goes somewhere that can cater for his needs. It's far worse to ignore the issue and keep hold if unhappy dogs than it is to do your best to find him a suitable home.

It's clear that you love him and want the best for him and he's been cared for. It's very sad that you feel you can't even walk him for fear of scaring people. Surely if he's walking on a lead and behaving there's no issue? Would training classes be an option do taking him out isn't a mission?

I would contact local and national sighthound rescues and tell them what you've told us. You might have a wait.

A few things stand out in your OP that are more than fixable though.

Why do you have to avoid busy areas? You have as much right as anyone to walk where you please, as long as Bertie is under control and not bounding up to strange children, the rest is their issue. Dogs are a part of daily life, non dog owners just have to accept that unfortunately.

What's he injuring himself on? Can't you dog proof one area of the house?

Why can't you let them mingle, under supervision? Unless Bertie is aggressive or needs extra training to stop him bouncing it shouldn't be an issue, a minor bump from Bertie won't hurt your little one. My 6yo still gets knocked off her feet by greyhounds occasionally, always has done. She's fine with it.

Could you afford a dog walker a few days a week? Would that help?

Bertie sounds very loved and before you know it your little one won't be so little and will be at school/nursery. It seems shame to rehome him for the sake of a little time and some effort.

Having re-read the OP, you say that Bertie's head is at hand height? Do you mean when you hold your arms out or when they are down by your side?

Because if it's the latter, then you are either very short or Bertie is not that big for a wolfhound cross I have a greyhound with me atm whose head comes just past my waist and I'm 5ft8

I walk him on the school run sometimes. A few kids shied away from him at first, but I always keep him close to my side and walk him on the inside of the pavement. Once the children realise he's not interested in them most of them are fine, a few actually want to stop to pet him.

I'm sure Bertie would be fine walking in busy areas.

I don't know you and I don't know your circumstances but so many people just give up on their dogs when they get children. It does my head in. Of course things will change and become harder but you are the one that created this situation and you should be prepared to put in some work to make it work.

You child will not be 17 months for ever, things change quickly and things will be easier to manage.

I agree with Doin there is a lot you can do to deal with this difficult stage. Or you could just give up get on with your easy life and get rid of the dog

Can you not take the dogs out separately? Please do not be afraid to take him out! As doin said , if he's on a lead and being controlled the rest is their problem not yours! All the have to do is walk round or cross over.

Your vets may well have numbers for local trainers if you need one.

Also it does seem like you are even looking for the easy option of how to rehome your dog by asking how to do that

Very tall* not short, clearly being short would make poor Bertie even smaller

Honestly, walk him where you like, where ever is easier as long as he is on a lead, he'll be fine. Muzzle him if you think it would make other people and yourself feel better, although I doubt there is need for that.

One boy on our school run has a very morbid fascination with my greyhounds teeth...

small boy: Wow that's a big dog.
me: Yes.
sb: Is he a wolf?
me: No, he's a greyhound
sb: He has very big teeth.
me: Yes, but he's very gentle and I won't let him bother you.
sb: I'm not scared of him. Has he ever bit anyone?
me: No.
sb: I bet he could bite someone's arm right off and there would be blood squirting out everywhere
me:
sb: Will you teach him to bite Mr. Teachers arm off? That would be funny.
me:
sb's mother: We do not encourage dogs to eat your teacher. Home. Now.

Is there more to this OP? If you explain in more detail what, exactly, the issues are, we can help and advise or point you in the direction of further help.

At the end of the day, it's your choice, but sound so heartbroken by it and it is fixable. This too will pass, as they say.

Um, isn't hand height about lab sized? I'm also not really understanding what the problem is... If you're having specific behaviour problems maybe it'd be helpful to say in case anyone can help?

If you're set on rehoming him, try breed rescues, they usually take crosses and will vet suitable homes.

My lurcher, whose head is at hand height when I have my arms relaxed, would be quite happy jumping a 4' gate or stile to get over. Do you know what the x is likely to be - is he a heavy build or lighter like a whippet or greyhound? If the later, he could probably go over too if you taught him?

My DS has grown up with a dog not much smaller - and its been lovely. He is now very good with dogs - the rescues we went to to get a new dog when our last one had to be put down last year could see this and had no issues with rehoming a dog with us (he's now 8 so a fairly active age).

The dog gate sounds ideal for much of the time, but you might find that you could let them mingle for short periods when you can give really close supervision. The only terrier x that I have personal knowledge of I wouldn't have trusted an inch - whereas the lurcher we have (much larger) is much more trustworthy with children - I clearly wouldn't leave her unsupervised with unknown children, but she's very good natured with them.

I can't understand why he would frighten people , there is a wolfhound who lives near us and even toddlers find him fascinating not scary , it takes. His owner ages to go on a walk as people keep stopping her to stroke him!

Bertie is very large, he weighs 45kg and can comfortably poke his head over the stable door in the kitchen to give you more of an idea. Also he was hit in a hit and run at 3 months and it has left permanent damage to his back legs and he often twists muscles etc because his legs aren't strong. I have spent a lot of time and money training him which has made it easier but he is so strong even with a halty harness I struggle to walk him on he lead with the pram and I can't have Rory in a sling as I have a bad back. Trust me when I say I have tried everything. We have already had to move and change car to accommodate him as a dog but with son getting more active and us planning no.2 I'm at my Witt's end.

I understand how people get angry with people taking on animals and then "giving up" but this simply isn't the case. My circumstances have changed greatly as have Berries need.since we have had him. I have actually contacted my trainer for advice as she is a large breed specialist. She is meeting with me to see if firstly we can make life a bit easier for us both. I do not entertain the idea of re-homing Bertie lightly.

Where do you live? This is really tugging at my heart strings - Im in the south east, i could help you walk him

and 45kg is nothing, my mums dog is 60kg and a yeti - she is 4'2" and 76 years old.

How old is he?

Sorry to be negative, but you do realize that a big dog with a medical issue who isn't lead trained might not find a new home easily?

If the walking nicely on the lead is the biggest issue - that's what your trainer should be working with you on.

Would hydro therapy or physio be an option to strengthen his back legs? If you can get that sorted , then focus in getting him walking well on the lead with a buggy perhaps , building up to taking buggy with baby and the dog by the side.

Perhaps a different style of leash would be more suitable to gain maximum control I'm sure doggy experts here could help you with that. Also I second the friend/helper suggestion with the walking.

Lead walking tips

It won't take long to teach this if you are consistent.

What kind of halti do you use? The head collar or harness? You could try the other kind. Different things work for different dogs. Could DH walk him after work?

Another thing to remember, your terrier will actually need more exercise than bertie big boy! Walking a really big dog for miles is not always a good thing, yes he needs exercise but don't fall into the trap that big dog = loads of exercise. Ive had rotties in the past who were quite happy with lead walks around the block or to the beach which isnt that far from me. I now have two terriers and they could walk all week! If you could maybe walk the dog first thing in the morning and then DH after work, or the other way round if he leaves early am then you wouldnt need to balance dog and child. I do remember walking my rottie when DD was in her pushchair, he was a bit of a puller but i have a cast iron grip and just used to make him walk next to the push chair. I wish that I had mumsnet when i had my rottie actually. He was a rescue dog and had issues when we got him, i had an older DD at the time (about 13 and used to big dogs). Then out of the blue DD2 came along. I was a bit concerned at first but all seemed well. When DD2 was about the same age as your DS, the dog bit my older daughter, really quite badly - not an attack, she trod on his foot when he was asleep and he naturally turned round and snapped, she was about 16 at the time and at home alone with the dog, she insisted it was her fault and not the dog. I was a real state of course and felt i needed to rehome. He was already a rescue dog and battersea told me if i returned him then he would be put to sleep, so i resolved to finding him a good home. I have a lotof doggie connections and was working with an ex police dog trainer who helped me train him to find him a suitable home (generally the advice is not to home personally but i was vetting along side this guy). Anyway, no home was forthcoming and about six months later it transpired that he had bone cancer in the leg DD1 trod on - he had to be PTS. It makes me feel sick to my stomach to think that i considered rehoming him and im glad it never happened and he got to be with us til the end. I think if I had mumsnet and all the good advice at the time i would have felt more confident to keep him, as it was, it was taken out of my hands but i'll always feel guilty for even considering it. I actually think it would have resulted in a split with me and DP too. He was our dog, we took him on, I didnt know i was going to end up with another baby but it wasn't the dogs fault. I would not get a huge dog now, even though DD2 is seven, i have two JRTs that have lots of play in them and are brilliant. Id find a big dog hard work.

My dogs are 70kg each, I can walk them with the buggy. Headcoller and practise, I go anywhere and honestly they are way easier than my little dogs.

You could try wolfhound rescue, dunno if they will touch a cross? But really your situation sounds solveable...look on dane, wolfhound and mastif sites and get tips.