Really struggling...

[needastrongone]

I feel so dreadful writing this.

Firstly, we have a 7 month old Springer. He's a well mannered, well behaved, gentle dog. Perfect in many ways. Never chewed or nipped or cried at night. Toilet trained etc.

I walk him twice a day for 2.5 hours at least in total. Train him (he's done his KC Bronze), clicker train, feed him lovely food, groom him, kids play with him lots. He's not left for more than 3 hours ever. In the evenings he's at my feet in the living room and I stroke and cuddle him. he gets that during the day too from me. None of us have ever shouted at him, we use positive praise always.

He's had lots of medical issues already, thorn in his eye so he will eventually go blind, a tumour on his foot which has been taken off but he's opened the wound despite a collar the size of Mars (!). I am at the vets at least twice a week at the minute and it feels never ending.

I am so struggling to bond with him, which is breaking my heart. Have tried so hard to love him, I thought I did, but I look at him and feel nothing. I have posted quite a bit on here, think I have been trying to convince myself as much as anything about all the good stuff he is and does.

Please don't think I will rehome, DH and the kids love him to pieces and I wouldn't want them to know this. I have never shouted at him (apart from when he ate my seedlings!!), I meet all his needs and will always do so, we have adapted our life to fit him. I would never ever be cruel to him in anyway, shape or form. I chat with him during the day all the time and he follows me everywhere, flops at my feet and then just stares at me intently until I move. Which I find a bit hard tbh.

I don't care about the mud or the hair or any of that, I don't care about the medical bills etc or the chasing around to the vets all the time.

But I want to love him, I want to look at him and feel overwhelming love, and I feel nothing.

Please don't flame me, I want to love him and am asking you guys if there's anything else that I might do to help?

Needastrongone you are a fab owner, my dog guru in fact!! The main thing I've gauged from reading so many puppy threads is there are good days and bad days and I too have found it overwhelming at times, like you I like everything to be perfect and to control things but you are definitely too hard on yourself as you do tons more than i do! Perhaps it's a case of the "honeymoon" being over and the joy of a new puppy is now settling into the realisation that this is it, for a long time life will revolve around your dog! But you can't keep up the pace forever so just know that strongpup is a dog, as long as he is fed, watered, loved, has attention and a warm bed at night he is fine!!

I can relate to everything you have said. We have my DDs dog most of the time. He has lived with us for nearly two years but I don't know if he "loves" me and i dont know if i love him. He is with me all day every day, I feed him, I speak to him, he is allowed on my bed when DH leaves for work. He stays in bed till I get showered and dressed and then he goes out into the garden. If I sit and have a coffee in the afternoon he sits beside me and shares my snack. I play with him and i do look after him properly but his barking drives me nuts.

When my DD comes home at the weekend he hardly comes near me and when DH comes home at night he goes to him, all he does for him is take him out at night. He is going back to DD when she moves into her new house but he will be coming to me when she is at work.

The only time I can get him to go to his bed is at night but he usually goes on his own anyway. He has only started to sit unless you are giving him a treat. He does have recall but is not safe to be on busy roads and now I worry about him getting ticks because he won't let the vet near him so I avoid walks in grassy areas. It does sometimes feel stressful.

Saying that, I do like him, I just don't know if I love him. Friends say I will miss him when he goes but I don't think I will.

We have always had springers, but at least 2 at a time. Yes, they still look and watch your every move with those beautiful spaniel eyes, but mine are quite happy with eachothers company. They use eachother as a pillow and lie in a lovely warm heap, or chase eachother round the garden and entertain eachother when I am busy. Maybe you need 2.................

I feel the same. I don't know why but I worry she will bit someone (us or a stranger), I also feel rather trapped that I can't just go out for the day without having to find someone to look after her, or worry if I leave her all day.

No No not two!!! DH really wants another though....

Thanks again. I am trying hard to relax a bit more. I am glad (in the nicest possible way) that it's not just me who hasn't immediately bonded. I would be lying if I came back on and suddenly said I loved and adored him in a big flood of emotion but I have been looking for ways that he makes me smile and stopped feeling that I have to do stuff for him and with him all the time.

Odd thing is, he adores me!! He will purr in pleasure when I come in the room and would run to me before anyone else so I am glad he's not feeling like me the way I feel about him lol .

Another strange thing is that DD has recently got a pony and I totally feel the love for him and did do from first going to see him

Rose - hope you are ok?

Some days are better than others. She accidently knocked a fellow dog walker over the other day (the other person's dog was hassling Poppy and she ran into her while trying to get awaay). I just wanted to run away and leave my dog there, but it wasn't really her fault.

need that's the strange thing though isn't it how some you bond with and some not so much . My family say I love the dog more than I love anyone else ( they may well have a point!) but my sons pony who we have had for 14 yrs leaves me cold . Having said that I no longer have a horse as I would be unable to replace my first horse who was the love of my equine life . Fortunately for the current pony we don't sell on so she is having a very long and luxurious retirement whilst sneering at me whenever I see her .

I'm glad I saw this thread.

I feel the same way about my poor dog. Yesterday I just sat crying my eyes out. I never realised a puppy would be such hard work.

He gets up at 5am so I am sick with tiredness. I am on High Alert every second he is awake in case of accidents. The house is even more of a tip than usual because I have to watch his every move.

And the real killer is that he hates the car. Not just hates - he's terrified of it. I thought we'd be going out for walks, on trips etc etc - but he has spontaneous diarrhoea even when I start the engine. I have tried the "baby steps" advice - just showing him the car, feeding him in the car etc etc which is all ok - but as I said, just the key turning and his bowels evacuate. On a five-miinute journey he's rolling around in poo. I feel so trapped.

Are you travelling with him on the seat or in a crate ?

In a crate. He is a large dog and I have to really struggle to get him to go in. He fights me all the way. A week or two longer and I won't be able to manhandle him at all

Perhaps he would be happier on the seat with a harness .

Have you tried talking to the Vet? Or an Adaptil collar, I have heard these are highly recommended. Or maybe not feeding for 4/5 hours prior to a journey, to there's less chance or an accident? It's hard isn't it?

Floral - there's no accounting for that either is there when you make the decision to get a dog/animal, not really anyway, so you take your chances and assume the bond will develop. I haven't fully got my head round the selling on of ponies/horses yet, it seems almost 'normal', but you wouldn't ever do it with a dog!

Still trying here and hoping it will come

Yes that's the point ,to us a pony/ horse is a family pet like the dog ,cat or rabbit ,so once you get it you keep it for life .