Be brutally honest with me - should we get a dog?

[Lovecat]

I know that I can rely on The Doghouse for erm... robust opinions, so please tell me if I'm being unrealistic here.

I was made redundant and currently work 10 hours a week, but that contract will run out after Easter. DH would prefer it if I were at home full time and having worked since I left school at 16 (am now late 40's) it's tempting to agree. However I think I will go stir crazy in the house and would like a dog for company/exercise. DH had dogs when he was a child and would love to have a dog, I know DD would be ecstatic if we got a dog.

However, here are the facts as they stand and on that basis I would like some advice as to 1) should we actually get a dog and 2) What would be best suited to us? :-

DD is nearly 8, has always loved dogs but having not had a pet before (we had 2 cats when she was born but they died of old age when she was 3) she seems (to me) to be slightly of the mindset that they are larger versions of her cuddly toys - when we emergency fostered some kittens before Christmas, she was quite miffed that they wouldn't sit on her lap and be stroked on her terms. Both DH and I have repeatedly explained to her that animals need their own space and it's their decision if they want some love, to respect their boundaries. We think this has sunk in. She is also mildly dyspraxic so quite clumsy.

DH's family had springer spaniels when growing up, but from what I have gleaned they died (also of old age) when he was about 8 and were not replaced. Consequently he had little or nothing to do with their looking after other than playing/walking with them. It also slightly bothers me that he said 'ooh, yes, I want a nice big dog so I can wrestle with them'.... I have pointed out to him that he is a large middle aged man and not an 8 yr old boy any more, btw! He has made it plain that he does not want to do any poo-picking etc. if we do get a dog.

There was a dog in the house when I was born (also a springer!) but it was quite elderly and bad-tempered and it bit my brother when I was a baby, so my parents had it put down :( So I don't have any dog or puppy experience either. I have owned my own horse, however (so no stranger to poo) and the aforementioned cats lived til age 18 so I'm not inexperienced with animals.

So I would be responsible for the dog's day to day welfare, which is fine by me. We have no carpets downstairs and are used to getting cat hair/horse hair off everything. My current work is 5 hours a day, 2 days a week (plus 1/2 hour max per day for the commute), if we didn't wait until the contract is over I would get a dog walker to come and take the dog out while I was away. I would want to do dog training classes and quite like the look of doing agility work.

We live in a terraced house with a fully enclosed garden (7ft fences/walls) however the local foxes have dug a hole beneath the fence on one side and although we keep filling it in they keep digging it out again - other than concreting it up, I'm not sure what we can do here (would having a dog in the garden occasionally make the foxes less likely to use it as a short cut?). We are 5 mins walk each way between 2 big parks, one wild (part of Epping Forest) and one very formal but popular with dog walkers. We also have the larger part of Epping Forest about 15 mins away by car.

Re. holidays, we mainly go camping so the dog would come with us. For the odd time we go abroad to hotels, family members have offered to dogsit but if that did not materialise, we would pay a dogsitter or use kennels (are kennels good? I'm assuming they're ok but am willing to be told I'm wrong!)

Have I missed anything out? I think with my inexperience we probably don't want a puppy (well, I know DD would but I'm not sure about it!) and would rather have a youngish rescue dog than go via a breeder as there seem to be so many dodgy stories. I personally have no problem with staffies or greyhounds but DH doesn't like either (the former he considers 'dodgy' the latter 'skeletons' .

Sorry for the essay - let me have it! (if the consensus is 'Christ no, don't get a dog!', I can take it!)

Great you are obviously thinking seriously about this, first thoughts are:
your garden needs to be made safe
DH will need to overcome his poo aversion, what if you are unwell?

If you haven't had dogs for ages then before you commit to getting a dog, go and see your local trainer, he or she should be able to introduce you to some dog owners as they will be honest about their dogs and their traits, e.g. will eat anything including socks, will roll in poo, gets anxious when left, needs massive walks twice a day.
I also think it's a good idea to see if they will let let your DD meet their dogs, again before you commit to getting one, as it is very easy to fall in love with puppies and rescue dogs and your judgement is clouded by soppy brown eyes. So try and spend some time with a dog that is not yours. Puppies are cute but not cuddly toys they are like toddlers, mine threw up all the way down the stairs yesterday, they are hard work at first. They have super-sharp teeth and can wreck your house and crucially, they become dogs- children like puppies but a lot of children are afraid of big dogs.
You mentioned DH wants a big dog. Well - big dogs can reach the back of kitchen counters, mine will eat anything that is left out and there are frequently muddy paw marks all over the surfaces how would you honestly feel about that?
Dogs change your life in many ways, you will not be able to just up and go off for a day if you get one, someone will need to come in and walk it or spend time with it.
If DH is not fully on board I would not get a big dog or bouncy breed that needs a lot of exercise (or any dog actually but that's just me). Whole family will need to follow training which is harder than it sounds.

But yes, you could have a dog, and it's great you have given it such thought. They are fantastic.

He has made it plain that he does not want to do any poo-picking etc. if we do get a dog.

this is the only thing I have read which makes me think no, don't do it.

You definitely sound ready, DH not so much especially if he is not willing to deal with poo. Sorry, but that's a big part of dog ownership for the health and wellbeing of everyone around you.

I think rather than see this as a binary Have A Dog/Do Not Have A Dog - another way to look at this is to gradually increase the amount of dog-time in your lives so you can make a more realistic assessment as a family of how it might work.

Most local rescues are always delighted to have someone to help with things like dog walking or various volunteer duties. Helping a local rescue by doing a weekly dog walk will be great for all of you - lots of exposure to different dogs, an opportunity to find out more, and a great way to gently help DD get used to being around dogs. During the summer months particularly, virtually every weekend, local rescues organise things like fun dog shows, picnics, events etc. Take DD along, have fun, maybe volunteer, talk to people, ask questions, and have MORE fun (v important, this. ) Along the way, DD will get a better feel for being around dogs and you will begin to pick up more info about different types/breeds/activities etc.

Another option is to volunteer for a wonderful charity called the Cinnamon Trust - you do dog walking for someone who is either elderly/housebound or terminally ill. A wonderful example of voluntary work for your DD, and you get to meet some lovely people and gorgeous dogs. Can't recommend them highly enough.

If that all goes well, you could then even consider being a foster carer for a dog rescue charity. Basically, you look after a dog until it finds its forever home - the charity funds all vets bills, food, etc. You provide things like photographs, write ups etc of how dog is doing, about his/her character etc.

After all that, you as a family would have an excellent idea of the practicalities of what is involved in dog ownership and would be able to come to a much more reasoned decision.

Re. greyhounds - most local greyhound charities organise regular meet 'n' greets/walks/events - once your DH has met a few close up he might change his mind. They are actually elegant, graceful and muscular and amazingly cuddly, and most retired greys are a few kg heavier than their very lean racing weights anyway. Generally they make superb family pets - being laid back, affectionate and completely addictive. Come over to the pointy hounds thread for more Grab-a-grund convo.

He will probably over come his poo aversion. When we got our pup in the summer my DD (age 15 and 20) were a little poo averse but realised that you have to pick them up if you are walking them alone as it is against the law not to. They are now totally happy to pick up poo anywhere any time.

DH swore he wouldn't do poo, as did the DC. They all merrily do poo picking up, in fact DH is never without a spare poo bag in pocket and says with a grin 'never thought I would do this'!

He's not so keen on the smell of bones though so these are only given in the kitchen.

Also, big dogs do BIG poos! Our friend has a Vizsla - and that's hardly a large breed. The size of her poos are amazing to a puppy owner like me

You sound ready but a puppy is hard work, I have a very lovely and extremely placid one (submission is his middle name to both dogs and adults), very biddable but hard work nevertheless. However, I glad we did choose a puppy.

the poo size is relative to what you feed them though. lots they can't digest = lots coming out t'other end. size of dog does have an effect but honestly if you feed them raw meat / bones, the poos are tiny in comparison with kibble.

I think you need think things through with regard to your work before taking on a dog. I work p/t from home and my dogs are fantastic company, but they aren't a very good career substitute if you are really into your work or just going out to work. They will get you out and about but, deoending on your area, your interactions with other dog walkers will tend to be friendly but superficial. I love walking and training but it doesn't tax my brain.

I don't think lack of experience is a huge problem as you will have time to read up and do classes etc. But definitely take scuttle's advice about upping dog exposure to get a more realistic idea of what it is like, i.e. sometimes frustrating and tiresome as well as fun.

Your DH's attitude worries me a lot more. You are best placed to know if he will get more involved once you have a dog, but pleas don't agree to get a dog on the basis you will do everything. It is not realistic, and you will find it easier to be patient and positive if the whole family muck in. He also needs to have a mature attitude to interacting with dogs. A grown man roughhousing with a new dog is not a good idea, to put it lightly. He will also need to set a good example to your DD re not bothering the dog and respecting it's space.

My dog is the best thing that ever happened to me. You sound like a sensible person who has seriously considered all the positives and negatives of dog ownership.

Your lifestyle sounds well suited to having a dog, and you're used to having animal hair around the house! I say go for it!

But be careful - a rescue dog could come with its own issues, but you could perhaps foster one to see if it fits with your family before committing? You will also feel very rewarded to know that you have a needy dog a loving home. On the other hand, a pup can be moulded to behave well if you train it well. You will have a strong bond, and your DD might even train it to love cuddles! Get it wrong however, and you could have a nightmare on your hands!

I was lucky when my dog was a pup I had an outdoors job working with the public and was able to take him with me every day. It meant that he met lots of people, animals, bikes, children etc all at an early age, and developed into the friendliest dog, I believe in part down to this early exposure (it has also led to his mistaken belief that people were put on this earth purely to love and cuddle him, which isn't always ideal since he is a 7 stone German Shepherd and not everyone welcomes him with open arms when he goes running up to them for some love!!)

I think it's great that you are thinking so hard about this - so many people buy a cute pup without sparing any thought to the consequences. Well done OP and let us know what you decide to do!!

RE fostering, I'm currently working with this group main site, but not recently updated as most info is being posted directly onto
this facebook page

I think that you've thought long and hard about this and to me you seem very well prepared! I actually wouldn't worry about the DH/poo issue - it's exactly the same in our house and I was only allowed the dogs on the basis that I do everything for them so DH has no input (apart from if it's school hols and he's looking after the kids when I'm at work), or if there's some other reason that i'm unavailable that day. In this respect, it works. If DH had had to committ to playing a big part in their lives, then we just wouldn't have had them.

DH does love them though and will cuddle them, just not do the mundane stuff and I'm fine with this.

I think your 8 year old is old enough to learn how to play and interact with the dog appropriately. Don't know if anyone else has suggested it, but how about fostering as a first step? You can then see if DD is able to temper her behaviour with them?

Good luck!

Wow, thanks for all the replies!:)

DH's attitude is worrying me a little, I think we need to talk a bit more about this. I take your points about me being ill/whole family training etc. and he does need to be wholeheartedly on board for this to work.

We are NOT getting a large dog and no way is he going to be wrestling with it, let me assure you of that!

I like the idea of dogwalking/volunteering and i really wish you hadn't linked to that Black Retriever site DeepRedBetty because now I want to take them all home! :o (what was that I said about large dogs...?)

Not 100% certain about fostering - as I mentioned in my OP, we fostered some kittens over a long weekend at the beginning of December and DD fell in love with them - she still mopes after them now and asks when they're coming back - not sure having a dog for any length of time that then has to go to its forever home would be anything other than heartbreaking for her! Also if we can't cope with the dog in question then how easy is it for the poor animal to find another foster home? Would hate to take one in and then have to pass it back to the charity and leave them in the lurch...

I will contact the Cinnamon Trust to see if they're active in our area (thanks Scuttlebutter) and take advice on how to fill in the hole in the garden in such a way as to deter the foxes from digging it out again. And talk to DH again!

Thanks muchly oh wise ones - I will certainly update you if any doggy progress is made! :o

All sounds great OP. I didn't make it clear from my post that I went through similar with DH before we got our dogs, so I wasn't being judgy.

Just occasionally when we've had a bad day with one or both of them (e.g. puppy launching onto my face and breaking wine glass, dog chewing my expensive specs...) it's important that they are our dogs and a shared responsibility otherwise I could see some bad feeling brewing. In practice I'm around much more so do the lion's share, but couldn't bear it if he didn't sometimes take a turn doing poo patrol in the garden or giving them breakfast.

I don't think that personally I would recommend getting a dog unless everyone is committed to its care including dh. What if you're ill or tired ?

We have a cocker spaniel and got him in may last year, the last few weeks have been difficult as we've all been ill. He still needs walked and looked after. That said, we have 2 young kids as well so that makes it harder.

I wouldn't personally be happy putting a dog in kennels - my mum and dad put out Shelty in one many years ago and he was so unhappy it's put me off family look after our dog if we go away.

So you go on many days out where a dog couldn't come?

Bea, we don't tend to go for days out where a dog couldn't come - DD and I go out together a lot at weekends (this is where DH would need to be on board as he would be left with the dog) but when we're all out as a family it's very rarely for more than 2 hours max (swimming etc) and tends to be something like walking/cycling that the dog could come with us on.

I have no experience of kennels whatsoever which was why I asked :) One would hope they don't actively go out of their way to make the dogs unhappy or they'd go out of business, however I am eager to hear opinions on them. As I said, a dogsitter would be the alternative.

The alternative to kennels is home boarding - this is what we go with. Often run by dog mad people who do it more for pocket money than a hard nosed business approach.

I think with kennels it depends on the dog. I would never use them and they go to a family home, because SpicyDog would be utterly miserable in a kennels. It's quite a change from being a house pet with lots of company and attention, so even a good kennels can be distressing for some dogs.

I like the sound of mad dog people :) . We used to have a mad cat lady who came round and fed/cuddled our cats whenever we were away for about 50p a week. She was in her 60's, rode a black motorbike and had a blonde beehive like Bet Lynch. Sadly I don't think she's with us anymore :(

If you get a small dog and feed it a raw diet the poos are really not an issue.

I think you sound like you could provide a lovely home for a dog. I suggest you do some breed research because the work involved varies hugely. My first dog was a boxer puppy which with hindsight wasn't the best idea.

We settled on Shih tzus because I was totally honest with myself with regards to the amount of time I could spend walking, training and cleaning up after them. Shih tzus don't shed which matters to me as I hate getting covered in hair. We also needed a breed that could cope with small children both in terms of personality and size.

I'm not saying you should get a Shih tzu (although I think it would be perfect for your daughter). I'm saying choose carefully. There really is such a range of dogs out there. Choose the right dog and you'll never be able to imagine life without them.

I think you will be wonderful dog owners (once DH has taken on board that poo-picking is gross but non-negotiable and a big dog to wrestle is not necessarily a good idea )

I know what you mean about the retriever x rescues, I'm wibbling over Merlin, I've walked him quite a few times now and he's soooo gorgeous - and more importantly seems child-proof and (so far) very good with recall.