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The doghouse

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Original poster

I don't think I can do this anymore

36 replies

Jinglemyalanbells · 20/12/2012 20:57

Can't believe it has come to this.we have worked so hard with our rescue over the last two months but today I am broken. I am sobbing. It has been the day from hell. I think I must be the sh*test dog owner ever.
She is scared of everything, people in and outside of house, dogs, cars, walks. Ok we have been doing as much as we can. I'm a SAHM with a toddler so do training things mainly at home. She goes to pup classes ( she's only 6 months old for gods sake) but whatever has happened to her previously has made a big impact.
Today, friends came over to play with my dd1.two four year old running around, very scared so she hides in her crate. Ok, I kept telling her no when she growled and barked at them, prob. Wrong but we have tried everything else over the last few times friends have been over.
Then she actually lunged, in her crate at my friends dd. hate to think what might have happened if she was loose.
After an afternoon of constant growling and snapping in crate, my friend goes home.
All calm again and happy. Few hours later my dd starts playing with her, and yes, she was a bit close to her face, dog just lunged and snapped at her cheek, and drew blood. Apparently my dd went to stroke her. Sad
Don't know what to do, she has got worse since we ve had her not better,
Tell me I'm shit please and I don't deserve her. I shouted at her

OP posts:
Mynewmoniker · 20/12/2012 21:07

I think you have to prioritise Jingle. Your DD has to be more important as much as I loooooove dogs you have to be careful! Why did the rescue centre give you such a nervy dog with young children????

In my experience some rescue centres don't seem to figure the combinations of experience and needs before rehoming.

Give the centre a ring and report. DON'T feel guilty as it seems a mismatch from the beginning.

saintmerryweather · 20/12/2012 21:11

of course you shouted at her you were shocked and frightened! puppy classes wont deal with fear aggression, have you had a behavourist come and see her? They can give you one on one advice about whether or not you can work through the pups issues.

Can you move her crate somewhere quieter where she won't be bothered by the children running around and maybe cover it over so its nice and secure in there for her? I can imagine if she's scared of everything, having 2 kiddies thundering about near her must have been very difficult for her and she was trying to protect herself. 6 months is still just a baby really.

You also say your DD was playing with her. How was she playing, was it all a very exciting game? It would be easy for a young dog to lose control a little bit, since puppies play by wrestling and nipping happens. If however she was lying down quietly and your DD just stroked her, thats different. I do think sometimes we expect too much of our dogs. If she hasn't long been in a home environment, she may be finding it hard to adjust and she doesn't know how to behave. I also think that it sounds like the puppy was in a state of high anxiety all afternoon (an afternoon of growling and snapping in the crate as you say), could you not have put her in another room?

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 20/12/2012 21:11

Your dog sounds very fearful and stressed. I'm sure someone will be along shortly with some advice. Is your DD ok?

Floralnomad · 20/12/2012 21:11

I'm no expert but why was your child playing with the dog if you know the dog has issues, especially after the incident in the afternoon. The dog was probably really stressed about the visitors from earlier. It does sound like the dog perhaps shouldn't have been rehomed to someone with small children , could you get back in contact with the rescue and see whether they could give you some advice. In the meantime I think you need to be much more careful about interaction between the dog and your child . I hope your daughter is ok.

Cheddars · 20/12/2012 21:16

This sounds like a massive mistake on the rescue's part. Why on earth would they rehome a traumatized puppy with a 4 year old? Confused

doglover · 20/12/2012 21:18

Your dog will be much happier in a more suitable home. Make the hard decision to let her go - best in the long run. x

doglover · 20/12/2012 21:19

Obviously, I should have added - let her go to a responsible animal rescue organisation.

PartridgeInASpicyPearTree · 20/12/2012 21:20

Please speak to the rescue centre as a first port of call if you haven't already. Do they have behavioural support available? The dog clearly found being in the crate with the kids running around her extremely stressful and it can take a long time for that stress to subside, think days rather than hours so your daughter should be kept away from her. Is there somewhere quiet that you can put the crate? It sounds as if she was clearly telling you that she couldn't cope with the children today and resorted to lunging as a last resort because she couldn't get away.

Original poster
Jinglemyalanbells · 20/12/2012 21:23

Yes, when we first got her, she was a bit nervous but the rescue said she was very friendly and loved people! She did seem to love the rescue ladies and was very waggy with them.
Over the last two months, she started off being ok. The friends who visited today had been over before and although nervous initially, she came round and then was comfortable with them. Today she was like a totally different dog. Maybe they spooked her, I don't know.
She has never gone for my dd before. ( I know that's what people say all the time, then it's too late) my dd had sat beside her and said, "aww my Alandog" she wasn't excitable or loud but affectionate and lifted her hand to stroke her.
It seems an uphill struggle with her at the mo. suddenly after weeks of being ok with people, she started growling at everyone who came in the house, treats or no treats. Then she started hating going for walks and then being sick in the car, then barking at random noises around the house.
I'm really worried that we are just the wrong family for her.Hmm
Behaviourist will be called tomorrow for advice I think.
We have been doing BAT with her and clicker and she was getting better until a week ago and it's gone downhill from there really but I can't pin point anything out of the ordinary that happened.

Thank you, my dd is shaken but ok, just a scratch so it was a warning I guess. I will add though that until today, dog adored my dd, following her round everywhere.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jinglemyalanbells · 20/12/2012 21:25

We got her from a local rescue. they rescued her from overseas and they have now closed as the lady running it died.

OP posts:
Cheddars · 20/12/2012 21:26

Have you taken her to the vet? It sounds like she needs looking over to make sure she's not in pain.

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 20/12/2012 21:28

I was thinking that, Cheddars. If the change has been sudden, she could be in pain.

Mynewmoniker · 20/12/2012 21:31

I'm thinking a vet visit would be useful too. Usually medical if a sudden change in character. Keep kids away at moment though.

PartridgeInASpicyPearTree · 20/12/2012 21:42

Definitely vet check, but just wondering how much you know about fearful dog body language? I only ask because I have a fearful rescue and we and the rescue staff misinterpreted her behaviour initially. She was shut down so non-reactive, but it didn't actually mean she was okay with things (visitors etc). So the change might not be as drastic as it seems. I know you know this, but please don't tell her off for growling. It's important for your safety that she can tell you when she is uncomfortable.

highriggs · 20/12/2012 21:47

I think the warning signs were the growling and barking, very much telling you she wasn't happy and her trying to tell you in her way to remove her from the situation. She seems to have been very stressed by what was happening around her. I do very much sympathise as have much the same here with my dog and had behaviourist here today which has been a great help. Not sure if this is of any help but growling is something that shouldn't be stopped by saying no but the reason for the growling is what should be looked at

Original poster
Jinglemyalanbells · 20/12/2012 21:49

I will contact vet tomorrow, thanks I didn't think of that. We have started to recognise signs when she is uncomfortable. We try to remove her when we can but its hard as she only seems truly happy when its just us in the house. Unfortunately, our downstairs is open plan so living room, dining room and kitchen is all in one. Her crate is in a corner and covered so thought she would be ok. She also had a kong full of treats to eat but she was too worked up. I feel worse now.

OP posts:
ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 20/12/2012 21:51

Don't feel worse. It's a learning process, this having a dog lark. I've made so many cock ups I couldn't even list them. There will be a solution :)

Mynewmoniker · 20/12/2012 21:57

All dogs...as kids...are a learning curve. Don't beat yourself up. The fact that you asked for advice shows your not a bad person. [thankyou]

highriggs · 20/12/2012 21:57

Don't feel worse. There is a solution

Mynewmoniker · 20/12/2012 21:58

Oops! Thanks LOL

PartridgeInASpicyPearTree · 20/12/2012 23:00

I really struggle on these threads to get my tone right so hope I haven't made you feel worse. We adopted a fearful dog almost a year ago and trust me I know how you feel. We made some almighty cock ups but all with good intentions and I try to share what I have learnt if because I know how bloody hard it is, and shocking if you haven't ever known a nervous dog. You sound like you are doing a great job with training etc.

Even though she is much improved, SpicyDog still isn't fully relaxed when there are unknown visitors in the house for any length of time so she now has a crate upstairs in my office (box room) under the desk. There is no reason for any guest to go in there so she can have complete time out if she needs it. She was supposed to be a downstairs dog but her needs dictated otherwise! If you could possibly create a space like this for when you have guests it might help her.

Original poster
Jinglemyalanbells · 20/12/2012 23:08

Thanks all, partridge, sorry I didn't mean you guys at all, you've all been so helpful. I mean I now feel worse as you've helped me recognise her warning signs and I ignored them.
I was just telling my dh that we may need to crate upstairs for total time out if she needs it. Like you, she was supposed to be a downstairs dog, but needs must.

OP posts:
gymmummy64 · 21/12/2012 00:27

I?ve got no answers at all but just wanted to add my support. I am 3 months into a difficult rescue dog and reached an all time low point at the weekend. I got huge amounts of support on here and am pleased to see you?re getting the same. However, I think your issues are more deal breaker-ey than mine.

I too have been in absolute floods of tears over my dog - several times, which I never ever expected. There?s a lot that?s taken me by surprise, but the sheer emotion involved has definitely been the biggest surprise. It?s my relationship with the dog, the kids? relationship with the dog, the fact I know the dog adores me (and me him), the stuff I learn about him and realise what his past life must have been like, the dog?s lovely behaviour combined with behaviour which is so very far away from anything I had imagined ? all combined, it?s heartbreaking and draining and confusing and I have no experience or frame of reference for it. It?s been hard and very very emotional!

Perhaps you and me have been unlucky and the vast majority of people adopting rescue dogs don?t end up in floods of tears saying they can?t cope. I suspect that must be probably the case ? there is no way that it?s just you and me who are lacking! Where there is a dog with issues that were not understood by the rescue and an owner who simply doesn?t have the experience, then it makes no sense for us to feel even worse that we didn?t spot the signs of emerging behaviour. How on earth could we?

I second what others have said ? talk to the rescue. I assume you are contracted to return the dog to them anyway, so talk to them and see what they say. You are not a failure!

gymmummy64 · 21/12/2012 00:38

ok, sorry I see there is now no rescue to contact. Good luck with the behaviourist, let us know how you get on

AndARedwingInAPearTree · 21/12/2012 16:49

Jingle, it sounds like a very stressful day. I've only got a few mins but just wanted to check that you know puppies go through fear stages? Is it possible that your pup is having her second fear period? You can read a bit about them here.

The crate really needs to be somewhere quiet. If it can't go in a quiet place, then you need to train your DD and friends to stay away from it, so that in effect it becomes a quiet place. It's not a safe haven for pup if children are allowed to go running past. Another thing to teach is that DC shouldn't approach the pup - if they want to pet her or play with her, they should call her to them first.

There are some great resources out there on children and dogs so you should look at those. Someone started a thread with one yesterday and there are others too - I'll try and come back later and list some for you but you will find lots in different threads on here. Best of luck. I hope your DD is okay.