Petrified about IL's dog and the kids

[tak1ngchances]

My PIL's have rescued an absolutely gorgeous border collie. He's around 10 yrs old and used to belong to a family friend who died.
He is very very good and patient and gentle. however the two grand kids (my niece and nephew) are allowed to do whatever they like to him. They pull his ears, jump on him when he's asleep, follow him incessantly. It's because they love him dearly but they don't seem to realise that all dogs have boundaries. And no one has told them, ever.
He has now started growling at them when they go too far. At family gatherings I sit there waiting for it to escalate and then for an awful story to ensue of the lovely dog being pts.
I have spoken to my PIL's and to my sister and brother in law but they just shrug it off and say he's the sweetest dog ever.
What would you do?? Am I being over sensitive?

I can see why you are concerned, but as they are not your kids and as it is not your dog I'm afraid you have to bite your tounge until the dogs bites! Sorry

No you're not being in the slightest bit oversensitive! I'm not surprised the dog is growling at the children. Who on earth enjoys being jumped on and having their ears pulled when they're asleep? How old are the children? If they behave like this with another dog they will certainly get bitten. If a child attempts this kind of thing with one of our dogs they or their parents are likely to get snapped at by me!! It is very important to teach children to be safe around any dog, as all dogs have teeth. Are you able to speak to your niece and nephew? Is your husband any help in the matter? Some dogs are certainly more tolerant than others, but children do need to learn to respect any animal and to be told when enough is enough.

It sounds like an accident waiting to happen. Can you explain nicely to the children that they should be kind to the dog, and so on? I couldn't just sit there and not say something. He sounds like a lovely dog that is being very patient but the children need to learn to treat him with respect.

I disagree entirely. I think it's worth repeatedly pointing out that the children need to learn how to approach dogs properly. It is animal abuse. I have bollocked my dn before about her treatment of my own dog and another family members dog. My sil sulked as she said the dog was s sappy old thing and i was being over cautious, and a shit I did not give.

This is why children get bit from dogs.

Please put a stop to it before the poor dog snaps and is blamed/put down for its actions

I bet the poor thing is at the end of its tether with them.

How old are the children?

Sorry it's one of the reasons dogs bite, bad choice of words there

The kids are 5 and 8 - definitely old enough to understand.
I want to tell them some "rules" like these but I think I need to talk to the parents first. They are the sort of parents who don't take kindly to other people interfering.

Can you offer to take the dog out whilst you are there? Can you ask them to shut the dog in another room so it gets some peace?

It horrifies me how some people let their dc treat animals

Sorry rubbish link here's a better one: link

That's a good link. I think that when a child is in danger it is not rude to interfere. Poor dog. Poor kids. What would you hope that someone would do if you were in your sister's shoes? It's always harder with family I find, especially when you really feel like bollocking one of them (for good reason).

I would want someone to intervene if they thought my child was in danger. Every time. But then I don't think the sun shines out of my arse (separate thread)

I think you are right to interfere.

The children are teaching the dog that small humans are unpredictable, and potentially threatening and will not respect his boundaries even if he growls - this isn't just dangerous for them and (and therefore, logically, him), but for any other child he might encounter.

(And if he does eventually get to the end of his tether, queue comments of "He was such a lovely dog, it came out of nowhere! he is usually so patient with children...")

I had a lovely collie years ago that my brother allowed his DS to torment (unknown to me). Dog had never been 'bad' was wonderful and loving and played quite happily with the kids on our street.

My parents had looked after dog when I was on hols. When I got back I was told (by idiot brother) that DDog was a 'devil dog' shouldnt be arou d kids and should be PTS.

In the space of only 2 weeks dog had become nervous and growly around children. Turned out that DNephew had been hurting her, taking her toys, teasing her etc.

It took ages to sort her out. We managed to quell her fear of other children, but never of DNephew - I'm convinced collies have the longest memories of any dog! Ended up that I was told I could never bring DDog to my parents again, which spoiled our relationship. DNephew also ended up fearful of all dogs, and still is as an adult.

I really do think you should say something before this poor dog is ruined

I don't think I'd be able to keep quiet, normally I wouldn't dream of interfering in someone else's parenting however much I might disagree with their style (partly because I don't know much about parenting, though I do know something about dogs!) but this is a potentially dangerous situation for both children and dog.

I would probably tell the children directly if going through the parents doesn't get you anywhere , tell them 'no, you mustn't do that' and explain why.

I don't have DC and am normally extremely reluctant to intervene in any family parenting/behavioural issue except when it come to the treatment of dogs/other animals.

It is the only issue that both DH and I are strict over with our DNs - since the boys have been tiny, they have been given firm, clear and consistent instructions/guidance about how to behave around our dogs. Now they are growing up, all three have turned into sensible, lovely boys who are all very good with dogs and other animals, but I don't hesitate to remind if they get a bit over excited say. We've taken this approach both for the welfare of our dogs and for the children and honestly, I couldn't give a stuff if either our BIL/SIL or their grandparents got the hump. Fortunately both are sensible and have been supportive.

My views on the boys' table manners etc is a totally different matter but on that I keep it zipped.

I truly believe you must intervene in this issue. Politely but firmly, tell (don't ask) the DC to stop harassing the dog. Give a brief explanation if necessary. Also, can you get children involved in doing something positive with dog? For instance, we regularly take our DNs to local charity dog shows - the boys love these, and they have become very accustomed to entering things like Best Child Handler classes, where they see other children interacting nicely with dogs, and get to come home with a rosette.

If grandparents or parents don't like you doing this, again firmly but politely reinforce that you willl keep doing so because you care about the safety of the children. I think this is one of those occasions where the adoption of the "broken record" technique will work.

Good luck.

If you see it happen again then you MUST step in and say something to the children and their parents. What morons!

You cannot sit back and say nothing, that lovely dog may end up in a situation where it ends up being put to sleep through no real fault of its own.

You have a line...The safety of the children. In fact, the safety of any child. Our dogs are not bad with children unless they are provoked. I have stepped in with my SIL because I have felt that the children are in danger. Different story.

Even if he is the nicest dog in the world, if wound up of course any dog can bite.
They are not your children but you obviously care deeply about their safety.
I would have a polite word with the ILs about not leaving the children alone with the dog (which all dogowners should follow) and tell them the kids need to be told to respect the dog and his boundaries ie:they must pull him about or jump on him and must treat him kindly.

It is also unfair on the dog, especially with him being 10yo, bless him in dog years he'd be 70yo and no wonder he has started to growl if his ears get pulled-we wouldn't like it would we.

Your ILs need to realise a dog can be a powerful creature if in the wrong hands/or teased. I would also hate to think of the children getting hurt due to the ILs stupidity.

'Musn't' not must-stupid phone!

Why do you need to hold your tongue.
You are an adult, step up to the mark