How long did it take you to feel normal/ok again after your dog was pts?

[Principality]

Our dog was pts on Monday.

Here is a thread with some background for anyone interested: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/the_doghouse/1535946-Hve-you-ever-had-to-PTS-when-it-wasnt-a-clear-cut-decision#add_message

He had a complete u turn on the new drugs, and was happy, playful and full of fun after a few days of starting them. I was over the moon. He wanted to play with our other dog and was really happy. His quality of life was now clearly good.

However, it all came crashing down last Wednesday when he had another "episode" and he could suddenly barely get up. As he was no better by Thursday morning, the vet and her team came to take him into hospital (i could not move him) and started him on 24 hours of hardcore strong opiate painkillers on the basis that if he was going to improve at all he would have picked up by then. He did, he rallied and was deemed stable enough to come home on Saturday morning, so long as he was separated from our other dog and confined to one room, toilet on the lead etc.

By Saturday evening he had done it again, altho not as bad. But he had only been sat in the living room watching tv. However, this time he did not improve with painkillers or time.

On Monday we made the agonising decision to have him PTS at home.

I just can't believe he has gone.

I do not know what to do with myself. I feel so lost. And vulnerable without him here. My husband works late a lot and I'm always alone at home, I never used to mind because I always knew he would protect us. I am so lonely without him (despite DC and Ddog2). I am not sleeping properly and keep bursting into tears all the time.

I worry that I should have done something else. I just can't believe i won't ever have a cuddle again. I keep replaying everything over again. Everything over the last four and a half years has involved him. He was such a huge part of my life.

My DS1 is distraught as they were very close. I find it so hard to comfort him too. But he is very comforted by the feeling that he visits him in his dreams. He seems to be having very distinct, detailed and vivid dreams about what he is getting up to now in heaven and i think takes great comfort that he is "talking to him". But i don't feel him anywhere with me, and I so thought I would. Not at home, or when I am alone in our favourite walks. I just feel so alone.

Having gone back to school this week I am avoiding other mums because if anyone asks how are you, I just burst into tears.

How long did it take you to start feeling ok again? Just so you could get thru the day without crying all over surprised and startled strangers?

As with any grief/mourning, there is no single answer and no prescribed time.

We've lost two dogs this year, so I know how hard it is. In your case, it has been made even more difficult by the fact that your dear dog had a complex and difficult last illness requiring you to to have to invest very heavily in difficult decisions.

All the reactions you've described in your post are entirely normal and consistent with the loss you've experienced. Time does help, but I find that grief comes in waves - sometimes very deep, sometimes less so. Different things can trigger it - things like written reminders on the calendar for boosters, coming across photos, remembering certain occasions. Sometimes it's hard when I see people for the first time who don't know - we were at a dog show last week and someone who I hadn't seen for a while asked and I nearly burst into tears.

What I would say is that although I often cry, and miss them terribly, I can only describe it as a good grief, in that it is rooted in the very great love and happiness we shared, and when I look back, I feel very blessed.

I can also say that I still think about and remember with great love, dogs that have been dead for many years, in the same way that I think about and remember friends and family members who have passed away. Dealing with the inevitability and permanence of mortality is the hardest part of life, without doubt. I think each of us finds the emotional scaffolding to cope with it in our own way - for me, it's rooted in the fact that we loved deeply and unconditionally and that love has not ceased just because of a physical separation.

One of the many unsung glories of late middle age is that I no longer give much of a stuff what anyone thinks and am quite relaxed about having a little weep if that's what it takes. Most people don't notice anyway as they are too busy with their own stuff, and even those that do, will mostly understand.

I am very sorry for your loss.

Principality, I too am so very sorry for your loss

Scuttlebutter has put it so well, we lost our boy nearly two weeks ago and i am still upset and missing him...

But, little Scuttlebutter says, it comes in waves and i am feeling a lot calmer, i still don't like to talk about it and when i meet people who ask how the dogs are (we have another dog too) i can feel myself welling up ...

I am also finding myself feeling quite angry about it all, we lost our boy in a 'hit and run' road accident and it was so unneccesary so that's contributing to my anger i think.

But i am finding more peaceful moments, am surprised how quickly actually, and we are able to talk about our boy and laugh about the things he did which is very healing ...

My DS also started a new school this week and he has been weepy and unsettled and of course missing our dog so much, a lot of changes in a very short space of time.

Time, that is all we have, time to heal and remember how loved our dogs were, how much a part of our family and how we will never forget them. And accepting that has allowed us to grieve as we need, everyone is different.

But we are all the same in our love for our dogs and that is comforting

Be kind to yourself , my thoughts are with you

Oh you poor old thing, I'm so sorry to hear this. I replied to your original thread as I had to put to sleep our old dog, despite him having could have gone on for a bit longer.
The kids were very against putting him down and my husband was very 'well, it's your decision', so I did feel very unsupported.
Once I had done it though, I realised it had been the right thing and although I have many moments of sadness and missing him, I have no regrets and don't feel guilty, mainly relief that he is finally out of what was obviously not inconsiderable pain.
People have asked after him a few times and I have had tears in my eyes, but people seem to understand.
Could you ring for a chat with your vet or nurse, just to go over things? Most staff I have worked with will be happy to talk to you a bit about these things to reassure you you did the right thing.
Or you can ring the The Blue Cros Pet Bereavement Support Service. I haven't used them but a few of my clients have, and they have found them helpful.

Very very sorry. Time DOES heal but it takes a while - weeks before you can start talking to people without crying. But everyone's different. Hope you can think about the happy times and smile. x

We had to have our boy PTS in February after failed surgery for a twisted gut. It was very traumatic and touch and go for a week. To be honest we all cried for a good couple of weeks every day. (I'm tearing up now). We still miss him so much, but we can look back fondly and remember him at his best.
The heavy heart hangs around for a while, but lifts eventually.

Take care

I'm so sorry :(

Our dog was pts in Jan 2011 and I honestly can't remember how long it took to feel 'ok' again. I know I was still having a little cry most days a month later and still have my moments now (normally when I find the box with her ashes in).

Be gentle on yourself. It's a horrible thing to have to do. It will start to feel better, but it will take a while.

Thank you all so much.

Still having a lot of tears. It's been a week today, but it feels so much longer.

Ddog2 is really playing up. Started stealing things from the kitchen surfaces and recall has had a lapse.

I'm trying to act normally. I haven't told any aquaintances, esp on school runs, the usual "how was your summer" conversations. Just can't face it, but then feel like i'm cheating him when i give the standard "fine".

Some close friends came over at the weekend and were trying to be comforting. Altho I wanted to shout at some of them for being so bloody insensitive...Three separate people have now said "So sorry to hear about DDog, he was such a lovely dog.... do you think you will get another?".... Is it me or WTF???? It's not like he was a chuffing car that can easily be replaced for another! Sadly we had a friend whose spouse died recently, no one would have (rightly) dreamed of asking her if she thought she would remarry. I could understand it in a few months, but it had been less than a week. Of course I didn't shout tho... I just cried and said no.

It's been a week of firsts. I think that is hard too, when you realise this is the first time DH is out and I'm alone in the house with DC and DDog 2 who would run away as fast as she could from any intruder! The first weekend without him. You think this time last week he was snuggled up on my feet.

I have to take DDog 2 to the vet this month for her jabs. That will be hard too.

Tahnk you for kind words. Especially this "we loved deeply and unconditionally and that love has not ceased just because of a physical separation." I found that really touching, and very comforting and have been repeating it to myself a lot this week!

I lost my girl a year ago today.

Still miss her very much, despite having ol' boy and new pup here with us.

She was such a big part of our lives, she was with us before we had the DCs and went through so much with us, I can't believe it's been a year. She has left a huge gap in the family, despite the new addition. Our ol' boy misses her desperately, I think, and has been amazing with pup, but it's not the same.

She's the pic on my laptop, she was so beautiful, and such a good girl. I also have a bic pic I blew up of her on the wall, so we still see her everyday. And, (I am going to sound a bit odd here) she is buried in our back garden, and every night, I only half close our bedroom curtains, and then when we go to bed I say "goodnight, love you" to her, as I close the curtain. It's almost like I can't make that final break, as though whether having a curtain closed makes a difference.... I just feel that she will always be a part of the family, and I don't want to 'shut her out'. Silly, I know.

It is very hard, and I can remember that first week, I was in absolute bits. Couldn't even come here to post about losing her for about a month, I think.

Give yourself time, that's all you can do.

Huge ((((HUGS)))) to you.

Sorry, should read big pic.....

She's the pic on my laptop, she was so beautiful, and such a good girl. I also have a bic pic I blew up of her on the wall, so we still see her everyday. And, (I am going to sound a bit odd here) she is buried in our back garden, and every night, I only half close our bedroom curtains, and then when we go to bed I say "goodnight, love you" to her, as I close the curtain. It's almost like I can't make that final break, as though whether having a curtain closed makes a difference.... I just feel that she will always be a part of the family, and I don't want to 'shut her out'. Silly, I know.

I do this too.... and i made sure the grave was decorated with bright white pebbles so I could still see him from our bedroom window at night...

(((HUG)))