My dog used to be a real dog, while his dog was some sort of spoilt, worshipped, cat type thing. Now my dog is ruined
When we first brought Devil Dog home he preferred to sleep under a table in the corner of the room, out of the way of all the people. We let him settle in.
Eventually he came out and would sleep on the rug in the middle of the room, but will still disappear under his table if anyone got up. This was a breakthrough.
After a while he stopped moving under the table.
A few months after we got him he came and sat on the sofa while we were sat on it. Not near us or touching us, but on the same sofa.
Little improvements continued until a couple of months ago he curled up on my lap and went to sleep 
I was vair happy.
Last night he sort of sat half on me half on the arm of the sofa. I hadn't a clue what he was doing. He shuffled further down, and then further down again, and then further down again, until he was on his back, paws akimbo rested in my arms like a newborn baby. I looked at DH like 
this. He looked at me and grinned and then said in an annoying fake baby voice "Is Scruffy Wuffy being a baby waby? Yes he is. He's being a good baby waby. Rub the baby waby's tummy. Good baby waby" at which point the dog, my dog, who has previously always been a dog shuffled with content, let out a sigh and fell asleep in my arms like a fecking baby 
He's turned my dog into a stinkier, scruffier version of his precious poppy woppy the baby waby and it's not on No wonder he's been so fecking boring lately, he's turning into Whippy 
There is only one thing for it, I am going to have to relinquish the Devil Dog to him and set off to the pound in search of a Rottweiler. Dh is scared of Rottweilers. Rottweilers cannot fit into your arms like a 'baby waby' 