Pros and cons of getting a puppy...

[ginghamfish]

I am a SAHM with 3 children, 2 at school and one who is nearly 2. My husband works Mon to Fri. I am desperate for a puppy, absolutely bonkers desperate for one. My husband says the following:

He doesn't want the responsibility (I have explained I will take on all responsibility)

He doesn't want a smelly house (I know dog owners who dont' have smelly houses!)

He says it will tie us down (we have 3 kids and are not and never have been spontaneous weekend away people and to be frank I feel tied down as it is)

He says the house will be ruined (I will train the puppy, buy a dog cage, try to do my best).

He doesn't want dog poo all over the garden (As above, I have told him I will clear it up)

He thinks it would upset the cat (I think people do sometimes have cats and dogs and cats and cats and dogs and dogs, we wouldn't be the first and the cat would have to get used to it).

Please help! I am desperately lonely during the week, my youngest is starting Playschool in September, I want to be out the house and off the computer and getting fresh air with a four legged friend. He is just not budging on the No. What can I do?

Help!

right to your husbands points frfom my experience (which I wouldnt change for the worls) my dh didnt want a dog but is now as passionate a dog owner as me and in fact dog 2 was mainly his driving.

Responsibility, there is a lot, if you are saying you will take it all on that means you could never go away for the weekend and leave dh, he has to agree to some if you want a dog in your shared home.

Smelly house, my house doesnt smell, however I have yankee candles on the go all the time, the windows open all the time and the dogs get bathed if they start to get whiffy, some dogs breeds are smellier than other, my spaniel is a stink bomb.

Tieing you down, it really does, more than yoou can imagaine. we nearly cancelled our family holiday this year as I didnt want to leave the dogs, we cant go to places for the weekend, a few weeks ago we had a late night party and managed to get babysitters, had to get some one to check in on dogs, come home after 4 hours and stay up for an hour with them rather than falling into bed.

The house will be ruined, no it wont, but you have to do a lot of training to ensure this, and stuff will get ruined, like my brand new £60 shoes, and my 20 year old biker boots which are ireplacable and the kitchen cupboard and the skirting boards etc, you get the picture, however we dont mind because we love the dogs more tha anything.

Poo all over hte garden is ridiculous, unless you are a scruff, you pick up poo as the dog doees it, twice a day when they are older, who would want their garden covered in poo.

Cats, they can live together fine, mine have however left hme and now reside next door to be returned most evenings, but that is more down to nutty neighbour than the cats, whiole other story.

What I would say is you really do need him on board for a puppy, they are fantastic, love my dogs to death and they are my company when the kids are at school, they keep me kit, and stop me getting depression (infact got me over depression thats why we got dog 1) but there will be times when you wonder what you have done and if dh is against you this is when poor puppy is likely to end up being a problem. Would your dh consider an older dog? what breeds are you thinking off? this can make a huge difference to everything.

Hi, thank you so much for your message. I'm thinking about a Cockerpoo. I am really down and depressed and lonely and really feel it would make me happy and get me out the house. At the minute it's just looking after the kids, housework and internet and I hate spending so much time on the internet. I think what hurts the most is that he knows how unhappy I am and how happy a dog would make me but is just adamant that it is a no. I would consider an older dog, yes, as long as good with children.

I considered a cockerpoo and I wish I could find you the thread from then it was awful, took the lovely experts on here 5 mins to identify and prove to me that it was a puppy farm I thought it was a ffantastic breeder. Wuld you consider aa cocker, My Eric (pic on profile) is a working cocker and the loveliest dog ever , he is clever and obediant, he needs a,lot of excercise but I think a show cocker would need a bit less. He can be a bog monster but just towel him down when we got in and bath him quite regularly, brush him with a furminator and he doesnt malt much. or a poodle, they dont malt, very clever both breeds really cute.

Hi, yes I'd like a poodle, I'm looking at some of them now on another browsing window (not that I'm puppy obsessed or anything!).

A friend sent me this link and there is the cutest video ever of pups wagging their tails. Get your puppy fix

here

I wuld love a puppy but am really not sure either.

have you thought about a rescue dog, slightly older (ours is about 2 but some are younger), less chewing, usually house trained and the rescue centre can really tell you what would suit your family. Although I know lots wouldn't rehome to a home with children under 5 but some will.

Our rescue has been great so far, DH was very unsure, think having trained the rescue so well he may let us get a puppy in a year or so (at least that is my plan)

My DH made all the same points as yours but was happier with the idea of an older dog as some of the nasty puppy bits were removed from the equation.

We have a lovely labXcollie and he is mad, great with the DCs and herds them all up when they bomb blast on the field so makes my life easier, even found the one that had run off and hidden in the forest the other day

Our pup is mental and hard work. She's decided that chewing Walls is the best thing ever.

She's playful, loves walks and loves cuddles. She's bright, loves training and loves our older dog. She's an absolute sweetie who is so incredibly positive and happy about everything just like our older dog.

Yes they are hard work, but similar to children. They will destroy things but you can limit the destruction but keeping a very close eye on things and dealing with it. They do smell, some breeds moult dreadfully, they roll in poo. And puppies grow up, they need care when they are old and I think this is something you need to think about more than having a cute playful puppy!

The thing is, if your DH doesn't want a dog, he doesn't want a dog, and even if you answer all those questions, he'll only come up with ten more, and it'll turn into a constant bicker. Is there a rescue near you that you could volunteer at a few days a week, to walk the dogs, and interact with them? It might be that if he sees you're serious about the responsibility, he'd be more inclined to meet you halfway, and you'd be able to give him some concrete answers to his doubts.

(Or you might find, like other people's kids, it's great to be able to walk the dogs and then give them back and return to your hair-free, stinky-towel-free home!)

I've had dogs all of my life, a condition of our relationship was that we'd have dogs. Dh didn't want a basset puppy, pup is now 18months and is dh's 'boy' only the new baby has stopped the 'manly' cuddling on the settee. It was difficult doing it by myself when another person who could, but wouldn't, help was in the house. I'd always raised puppies as a family affair.
If you have depression I'd maybe suggest a 6 month old, that way you shouldn't feel so overwhelmed. There's a kennel local to me that breeds working line labs, they train them up and sell them when they're 9 months, still puppyish, lovely, beautiful characters and not overbred as they are working types.

If your DH doesn't want a dog, then no matter how much you may dislike this view, it has to be respected. Also, no reputable breeder or rescue will rehome when an adult in the house is not committed. It is simply not fair on the dog, and is instantly getting the situation off to a bad start. Statistically, you are more likely to relinquish the dog at a later stage as well.

However, all is not lost. Personally, I would tackle this step by step, and there is also a lot you can do to get a doggy fix in the mean time. There is nothing stopping you from contacting some local rescues - most are desperate for dog walkers/volunteers. Start with this, and take DH along to some events. Our local all breed rescue has regular "cake and pup" sessions where potential adopters can get together with foster dogs (including puppies) and have a bit of home made cake. Most rescues also have events such as charity dog shows, quizzes, regular walks etc. You could attend or help out with these - a great way of getting out of the house, meeting a lovely bunch of people and an adorable selection of woofs. Also great activities for DC too.

Another alternative is to walk for the Cinnamon trust - a wonderful charity that helps owners who are ill or v elderly by walking their pets - always desperate for volunteers. Not only will you meet some beautiful dogs, I promise you will be helping a person in need of support - it really is worthwhile and is a fantastic model for your DC.

If this goes well, you could look at fostering. One of our local all breed rescues (Hope Rescue) currently has adorable pups on foster - in fact all ages and sizes of dog need foster care. The beauty of fostering is that you can enjoy all the wonderful benefits of having dog in the house, but not as a permanent resident, and charity will pay for dog's food and vet bills. Again, tremendously rewarding when you see dog going to forever home, and a wonderful example to DC. Family foster homes are particularly sought after since it's important to be able to show that dogs for adoption are used to DC. Because this isn't permanent, is much less stressful for DH and a good opportunity for him to see what living with a dog is actually like.

If he is still adamant, then that has to be respected. But it may be that his fears have been overcome after experiencing the reality.

Lastly, getting a dog of any age is not recommended as a cure for depression. If you are depressed, please, please go and see your GP - there's lots that they can do to help. Again, not fair on pup though to be loading them with that expectation. A new pup could be a very stressful responsibility at a time when you are feeling vulnerable. My own experience of depression was that I could barely get out of bed and get dressed without a huge amount of effort - the thought of a pup would have been horrific.

Good luck!

I borrowed a dog for school hours, from someone who wanted their puppy aged dog (4 months) to have a bit more companionship whilst they were out.

It was an eye-opener, and I can say hand on heart, I was always glad to hand the dog back at 3.00pm.

This arrangement is still working well 2 days a week (dog is now 7 months), and I am getting all the doggy love/beautiful walks I ever wanted - also I am acutely aware of dog issues!

Previous to this I was desperate for a family dog, but this has been an excellent compromise/introduction, and I think I will hold off until a) kids older, b) all other sources of stress are removed!!!

So second what Scuttlebutter says.

Also it has been a wonderful way to meet other doglovers, talk about breeds, and just socialise.

We got a 9 week old puppy who was born to a pregnant stray at our local shelter. At the time I had a 15mo DS. Looking back, I can understand why people thought we were a bit nuts. However, DH was on board, and I definitely could not have done it all on my own. The first year was very hard, and the doggie adolescence hasn't been a picnic either, but at nearly 2, we have a great family dog that my DS adores, and I'm confident our dog will do well with the new baby on the way.

If I were going to do it again, I'd look a bit harder for an older dog. That puppy time can be lovely, but it is SO hard, and the payoffs don't come for a while. That was particularly hard for DH, who'd never had a dog before.

We have a 5 month old cockapoo, she's lovely and not from a puppy farm, we were very careful. Here might be a good place to look
www.cockapooclubgb.co.uk/ccgb-approved-breeders.html

She doesn't shed and her coat doesn't smell, its more like people hair. She hasn't ruined anything in the house (shes got a pen in the family room) and the house training was just about cracked from 12 weeks. She poos twice a day and will hold it till we're out a walk. She's happy to be out in the park with us for hours and on rainy days she does fine on two very short 20 minute walks. She's responded very well to clicker traing and an does all the basics and some tricks. We're lucky to have parents who are dying to take her so she isn't tying and shes slept all night since we got her.
She's part of the family now, my very serious 4 year old has never giggled so much and my 3 year old loves to boss her about.

In saying all that my hubby isn't her biggest fan, he doesn't have much patience with her and expects her to behave wonderfully all of the time (he's a bit like that with the kids too right enough).
So I take just about full responsibility for her and it can be hard work.

I find the walking enjoyable and a real escape mostly but juggling a 3 year old that doesn't want to go a walk and a 4 year old who refuses to go any walk without his bike and a puppy that your trying to train loose lead walking to is challenging. I used to switch off at 7 when the kids were in bed but now I need to take cocoa a walk and usually do some training after that. She needs company too so I would feel bad about disappearing off to bed early (we put her to bed about 9.30 and she's not allowed upstairs).

I love her to bits and wouldn't be without her but it is a change in lifestyle that you need to be sure you're ready for. My friend was broody for a pup so just looked after another friends lab pup they were on hols and as now changed her mind. Could you look after a friends pup as a trial?

Be aware that no matter how much effort you put into training, cleaning, taking responsibility etc there will be a day when your dog will do something dreadful that your DH will not be happy about. This can be a real source of tension in a marriage. My DH likes but does not love our dog and does get angry when she breaks/chews things and will then snap at me about it.
You may be ill or have an ill DC - if you have excused your DH from any dog work at all you could be in a really difficult position.
You sound a bit depressed - do you mind me asking if you have talked to a GP about how you feel?
Good luck with your decision.

Have you considered getting a toy breed? My DH was against getting a puupy chihuahua originally, but now he loves her more than us! Our chihuahua is now 7 months and is the most wonderful dog in the world, we love her to bits. She is very cuddly, loves to be around the family and is really easy to train.
She does not shed much hair as she is a short coat type and does not smell at all! She is more than happy to go for long walks in the forest as well as to stay at home and not be walked at all. We take her out for a walk once or twice a week max. She goes out in the garden most of the time.
Good luck with your decision, I hope you manage to persuade your DH.
My DD is an only child and the other day said to me that the best thing we did for her so far was getting her this dog!