Deciding when you're ready for another dog after a sad loss?

[ViviPru]

First, thank you to everyone on here who offered kind words when we recently lost our beloved basset hound unexpectedly.

We've outwardly and inwardly grieved, still are, and are lucky to have some wonderfully supportive friends and family who are helping us through. After her ashes were retuned to us and we said a final goodbye, we decided to book a last minute break away to be kind to ourselves and take some time to clear our heads. Its been getting on for 4 weeks since she died and we feel like we're working through it in the healthiest way possible.

We could never replace our wonderful hound but our home, schedule and lifestyle is so geared toward dog ownership that I can't help my thoughts turning to the idea of another dog, we've loosely thought that we might start taking tentative steps in a couple of months and will most definitely have another dog within a year, but I'm keen to make a sensible, measured decision about this.

I know its a deeply personal decision and one only we can make ourselves, but I'm curious to gauge your thoughts on when was the right time for you in this situation? Are there positives/negatives I might not have considered wrt waiting a lesser/greater time?

I guess I just want to have a chat with you all about it as you will have no agenda to your advice in the way that my friends and family might.

Thank you :)

From experience for me it was when I stopped thinking ahout the dog all the time, stopping to 'say hello' to every dog I saw and was passed all the 'anniversaries' once e.g. the day we got him etc.

However I had thought waiting would mean that I would get another which would be different, but I ended up choosing another boy and the same breed and colouring anyway. I don't spend my time comparing their tempraments so choosing the same breed can work. So that has turned out ok.
Good luck with your decision, and I hope you find the right dog for you. As with children, no dog is a replacement for one lost, they are all individuals :-)

I think it depends - when we lost VerySmallDog we got another dog within a fortnight - it wasn't intentional, we contacted our local rescue (who we already have links with) to say that if in a few months a suitable dog came in would they consider us.
Ten days later they phoned to say they ahd a desparate case with a very traumatised dog who needed an experienced home so we ended up with a new dog much sooner than we planned.
FOr the first few months I wondered if we had made a mistake - he was very very hard work, compared to VerySmallDog who was a very easy pet but I don't regret it for a moment and now he is a lovley, much loved pet.

VerySmallDog was very old, so we were prepared for his death - however, when VeryBigDog died suddenly last year we didn't get another big dog (we always have a big and small dog) for 4 months. I thnk we were so shocked by her death and also I was irrationally angry (it seemed so unfair as she was only 4) that I couldn't bear the thought of another dog.

Thank you both, that's really helpful to have your perspectives.

Pr1mr0se we're also questioning whether same breed/sex/colouring would work, we're torn as she was so perfect for us but like you worried about comparisons etc... also that throws up the puppy/older rescue debate that we're currently working through.

PantryBoy Our experience sounds similar to yours with VeryBigDog, PruDog was only 5 and her passing felt so shocking and untimely. Although I want to look to the future, I'm keen not to rush in and do the wrong thing...

At the moment, we're taking the tack that it will take time to decide what/how/where, and trying to stay openminded.

ViviPru - I'm so sorry about PruDog. I have to say we have had lots of dogs and VeryBigDog was the first one we lost at a young age and it did affect us differently.

We were offered a dog a few weeks after and we just couldn't do it. Four months later we felt slightly more ready (and there was definatley a BigDog shaped hole in our lives) and BigDog (the same dog we were offered) was still available. BigDog, is an absolute delight and we love her dearly.

I'm sure you will make the right decision for you, and you sound like lovely dog owners

Thanks, that really helps :)

I was once told that your next dog is a compliment to your last dog and I find that a rather good way to look at it. We have never had a huge gap through random chance or design and our biggest dog free gap was horrid.

I know one of mine is on the way out now and I won't leave a big gap. For me, and it is personal as you say, it isn't a replacement...couldn 't be, it is a compliment and an acknowledgement that we like having a dog bundle in the house.

I know a few owners who never felt ready even after a big gap but got another and felt all wrong with it at first, they adore their little dogs now and can barely remember feeling like that. I think the bond takes a good while to come depending on the dog and how quickly you gel with each other.

Oh Viv love, I didn't know , I lost darling dragon dog suddenly when out walking her on the 9 th may , she was 10, but it came from nowhere.

Due to a odd quirk in circumstance we were put onto a lady with Labradors needing experienced owners. We had HullyGully puppy 5 days later. I didn't think I was ready but she needed us and it turned out I needed her. I'm still hurting as a lost my best friend, but she fills dog shaped gap.

HullygullyPuppy is the same breed and colouring as dragon dog. I was terribly worried people would judge us but every dog owner I know has been very positive about our decision.

She turned out to be the right dog. If we'd waited for a supposed right time, we may not have got the dog we needed.

I'm so sorry for your loss x

Vivi, sounds like you are being very sensible and not rushing.

Have you considered being a foster home, perhaps for breed rescue if you have a particular expertise with one particular breed such as bassets? This might give you a chance to gently readjust to having a dog around, but because it's a foster you won't be having it permanently and if it's too painful, you can decline future foster placements. If you've built up expertise in a particular breed it seems such a shame for that not to be used.

Sorry for your loss and good luck with future dog choices.

When my old dog died suddenly 14 years ago this August, I got another puppy just a few weeks later, i really felt the need to fill the space somehow, and i also was so heartbroken that I thought if I didn't do it quickly I would lose my nerve and would never have another. That puppy died at Easter and I want to wait a bit this time. My dds really want to get a puppy but i feel a bit raw and sad and don't want to think about choosing another dog yet. I don't know why there isn't the urgency this time, maybe because I have children now, and ailing parents and its been quite a stressful year-I want to be sure I can give a new dog enough proper attention. I think you will feel when the time is right for you, or a dog will find you!

HoneyDragon, I know exactly what you mean about feeling that people would judge you. I worried that getting a new dog so soon would mean people wouldn't understand how much we had loved VerySmallDog - he was my beloved companion for nearly 17 years - my lovely aunt said (like havingabath did upthread) that getting another dog (not a replacement) showed how much we had loved him

Pantryboy, silly isn't it, as it's nothing to do with others. It was my dh who pushed the decision, he said I looked like I was missing something. He was so used to seeing me with the dog, he couldn't stand it.

We collected Dragon Dogs ashes the same day Hullypup got her jabs.

Yes, Scuttie we've thought about fostering and certainly not ruled it out. As you say, we've become quite adapted to bassets, ahem characteristics and it would be a shame to let that go to waste. I may contact the welfare society in time.

I like that idea HavingaBath about a new dog being a complement to the last one, that's a really positive angle.

I think we will be open to circumstance Honey like you with HullyGully puppy. I suspect that as helly suggests, the dog may find us, as PruDog did.

Re: the judginess concerns, I'm most worried about judging myself, but contributions to this thread have helped me come to terms with that, so thank you :)

I echo having a bath & the sentiment of it being the ultimate compliment to your dearly loved dog.

We had fancydog1 till he was 16, a fine age. My dad wold not entertain another dog for a good year but my mum suggested that line of thought to him and they got fancydog2.

She was tragically hit by a car last year an we were all devastated. She was very very loved by us all and was the sweetest natured - but still a bit cheeky! - lady you could imagine.

We got fancydog3 only about 3 months later. She came earlier than we first imagined because the breeder had puppies but also because my parents lives -like yours - was geared to having dog.

It's not been without it's difficulties - we'd all forgotten how much work puppies are and I'll be honest, she wasn't fancydog2 & had huge paws to fill.

But we are all much more bonded with her now &, after 10months, love her for who she is.

Thanks, ifancyashandy

I was idly browsing the blue cross website after a link came up on Facebook and there's a new arrival that could be PruDog's sister - it really is quite uncanny, particular since she had quite distinctive markings.

DP and I can't decide if it would be the worst possible or the best possible thing to do. My original thoughts were I would never actively seek a dog so similar, but having stumbled across one, and reading experiences on this thread, I'm wondering if it mightn't be such a terrible idea?

Well I am a bit fatalistic about that sort of thing- maybe she is the dog for you? You never replace a pet anyway, just make a new friendship, so however similar she looks she will be very different. I have had two the same breed, they looked similar obviously, but they were different temperments with the same wirey terrier outlook.

Thanks for replying, helly, that really helps.

I'm no woo-ist but I'm also a bit fatalistic when it comes to this kind of thing too. I wasn't actively looking, I just idly followed the blue cross link and there she was.

I guess I'm more worried about the dog herself - I wouldn't want to do the wrong thing by her. She would have the awsomest life here with us though...

Vivi, sometimes things are meant to be...

SmallDog, who came after VerySmallDog is the same breed but they are competely different characters.
In fact, the first few weeks with SMallDog were a shock to the system because he was so very different. Part of it was due to the horrible circumstances he had been bought up in, but lots of it was his character and temprerment

BigDog, who came after VeryBigDog is a similar breed type - both mastiffs but different types and I can see lots of similarities between them.

Viv
I'm not woo either, but Hully turned up and already she's fit into our life, I too dreaded letting her done, but once home, I knew I couldn't. Just as I knew with her other predessors. She's sat quietly next to me now as I type. possibly still seeking forgiveness for the massive hole she's chewed in MY chair.

If you feel like visiting her than do, you'll know, you really will, if she's right.

I didn't want SmallDog when we saw him at the rescue, I'd seen a different dog online but when we got there he was no longer available - SmallDog was absolutely hyper. They let him out into a stable and he was richocheting off the walls - I was used to an elderly dog who during his final few weeks had been content with a wonder around the garden.

SmallDog was frantic. He didn't know his name, or any commands, he was bouncing around, literally trying to climb the walls and seemed wild. His history was horrific - the rescue man said that he had wept when they took him out of his 'home' cos the circumstances were so awful.

I sat down on a box and he came over and put his nose on my knee - I stroked him and when I stopped he used his nose to push my hand back onto him.

I still wasn't convinced he was the right dog for us - luckily MrPantry was and I agreed that we could come back the next day to walk him.

As I type SmallDog is curled up on the settee next to the cat. He really is a sweetheart and he has enriched our lives.

Yes, tbf, it was MrDragon who was the driving force behind HullyPup

Aw pantryboy that has brought tears to my eyes!

You lot are brilliant. Thank you so much.