Firstly, be be gentle. I mean really gentle- it's taken me all day to pluck up the courage to post this. And I'm really, really sad about the whole situation and desperately want it to change for the better, hence me posting and hoping to get advice from more experienced dog owners.
To give a bit of background, I have, until recently had zero experience of living with a dog. My only interactions with them were limited to being terrified by dogs jumping up at me as a small child, and latterly, watching with horror as large dogs did exactly the same thing to my children when they were small. As a result, I'm somewhat ambivalent to them, and whilst not exactly scared of them, I am somewhat nervous around them.
My DP, whom I love totally and utterly, has always had a dog- she was brought up with one, and when I met her, had two herself. They are both rescue dogs, one of whom has quite severe issues around aggression and isn't, through any fault of my DP or the dog, very well trained- both the people who ran the rescue centre and the vet said that dog wasn't NT, and would need intensive support from people who were experienced and knew what they were doing. I was spending more and more time with my DP, and eventually we decided that DP would move in with me. It was immediately apparent that we weren't in a position, mainly from my lack of experience and the fact that I have a non-NT child, to have this dog with us. It was decided that the dog would go and live with my DP's ex; they are able to give it all the time and attention it needs. Sorry to go on, I just want to make the situation clear that DP has already made the decision (willingly and of her own accord, but with a heavy heart) to give up this dog on my behalf. As far as I'm concerned, I knew she had dogs, and it was up to me to accept them as a unit, which I was more than prepared to do. I really, genuinely thought I could cope with one dog, and fully believe that they are part of the family in the same way her dc's are- I'd never ask her to 'get rid'.
Fast forward to now, 6 months down the line. The other dog is an elderly, smelly, naughty and slightly incontinent border collie. At least once a day there are faeces to clear up, on top of him going outside in the garden and on walks. Any occasion he can, whether we are in the house or not, he'll tip the kitchen bin over and eat whatever he can find in it until someone literally chases him away. I've learnt the hard way that teabags are not digested.... He's not hungry (not least because he's fed twice a day, and he'll attempt to break the jar his food is stored in to get to the dog food whenever he fancies it), nor is he starved of attention or stimulation. He goes on as many walks as possible, though his age and the fact that he has sore, stiff hips makes it difficult to walk him as much as he probably needs. He has been known to jump up onto a chair though, and steal food from peoples plate. He's nowhere near this naughty when DP is around; it's almost like he has a personality change when she's at work and I'm home alone. This is making it so hard to bond with him, despite me trying as hard as I can from him coming to live with us with DP.
He also claws at me/DP to get us to stroke him. Which is terribly sweet, as he then rolls onto his tummy for a tickle. Unfortunately, I have eczema and quite thin skin so a few times this has torn my skin and left me with bleeding. :( I'm finding it so hard to deal with him, and it's braking my heart that despite trying so hard, I'm still struggling to bond with him. If anything, I'm feeling more and more isolated- it's getting to the point where I'm scared to eat in the house if I'm on my own with him, because of the jumping up and snatching food off my plate. On top of this, I have a fairly severe mental illness, and this stress is making it all so, so much worse. I was in tears today, because I just feel at the end of my tether. Hence I'm asking for people to be gentle.
On the upside, he is totally sweet with DP and the DC's. And a cutie. He really is a sweet dog; the issue is I just don't know where/how to go next. Sorry this is so long, I just didn't want to drip feed...