How do you know it's time?

[dippywhentired]

My 17year-old Cairn Terrier doesn't seem to be getting much from life anymore, but I just don't know whether it's time to let her go. She sleeps nearly all the time, shows no interest in going for a walk and recently doesn't eat very much either. She is also deaf, and a bit blind, especially in the dark. Every few weeks, she has a couple of days of vomiting/diarrhoea and tremors. I starve her and then give her rice/chicken for a couple of days and she perks up again. She still comes to greet us when we get home and is always lurking under the children's chairs at mealtimes, as she still wants tidbits/ biscuits, just not interested in her own food. She has always absolutely hated going to the vets, and at her age I don't really want a load of investigations that would distress her, and ultimately are unlikely to change the outcome.

Reading this back, I think I know the answer, am just so sad to have to make this decision. I've had her since I was 15 :(

I was at the point you are, and my last dog died in his sleep at 18. I'm sure it was his last loyal act to spare me.

I grieved for ages and still miss him 4 years on.

Not much I can say, but that I understand and send you a cyber hug.

Thank you! Have been praying she'll just go to sleep one night and won't wake up so I don't have to decide.

Aww, sorry dippy, had my old cat pts recently.

She still had a bit of 'life' about her but was being sick so often (kidney failure) and just felt it must be very uncomfortable & tough for her.

Its very hard, especially when you have to make the decision

We are at the same stage with our wonderful 14 year old collie. It is so tough, isn't it. He seems to go through cycles of having a few bad days and us thinking this is "it", only for him to perk up .

We also noticed that our very food centred boy wasn't as keen on his ordinary dry dog food so we switched to tinned food. He finds it much easier to eat and seems to really enjoy his food again. We know he won't be with us too much longer, so he is being spoiled rotten with Lily's Kitchen dog food, Sainsbo's value range cooked chicken pieces and the posh doggie biscuits he only ever had at Christmas. Costing us a fortune, but food is one of his few remaining pleasures.

That is so sad and I feel for you.

I was talking to a girl on holiday last week who had had her dog diagnosed with aggressive cancer a couple of weeks before, her vet came to their house to pts and she was able to have all their family there to say goodbye, I know you don't want to think about it but when you do is this an option if she really doesn't like going to the surgery?

She's always loved food, so when she first started going off her dried food, I mixed in a bit of tinned food with it, and she started licking the bowl clean again. Now even that doesn't work, often only eats half of it, and anything I add, like cooked carrots,etc. she manages to pick those out and leave the dry stuff.
I would definitely like the vet to come to the house and do it as she has always turned into a trembling wreck at the vet. Although, we moved to Switzerland last summer so am not sure if they do that here (and it'll cost the earth if they do!), but I think it'd be kinder to her.

we were in a similar position last January :(

someone posted on here at the time that it's better to end things a week too soon than a day too late

it's an incredibly difficult decision to take, but if you can spare your dog pain and suffering, you really are doing the kindest thing

in our case when T stopped enjoying her walks, and the last days she couldn't manage to get as far as the park, then it was time to let her go

I'm so sorry you're having to face this :(

Thank you for all your replies and personal experiences. Although I've had 3 pets pts sleep before, they were all family pets when I lived with my parents, so it was always their decision to make. This time, it's all down to me - DH says as she's my dog, only I can decide. Keep thinking what she used to be like - always with her ball waiting for it to be thrown, desperate for her food and walks, and it's just so far removed from the old lady she is now. Although, she's just jumped onto the sofa and curled up next to me - her favourite position. So, so hard.

is there any medical problem behind it or is she just old and worn out? (sorry to be so blunt!)

it's all about quality of life in the end, if you think she's still happy when she's awake, and not in pain then maybe it's not her time yet

dippy the one thing I know for sure is that you are at the point where there is no wrong time. It is the most difficult decision to make and in situations like yours it can be hard as you feel making a plan is wrong.

What making a plan does allow is for you to make it as good as it can be. You get to give her special love be that a special last meal or allowing her to sleep on your bed like she's always wanted to. You get to take her at a time of your choosing with or without your family as you want. You can be with her and cuddle her if that is what you want or you can give her a kiss and go neither option is wrong it's the one that works for you.
At the end of the day all us vets are pet owners too and we know that this is the hardest decision to make in your pets life. I hope this helps you a little. The most important thing to hang on to is the amazing 17 years of memories you have of her and that she is a blessed dog to have had 17 years of wonderful life with an owner as caring as you clearly are.

Thank you Lizcat.

I struggled with this for months with my 18 year old poodle x shih tzu as she just didn't seem happy with her lot any more, and, like yours, she was deaf, blind and off her food. I put it off and put it off, as I didn't feel it was my place to make the decision, but then I woke up one morning to find the kitchen covered in diarrhoea and blood and had to do an emergency dash to the vets. Her major organs were all failing and she was in a lot of pain and had to be pts which was the most traumatic thing I have ever witnessed as, because her heart was failing and therefore her circulation was slow, it took a couple of minutes for the injection to get into her bloodstream and do it's work, and she was screaming :( I wish I could turn back the clock and take her to be pts while she was still relatively pain free so it could have been a gentle, peaceful experience instead of one that I had nightmares about for weeks :(
It's a hard call because they're a member of your family and you just want to do what's best x

I have been through this with our lovely girl Cassie. I'd say think of your dog's life. Walking and eating are fundamental to a dog; if she no longer enjoys these things, that is your answer. It doesn't make the decision any easier though.

Aw, dippy

I had to make this decision for my old boy, aged 16 1/2 last year. Like you, he was MY dog, so the decision was mine. Add to that that I am a vet, and knew I would do it myself, so everyone deferred the decision to me.

It was very hard. I kept thinking there would be some crisis that made my mind up for me (as I have seen so many times with clients), but the reality was that he just went ever so gradually downhill. As Lizcat says, I could plan it out, and I actually brought him to the surgery, after hours- just me, DH and dd2, who wanted to be there (the others didn't)- I didn't want him to be at home, for some reason.

What I would say to you is that there is no definitive "right" time, only the time when you feel like it needs to be done. After I let oldboy go, I did feel I had left it too long, but it's far easier in retrospect, and he didn't suffer unduly.

I'd also add that THIS is the hardest bit- the making the decision bit. For months you worry about it- am I being fair, is he/ she suffering, how will I know??- and you worry that you need to make the decision, while part of you is already grieving for the dog you have, in reality, almost already lost. Once you make the decision, and it is done, you realise the reality (in terms of the actual process) wasn't as bad as you feared, and now you can concentrate on your own selfish grief, which is far easier to bear than the watching and worrying. There is a sense of relief, almost, waiting at the other side of that decision, which has no doubt been hanging over you for a while, I know it was for me. I still miss my Oldboy, but I know I did the right thing by him, and that helps. I hope whatever you decide it goes peacefully for you. x

Thank you everyone for your kind replies. I think it's time, just need to pluck up the courage to do it.

(((dippy))) we'll be here for you if you want us to be :( it is so very difficult :(

Thanks bumpybecky - spoke to my dad tonight and he's coming to stay on Thursday, so think he wants to see her again (unless she goes downhill in the meantime).

Good luck with it. It will be very, very hard, but you know you are making the right decision.

Thought I'd update - we took my wonderful old girl to the vet this morning and had her put to sleep. It was one of the hardest things I've had to do, but it was definitely time to let her go, and it was very peaceful. I held her in my arms while she slipped away. Am so very sad, but it was the best I could do for her.

So sorry to hear this, Dippy. Sending you lots of hugs, and hoping you will be able to reflect on the wonderful time you shared together, and the peaceful dignified end she was able to have, surrounded by the people she loved. No matter how much you know it was the right thing to do, it still hurts like hell though. Best wishes xx

(((dippy)))

be gentle on yourself for the next few weeks, don't be too surprised if you burst into tears at random moments. I agree with everything Scuttlebutter has said - it really was the kindest thing to do :(

Thank you - she stopped eating altogether over the weekend, and yesterday she sat between my legs on the floor with her head on my knee, while I stroked her. It felt like she was telling me she wanted to go. I keep thinking I'm ok, and then burst into tears again.