Getting a rescue dog / starting a family

[Quodlibet]

So my partner and I are planning to start a family in the near future.
We are also keen to have a dog in our lives. I have had dogs growing up we now regularly dogsit for a friend's dog when they are away on holiday. We both work from home much of the time and know (from the dogsitting) that a dog would fit nicely into the rhythm of our lives. I've given a lot of thought to the next dog I'd like to have and know I would want to rehome a young adult dog from a rescue. The major thing putting us off rehoming now is that we know we want to start a family soon and I'm not sure how the two would tally.

I guess what I am seeking advice about is the realities/practicalities of having a dog and then starting a family. Obviously I know all about the hard work of taking care of a dog, but I don't know from experience about having children yet (though I am very involved with my friend's babies/young children and know how lifechanging it is). I am aware that lots of dogs end up in rescue precisely because someone can't cope with dog + young child and that rescues are rightly wary of this happening (for me, getting rid of a dog is an unthinkable prospect - a dog is for life, which is why I'm really thinking this through). Is getting a dog before you have children just a bad idea full stop? Or, with your eyes open is it perfectly doable? What should we be thinking about?

Part of me thinks that it's a shame to have so many nice dogs sitting in rescue when we have a good home here, and at least a year to settle a dog into our lives before any babies. What think the wise women of the Doghouse?

I think you either get the dog well in advance of ttc, and get it settled before you fall pregnant, and ensure that you have the support of other friends and family to help out when baby is small.

Or you wait untill baby is up a bit, how old depends on the child I suppose but a rescue dog may have issues, and will need a lot of time and attention. It will be difficult to settle a new dog with a demanding child (as in all young children are demanding).

I had dogs pre DD, so that was that, but they were adult dogs, so trained and settled. I would not contemplate a pup/rescue dog that needs to be settled whilst heavily pregnant or with a young baby/toddler. That way insanity lies.

So if I were you I would get it first, or be prepared to wait a few years.

The dogs I had when DS1 arrived were 7&2, they hadn't met children before but just accepted him as another human in the house. DS1 used to prop himself up against the younger dog ( very docile long haired rescue dachshund) to enjoy his bottle! I would say probably best to get dog first and settle it in, then think about children.

I have direct experience of this.

We were planning on starting a family when a dog became available who needed a home (not a cruelty case). We took the dog on a weeks trial, which became 2, then 3 then a month, then we kept him.

It was very important that we did the trial so we could see him in our home before we committed so we could expose him to children and see how he reacted etc and what his character was.

We were able to see he was a softy. We had to hope that he would cope with a new arrival.

Our dog had lived with us for 9 months when baby arrived, we introduced baby clothes to dog before bringing him home and he has never had a problem with the baby and didn't become anxious or anything although when the crying was very loud he would remove his ears to another room

Dog and DS are good friends now and it couldn't have gone any better.

However, we have always been very careful not to let ds upset/hurt the dog (as you would with any dog), we knew from previous home he had been around children, we saw him with children ourselves before we committed, and he wasn't an anxious dog as the rehome wasn't needed for cruelty reasons.

The dog was good for us at it got us used to the tie of having to care for another creature before DS arrived which was a good gradual adjustment in lifestyle from totally carefree to totally depended on

He has also been brilliant for teaching DS about using gently hands etc, and DS feeds him so is learning to care for animals.

Walking the dog with a newborn was essential for my sanity and was a brilliant thing when trying to get DS to sleep etc to walk him in pram or sling. I honestly think I may have gone over the edge as a new mum if it wasn't for the dog! He was a source of entertainment for DS when he was still not mobile so helped in so many ways.

I realise we were lucky and the dog could have reacted badly to the new baby, but we did everything we could (more than I mention here) to judge how likely that was before we created the situation and I have no regrets and am SO glad we did it.

So I don't think it is a show stopper but definitely look before you leap.

I'd go out and start looking for your dog right now, you sound like ideal rescuers! Best of luck.

You also ask what to think about.

Dogs need walks and food and fusses.

I think babies and dogs are very compatible from the point of view of the things you have to do to care for both. Taking the dog for a walk, (which is the most time consuming responsibility) is thoroughly enjoyed by baby and dog, so provided you are up to the physical act of getting out of the house, everyone concerned will get a lot out of it.

My DS would want to go a walk rain or shine (which is what rain covers and hoods are for), and I was often found sat on a log in the woods breastfeeding as he had got hungry while we were out - nice place to do it actually with the trees rustling overhead, a bottle could also be taken if you didn't bf.

Apart from that, the other thing is whether you can afford the cost of dog food and vet bills.

so the practical aspects are very doable if the dogs character makes it possible to be around babies with the usual vigilence.

p.s Your home sounds perfect for a dog, so lucky dog who gets to live with you!

Great idea with ONE caveat.

Bust a gut socialising your new dog with as many toddlers/babies young kids as you can lay your hands on from the first day you bring it home. The more comfortable the dog is with the general idea of babies and toddlers (esp crying ones!) the eaiser the dog will find it to adapt to having one in the home when the time comes iyswim.

On the same note choose where you will want the dog to sleep once a baby arrives and accustom it to that spot from the dog's first day home with you. Dogs that are used to kipping in your own bed, might resent suddenly being turfed out.

I agree, get the dog sooner rather than later and make sure it is well socialised. Get a dog that you can manage in the space with all the stuff that goes with kids too - its amazing how small your house will feel with a pram, a bouncy chair, a crawling baby and a dog!

Decide where the dog will be allowed from day 1 and put up gates where necessary. I had two dogs when dd arrived and from when I found I was expecting, a stair gate went on and we started excluding them sometimes from the living room - they got used to this before baby.

At the 7 months mark, I started carrying around a doll wrapped up and pushed them away from me, throwing a treat for them and teaching them to 'go settle' - they picked this up quickly and learnt when I had a bundle, I ignored them. I also got a tape of a baby crying and playing this a bit, both upstairs and down, so they desensitised.

When dd was born, OH brought home some babygrows and let the dogs sniff them, placing them on a chair in the kitchen and living room, so the smell became familiar.

When I came home, I put the carrying seat on a bench outside and let the dogs (a terier and a BCollie), sniff it -dd moved and the collie jumped back a mile!!! I made sure I gave them a lot of fuss.

For us it was fine, we were always careful, but the preparation had made it easy (one of my dogs was a rescue with a history of biting, so I was very careful), both accepted her as part of our family group and never so much as growled at her, she learnt from an early age to 'respect' dogs.

When she was 2 and the old collie had died, another dog came along, I would never have thought this was a good age to have a dog with a child, but I was wrong, the dog - the sweetest I have come accross - and dd bonded, they are now (she is 7), best buddies in the whole world and it is ajoy to see.

Common sense and understanding how dogs think is the key. To be honest, I would be more worried about where the dog is going to be when you are at work!!!!

Best of luck with your family - dog or human!