My mums dog has bitten my toddler - need advice please

[rainonwater]

Hello, first time I have visited the doghouse but could really use some thoughts and advice.

My mum has a small dog, a Tibetan Spaniel, she is 6 years old and has stayed with us regularly since my mum got her at 5 months old.

Yesterday evening she went for DD, who is 23 months, and bit her on the cheek. She did not draw blood but did mark her cheek. It happened in a split second. The dog was lying quietly on the couch, DD playing with jigsaws on the floor and DH and DS were playing at game at the table. DS was upset for some reason and I went to see what was wrong. While my back was turned I heard the dog "snap" and DD start crying. When I turned round DD was on the couch leaning over the dog.

My gut instinct is telling me that DD climbed up and either fell on the dog or squashed her and scared her while she was asleep and the dog snapped out of fright but obviously my back was turned so can't be 100% sure.

I'm not sure what I am asking really but the dog is a beloved family pet and I know my mum will be devastated when I tell her as she adores DD (and the dog) I'm just wondering what we should be doing. We are obviously keeping DD away from the dog (which is hard because she loves her and is always going to her) Should we be saying the dog can never stay again? Can we teach DD to leave the dog alone? (we do try)

DD is fine btw and within 10 minutes was trying to cuddle the dog again.

Thanks everyone

Never, ever leave a child unsupervised with a dog no matter how friendly they are.

I wouldn't do anything other than that tbh. It's happened here with my own dog. Nothing more than a warning snap.

It does sound like DD scared the dog.

Yes teach her not to disturb the dog when it is sleeping. I found it easier and simpler to teach mine never to approach the dogs at all. Always call the dog to come to them if they want to interact with them. Rather than trying to exlpain to a toddler that they mustn't touch the dog if it's sleeping, eating, poorly, not paying attention to them etc. One simple rule is easier for them to follow.

Does the dog have a basket or crate she can sleep in at your house? That would probably be best, rather than the sofa. Place the bed/crate our of the way somewhere and teach the children they must stay away from it.

Dogs reactions are lightening fast, had it wanted to hurt your dd anymore than it did, it would have.

Lastly try not to punish yourself too much. No harm was done. You probably got a bigger shock than dd and the dog.

It sounds like a warning snap - dogs have strong jaws and sharp teeth, and had the dog intended to hurt your DD, she'd have been bleeding.

Keep your DD away from the dog, properly away, until tshe understands the fullmeaning of the instruction "Leave the dog alone"

The child does need to learn how to behave aorund the dog. i know that is not a very popular feeling around here, but disturbing and teasing (even unintentionally) are bad news.

That said my parents put down their dog when it sent for the toddler of a friend. That was it really. It did follow extremely agressive behaviour from when we got him as puppy though.

Very sad and we all still feel guilty, and probs won't get a dog again, but what can you do?

My lurcher has bitten (warning bite) every one of my children, but it has always been their fault and they have now learnt they need to behave around the dog. The reasons she has bitten range from her being asleep on her bed and one of them falling on her as they were play fighting too close to her, to one of them trying to jump on her back. IMO children totally at fault, dog had a natural reaction. Obviously if she attacked them or it was unprovoked then I would have to take drastic action. I overheard a horrible conversation the other day. A man said he had his dog put down as his 6 year old was waving a sausage in the dogs face and teasing it and, surprise surprise, it bit her. I was so upset, totally not the dogs fault.

I know other's will disgree, but if a dog has bitten a child once, you shouldn't allow that dog to be near your DC again (and be very wary around other people's DCs too).

As it's not your dog, it should be easy to keep them apart, at least until your DD is older and better able to understand about not hurting/upsetting/scaring dogs.

Very tricky one this. A relative's dog snapped at DS2 and it caused all sorts of grief. The relative now puts the dog out of the way when we visit. However this dog is snappy generally so they have had to never let it off the lead etc.

You have to tell your mum anyway and I would not allow my young kids in the room with that dog. Everyone has slightly different risk thresholds so you have to do what is right for you.

I would keep the children away from the dog (or vice versa) unless you're able to supervise very closely. Yes it's good to teach your DD how to behave properly around dogs, but at her age she might not remember or get it right every time, and as you've found, you only need to turn your back for a moment for things to go wrong.

I don't think there's a need to overreact and say you'll never have the dog in your house again (though it's your house, so that's up to you of course) but take it as a warning to be more careful while your DD is so little.

If this were your dog i would, with ease of mind, say that it was a warning bite - but is not your dog. A good proportion of very serious dog bites are carried out by relatives dogs.

It sounds to me like there was a LOT going on, how many children? lots of noise? Then your DD does the cardinal sin and gets in the dogs face, either startling her or making her feel intimidated.

I would take great care with this dog in future, it sounds to me like she is a very tolerant dog but that maybe the noise and goings on actually do make her uneasy. Its not her fault, its not yours either tbh but there you are. I would be wary about having her to stay in future, I know this sounds terribly mean but i think it stresses her out and that she probably just wants a bit of peace, especially if that is her usual environment with your mum.

I really worry about toddlers with dogs, they are just the wrong height, and insist on "cuddles" when the dog really doesn't want it, but generally dogs will put up with it, until one day they are feeling out of sorts and you have a bite situation.

"
DD is fine btw and within 10 minutes was trying to cuddle the dog again"

i think you have your answer, don't let your toddler cuddle the dog, please. Dogs really do not like to be smothered and it is asking for trouble.

Yes I agree with Goawaybob actually, sounds like a mistake to be letting the child 'try to cuddle' the dog again, just a few minutes after dog had clearly expressed that she wanted to be left alone.

I'm sure it's not easy to get a determined toddler to leave the dog alone, but I think you have to insist on it, it's not fair on either dog or child to allow the situation where a bite could happen.

Thanks everyone for your responses. Just to be clear on that last point, what I should have said was DD was asking to cuddle the dog again, we absolutely did not let her try. In fact the dog was out of the room at this time so she wasn't able to get near her.

I agree we need to be more strict in keeping them seperate and 100% supervision when in the same room. And we will work on teaching DD not to approach the dog at all. I have just told my mum and she is mortified as expected. She has also agreed to be super vigilent when DD visits her.

The dog doesn't have a history of being aggressive at all but I think Goawaybob has it right in that she just wanted a bit of peace and quiet and not have a pestering toddler fall on top of her. She is used to our house and has stayed here regularly (every week) since being a pup - including when my mum goes on holiday for up to 2 weeks and we have never had an incident before.

Re her own bed, she used to have a large blanket that she knew was hers and was able to go to to when she wanted a rest. We will look at gettting her a new bed in an out of the way place (on the floor!) for future.

Thanks again everyone

Her own bed is a good idea, but this has to be somewhere where she can absolutely be left alone because dogs can become quite territorial over their beds and be more likely to bite when in/on them.