Please help me before I lose it...

[DogEared]

Namechanger here, because the details in this post may out me.
Haven't posted about this problem before because I was scared of the doghouse but it's really really getting me down now. I was crying in bed last night before deciding that I had to seek help.
I am doing a long-term dogsit for a dear friend. She lives abroad, and is having a baby, and so I agreed to look after the dog until the summer. I love dogs and our lifestyle suits having one... I work from home, love walking, live in the countryside etc etc. This dog has stayed here several times before and has been fine, though it's never been as long as this. He was always lovely and gentle and well-behaved. (He's 8 yrs old btw). I have 2 DC, 6 and nearly 3, and I thought having the dog would help a lot with the 6-year-old who is a bit wary of dogs.

So, the dog arrived a fortnight ago.

He is ridiculously high maintainence. If he doesn't get taken out eight times during the course of the day, he shits and pisses on the floor. Two of those walks need to be 1hr+, and the rest about 15 mins each. Even if we've just been out for a 90-minute walk, and he's done his business there, he will come home and if he's let into our living space, he'll shit on the carpet or in the DC's toy box. :(
He has bolted for my nearly-3-yr-old, snarled and bared his teeth when the DC was nowhere near him, was just sitting down quietly looking at a book. I was there and screamed, which freaked the dog out before he reached the child- But I really do think that he would have attacked him. He has also growled at this child several other times apropos nothing. He's fine with the 6-yr-old (and the 6-yr-old can't see his faults, he is far better with dogs now which is one :) aspect of having dog here). Because of the aggression and the shit, the dog is now limited to one room- It's a big, warm, dry room, and his bed has always been in there- And tbh he seems happier to have his space and doesn't seem to want to come in.

He uses messing as a punishment for me. He has totally latched on to me, and if I take him for a walk, I can see the dog he used to be- Happy, loving, relaxed, sniffing around. But if there are any DC with me, or DH, he plods along, doesn't enjoy. DH has taken him out late at night/early morning a few times, and he has refused to do his business outside, but has come in and done it in the house. (DH is lovely and soft and doesn't shout). Last night, DH took him out at ten: This morning I got up to find that dog has crapped all over his own bed, pissed everywhere. I'm just so knackered after taking him out so often, and so tired of dealing with shit and piss. I have these dog blankets encrusted with last night's poo that I now have to deal with, and my energy is just depleted. I was out for a walk with him yesterday and I just started crying from the stress of it all- And I'm not a teary person. Honest to God, I'm finding this twice as stressful as having a newborn baby.

I do feel for the dog- I know he's been uprooted, he's scared and insecure- But this is just too much for me. He eats well, but not too much, and seems to be healthy in all other aspects. I make sure to fuss over him with lots of stroking several times a day, and I give him treats every few days after a long walk.

Please help me. I'm bloody crying again :(

You poor thing. I think you need to talk to your friend, and ask her if the dog has a history of this sort of behaviour.

I do sympathise- unfortunately, you need to tell your friend that her arrangements need to change, and she will have to look at kennelling or fostering. I hope somebody is along with practical advice to help you achieve this. It is ok for you to say this doesn't suit you: the dog is her responsibility, and you have genuinely tried to help. This level of stress is quite beyond your remit though.

Yikes. It sounds as if you are doing your best.

Here is what I would do. Put the shitty dog blankets in a bin bag and get rid.

Feed dog and take it for its morning walk. Twenty mins for a wee and poo.

Come back and make a cup of tea. Send your OP in an email to your friend - you have said everything you need to and she needs to hear. If time differences allow I might ring her and say 'I love your dog and I love you but it's not working out and I'll write and explain everything.'

Then I would ring my local kennel and ask them to take the dog for a few days while my friend sorts out an alternative. I would probably offer to pay for the kennel as I would feel bad.

If I was your friend I would say 'god you poor thing. I am so sorry this is happening. Dear dog is usually like this/obviously distressed/perhaps ill. Please book him into the kennel while I sort something out. This is my problem not yours. Thank you for helping.'

If I was your dear friend I might try and reach some kind of compromise whereby the dog could be kenneled at night but you might agree to go and give it a walk in the day.

DogEared, so sorry to read your post. Please, please take this dog to the vet as soon as possible. Dogs almost NEVER poo or pee in their own bed - for a dog to do this is usually a sign that the dog is very ill or incredibly stressed. Your dog may have a tummy upset, a parasitic infection or even a urinary infection. It's really important this is checked out. Your vet will also probably ask you when/if your dog was last wormed - again, this is important for managing poo. It's also possible that the poor dog has an allergy to something in their food - what does the dog eat, and is this the same as when he/she used to visit you?

Please get this checked out.

THANK YOU for not saying it's my fault.

I have emailed friend about the problem. She is due her first child any day now so can't come and get dog- I can't take him to France because I have no passport. I feel stuck. :(

What a nightmare - I completely sympathize. Clearly the dog is very nervous and unsettled in your house. I think you have two options here, which you need to consult your friend about.

Firstly, you need to look at getting some professional help to settle this dog in - as it's a long time until summer. Talk to your friend and tell her that this dog sit isn't working out - you're sorry, but it isn't. Dont be afraid to cry on the phone to her - she needs to hear how upset it is making you. You're prepared to have a dog trainer come in at her expense, and work with them, but it cannot continue as it is. Alternatively, if she would rather, then you will take the dog to the kennels of her choice. She wil have to make the booking etc with her credit card and organize it.

Sounds a bit harsh, doesn't it? I took on a "well behaved" 12 month old Lab when DS was 3. The Lab was NOT well trained, and used to chase DS from one end of the garden to the other until the poor child was pinned up against the fence. DS (now 12) still remembers it, fortunately with some amusement. However, I didn't have the time or the ability to train the dog, and I wish the owner had actually been honest with me upfront. I managed to find someone better qualified to take him on, but it was very upsetting. Act now. This won't get better by itself, and good luck.

We've got three dogs and last week ALL of them went down with a tummy bug. I thought the washing machine was going to explode! And yes, I completely understand that it is miserable and stressful to deal with shit encrusted blankets. DH had to resort to a huge gin after the worst day. Even though they are all normally perfectly housetrained, we had poo accidents in the house. Not my fault, not their fault and now they are better, not happening. Just one of the delights of dog ownership/guardianship.

As part of looking after her dog, your friend should have made arrangements for ongoing vet care, is the dog insured? Even if you do decide to go to kennels it is important that the dog is checked out before this happens - the kennels will rightly be unimpressed if a sick dog is brought in, and in any case will insist on vaccinations, etc being up to date.

I agree with scuttlebutter you need to see they vet ASAP for him and your sanity!! Dog is obviously very stressed out, no matter how loving you are too him he must be very confused about being in a new home. Vet can probably prescribe something to calm him down and check that he doesn't have any internal problems that is making him mess so much. I do admire you for taking him in for your friend but take him to the vet today and see if that helps. Good luck you are a very good friend.

I would like to echo the possibility of a medical condition. The fact that you have had the dog to stay before and it hasn't behaved like this and that it is growling at your DC when they are no where near it and messing it's own bed all suggest an ill dog to me.

You sound like an lovely friend so don't beat yourself up, get on the phone to the Vet now and make an appointment

But even if it turns out to be behavioural rather than medical I don't think your friend could expect you to keep the dog in this situation so it really is up to her to decide what she wants to do and make alternative arrangements.

So, Vet first to rule out medical condition and then take it from there.

It's not your fault. I agree that the situation needs to be crisis management as obviously neither you nor the dog are happy or coping well with this situation - though you sound like a very kind and generous person who's doing all they can in really hard circumstances.

I second the vet trip. It also sounds like the dog might be incredibly anxious about this change of circumstances. I promise he isnt soiling to punish you - dogs just aren't capable of thinking like that - although I can very much understand that the cycle you've got stuck in it must feel that way. I agree that this kind of soiling is really abnormal behaviour.

Hopefully one of the dog behaviour experts will be along in a but to shine some light on this. I agree you should speak to your friend ASAP, as this situation clearly isn't ideal for the dog's mental health (or yours!) and if I were her I'd realise that some drastic measures were needed, and that whilst you've done your best the dog really isn't coping well.

I second the vet trip - the pooing in the bed is a sign that something is very wrong It coudbe stress, isn't there a 'feliway' hormone airfreshner thing that sends out calming hormones?

You lot have made me cry because you're so nice. I was so sure it was going to be my fault in some way.

I have just emailed my friend to tell her of all the problems, and to say I'm not coping. I feel awful- She shouldn't have to worry about this with her first child about to arrive- But it's stressing me out terribly and I know I can't go on.
I know in my heart he isn't soiling to punish me Quod, but as you say, it feels that way. It's just that horrible feeling of coming home to a horrible mess, and not being able to go for a coffee with friends without dreading coming back.
I shall also make an appointment with the vet. I don't know if the messing in the bed was to do with me having just washed his blankets, but I have just scraped them and put them to wash again with no detergent so there's no smell.
He eats the same as always... Dried food. Looks horrid but he likes it.

Dog, please don't cry. (sends a hug). You've done an incredibly generous thing for your friend. And i promise you that even the most besotted dog owner (and I am one) gets days like this. I can remember a day last year when as a special treat I was going out for a birthday lunch with a friend - I'd got dressed up and was just about to go out through the door, when one of our dogs did an unexpected Exorcist style vomit all over the floor length curtains in the living room - I just burst into tears, thus ruining my carefully applied makeup and making me feel even more shit!!

Let us know what the vet says - that is absolutely the first priority. Even the nicest tempered dog gets grumpy and upset when they are ill or in pain.

Tip - if the dog poos again between now and the vet appt, see if you can scrape some into a jar - the vet may well want to test the poo for parasites/bugs etc. Taking some with you will help speed up this process.