Rescue dog and husband are hard work!

[OoohMrCoyne]

Apologies in advance for long post....

I had a dog as a child/young adult and loved it. Since having my own family I have not had any pets. My DD, now 9 has been desperate for a dog for ages, but we decided to wait until my DS was old enOugh. He is now 5 1/2 and very sensible. My DH has never been particularly keen on pet ownership (despite having a Yorkie when he was growing up) and agreed that we could get a dog, but that it would be MY dog, not his.

I started looking for a small rescue dog last October (believing this to be the responsible thing to do). It took a long time to find a dog, as all the small cute ones rehome very fast. So three weeks ago we finally found our rescue dog, a Chihuahua Jack Russell +, called Bertie. My DH actually saw him first and set the ball rolling at the rescue centre. He was found straying, put in a pound and rescue centre got him out. Age 2-3 but no history.

He is lovely and very affectionate and lapdog-ish most of the time. Very good with DD and DH. BUT: he hates other dogs, is fearful aggressive and has to react first (even if another passing dog ignores him), very wary of strangers coming to the door (aggressive for about 5 mins and then calms down and very weird about his collar and lead (we can't get either OFF him, in case he bites us). As far as we can tell he is unsocialised and untrained (apart from toilet trained which is ok).

I've already taken lots of advice about Bertie's behaviour and it seems to be a case of just getting him to settle down, trust us and then start to train him.

BUT: Despite the fact that I have put a huge amount of time into researching how to deal with our new dog, purchasing items to help (like Adaptil and a new harness), I always feed him and take him on his main walks of the day... My DH is being REALLY negative! He suggested after week 1 that we 'take him back to the rescue centre'. I told him not to be so negative, to give him a chance to settle in.

Now he's going on and on about our summer holiday. I have booked two weeks camping in Normandy. He is convinced that it will be a disaster.

It's really pi*#%ng me off! I'm working really hard and so are my children. But he just doesn't seem to want to help. I'm feeling quite depressed about it actually. I already completely love my dog and want to 'turn him around'. But I need the support of my DH.

???????

I've no advise on how to deal with the DH, mine was the same throughout all of my ex poundies 'ishoos'.

I can offer hope though, DH hugged my dog a few nights ago and told me he was a good dog. Dd1 told her Nana that loves him now because he doesn't 'bite and growl' anymore

I would reccomend getting a professional in to advise sooner rather than later, it honestly made things 100 times easier for us.

We are over two years down the line now and I'm begining to think my dog is a bit boring as much as I love him I had gotten used to the constant challenges.

Thanks for that! Feeling a bit lonely fighting the battle on my own...

I'm wanting to get some help but clueless as to how I find the right person and don't end up spending too much money. DH won't pay out. Am wondering if I can get insurance to cover it actually (suggested by another dog training chap).

I'm generally taking a softly softly approach with him, in spite of others attitude (vet wasn't particularly helpful with the lead and collar issue). It doesn't matter to us if he wonders around with them on, in fact it helps is to stop him attacking visitors!

Three weeks is too soon to feel like giving up... I'm sure he'll get better, it's just so annoying to have DH constantly sewing seeds of doubt.

Sowing not sewing! Effing predictive text!

Softly softly is the right way. Use lots of treats and praise.

Try here for trainers. Sorry but they're not cheap. They are, however, worth their weight in gold when you find a good one.

Three weeks is far too soon to give up. You haven't even 'met' your dog yet he is still settling in.

Wrt the lead distract with a treat to remove it. I used a houseline on my terrier during training so keeping it on is not an issue but it would be handy to be able to remove it every now and again.

Try and teach 'look at me' when you spot another dog give the look at me command and aim to be treating when the other dog passes.

You really do need a trainer in for aggression.

Sorry you're having a hard time with DH. Although no replacement for a trainer there are some very good training clips on youtube which might give you some guidance or at least let you see there is a solution. I think minimuu posted a clip quite recently on this very subject which showed a training session with a reactive dog (like yours). As Dooin suggested it seemed to be all about anticipating a situation and getting the dog to look at you then reward as the other dog was noticed.

This behaviour can be worked on but it will take time and it will be a big commitment. However it can be improved dramatically. I am talking from personal experience here and from seeing clients dogs regularly get over this issue. I do feel for you OH a bit (just a bit!) He has recognized that it will be a long haul and maybe before everyone gets emotionally involved to think hard about the situation. However I would never give up on a dog like this.

I don't know where you live but the best thing to do is to find a trainer that works with BAT more here. It works a treat but really needs the help of stooge dogs. There is a book which explain it in huge detail and Greisha is doing a seminar in the UK In June.

I do not work at getting a dog to watch me in this situation as it usually increases the dogs anxiety. If I told you not to look at what was frightening you but to look away you would imagine the frightening thing to be much worse than it is. With BAT the dog looks at the dog/human and then its reward is to move away from it. Gradually this decreases the anxiety as the dog feels in control and the fear goes just like magic

Most APDT Trainers will acknowledge this training method or be prepared to help you set it up even if they are new to it. I would go with this as their previous knowledge will let them understand the principle very quickly.

If he came from a rescue this would be a great place to practice the BAT as there will be loads of dogs around already

This might be the thread with video that yesbutnot referred to. I found it a really helpful training video, and have done this with my rescue dog that wasn't well socialized. But just so there isn't any confusion, I don't think the video is using quite the same approach as the BAT that minimuu is suggesting, because that would reward with increasing distance.

Your DH is probably just realizing how much hard work the dog is at the moment. I am sure the dog can be trained to be lovely and the DH will come round!

I know which one would have to go if it came down to it

Redwing - you are right, that is the thread and video I was referring to. I was impressed by it. Hope OP can see there is lots of advice and support out there.

We got a rescue dog (Jack Russel) last May. I grew up with JRTs and DH had always had dogs of his own as an adult (he's older than me). I have wanted to get a dog for our family for a long time, but wanted to wait until the children were older. DH still wasn't convinced that the time was right, but was persuaded by the children who saved all their holiday spending money and pocket money towards the cost :) His attitude was very much 'your dog, you wanted it, you deal with it' for the first few weeks.
BUT, after two months, when Spud had settled in a bit more (no aggression, but very, very timid, and desperate desire to escape after not been in a house before) DH started to come around. It took 4 months before DH started walking him and he still doesn't do any feeding, although he will give Spud treats! (mind you, DH doesn't ever make dinner for the kids either, so probably related to that rather than to the dog )
Now, they are best friends, Spud is still a bit scared of some noises, can pull on the lead when excited about new smells, but his lovely cheeky terrier attitude is really coming through. Which was something DH also needed to get used to after having King Charles Spaniels!! And, of course now none of us would ever be without Spud, he is one of the family, plays with the children, great company for me when DH is working evening shifts, greets DH with excitement when he comes in from work, and is the only one who goes on DH's long walks without complaining!!!!

It might just be a matter of time, before your dog settles in enough to show affection/attention- Spud yesterday for the first time jumped on beside me and put his head on my arm for a cuddle, then curled up and went to sleep with his head on my lap. I found with DH, as soon as Spud started to show him some attention, watching him, following him, etc., then DH got more involved and couldn't resist! Good luck with Bertie, I hope it works out for you all :)