who holds the dog lead

[smilingthroughgrittedteeth]

Ok I know I'm being nerotic and unreasonable which is why I've posted here and not in AIBU but I lurk in the doghouse all the time so I know you all love your dogs, which I am hoping means you will be a little more understanding!

I have a 8yr old collie x lab, I rescued her when she was 14mths old and we have been inseperable ever since, I've had dogs all my life but there is something different about the bond I have with her, probably because she was with me when I was extremmely ill and never left my side and when she had to have a serious operation I repaid her by not leaving her side, (sorry that sounds really slushy anyway the problem I am having is that although I am happy for others (ie my partner and step-children) to play with her, fed her, brush her etc if they try and take her lead I can feel myself gritting my teeth and want to yell "MY DOG, MY LEAD) I'm insane aren't I? Its just a lead no harm will come to her

I am prepared for people to tell me I'm being irrational but I'm also hoping that someone will have some ideas of how I can overcome this.

I like you already

Actually, it makes perfect sense to me that you should have strong feelings around your dog - this particular dog - as you have been through such a traumatic time with her, and she with you. Yes, I suppose it could be described as 'being irrational' not letting others hold her lead, but with the back-story, I think its actually rational: my guess would be that the fear of harm coming to her, if you let go of her 'out in the world', is based on the huge amount of harm that did come/could have come to you - and to her - during your illness, and the sense of comfort and protection your relationship gave you then.

And also a good idea to start gently challenging yourself over it (which you aready are) for lots of reasons, I would think. But I'd see it as an opportunity to grieve and let go of that time when you were ill, not as something to let anyone make you feel unreasonable about.

If it were me, I'd probably choose the 'safest' person to start with, and offer them the lead for a given period of time - 'up to the park', or 'to the end of the road' or whatever - and then try hard to focus on what I was feeling, and why, and remind myself that I have already survived, and so has she. Just feel it - but let it happen, iyswim.

Good luck, she sounds very special

Thank you, your reply has actually made me cry, your right I think it is the fear that something could happen to her, having nearly lost her once I am perhaps worried that if someone else is holding the lead I would not be able to protect her where as in the house I know she is safe and I am relaxed about others doing things for her.

I have been with my partner for 4yrs but we only moved in together 8mths ago so I am still adjusting to sharing her

maybe allow them the lead on the way back when the dog has had their exercise, I am like you it is hard to allow someone to walk your dog, but as an ex dogwalker/sitter I can safely say that on the way home is when your dog is most relaxed. they have let off steam etc and if you use the same route they will know their way home.

It also depends on your dogs walking style and the childrens ages.

how I introduced children to walking the dogs was a stroke of genius on my part (well I thought it was) I had my lead clipped to the dogs collar, they had a slightly shorter one clipped to my lead at the collar. They controlled the dog through my lead IFYSWIM heavy handed neck pulling could be seen by me so I could instruct the child about jerking the neck etc. I also had the knowledge that the dog was ultimately attached to my lead and I was in control of child and dog at all times.

After a few days the dog caught on that they were attached to a child and slowed /stopped pulling altogether.

A few weeks later I could trust them both enough to walk alongside me without me being attached to them. I didn't rush it and now I am happy to let them walk together ahead but not out of sight both to walkies and back. They have a very special bond but it took several months to build the mutual trust I needed them to have, to relax about them walking without my physical attachment.

DD has walked retired greyhounds (tested prior for signs of prey drive), small spaniels and terriers with the right temperament and even in an emergency had the confidence to hold a ridgeback for a few minutes. She regularly walks our now elderly weimaraner who was double her weight when we started out with the introduction, and had a lot more bounce.

with care and done correctly it will go well- they also need to know the correct commands, as some of my clients dogs crossed roads on different command words. So DD only walked the ones that went on the same commands as our weim. it's never fun to get to a crossing point and say sit, stand, wait, and have one still walking!

Yes, on the way back from a walk is a good place to start

You know, if the dog felt like the closest person to you when you were at your most vulnerable....there's bound to be a shift now that you've moved in with your partner....

I do remember moving in with my (now dh) long time boyfriend, and how we all had to adjust. My dog actually lay under the bed and cried for attention the first time dh stayed the night (!), and it took dh a while to forge his own bonds with what had been only my dog. Who was also with me through some difficult times, and therefore felt very much 'mine'. It did happen, with time, and I'm sure it will for you too!

Good luck!