Any dog psychologists out there please?

[artyjools]

Hi, I'm feeling very miserable about my relationship with my dog. I was once told by a dog trainer that problems with dogs are always problems with owners, so please tell it straight if I am to blame.

She is a 5 year old cocker spaniel (my third dog and second cocker). I have had her since a pup and I thought I did all the right things - puppy socialisation and training etc. She is well behaved generally, and a lovely dog, but she loves me so much that I feel smoothered by her, if that makes sense.

This is what is getting to me. Firstly, she is extremely hostile to other dogs. Although her tail is wagging, she growls and turns up her lip and I am terrified she will attack the other dog. If I make any sort of fuss of another dog, this aggression is much worse. She barks constantly when other dogs are around and the effect of all this is that I am unable to hold any sort of conversation with other dog walkers or play with their dogs, which tends to destroy the whole point of "walkies". If I meet someone who doesn't have a dog and stop to talk, usually she will whine or bark until I move on. I am always apologising to people about her behaviour.

At home, she follows me around all the time - she is under my feet so much I sometimes trip over her. If I am in one room and move, she is up in a shot, even if I think she is asleep. If I nip outside, say to put something in the bin, she is out before I realise and then I have shut her out and she is barking to come in. She seems to be so on edge about this it makes me feel guilty and also very irritated. I just want her to relax, so everyone else can relax. By the way, she is like this even when she has been walked and fed.

Sometimes, when we are all relaxing in the evening, she sits looking at me and makes this low level whining noise. This is so irritating, it is guaranteed to get her banished to her bed. What does she want? Why is she doing this?

She is not interested in food or toys and she has limited interest in the kids - she just wants to be with me. She is a foot away from me as I type.

She is very rarely left on her own for more than a couple of hours at a time as I have worked largely from home since we had her. I have always fed and walked her.

Does anyone else think this is a problem or do I have unrealistic expectations about dog ownership? Does anyone know how I might alter her behaviour please as I am finding it difficult to love her back at the moment (aggressive with about 5 dogs today)?

Can anyone help please?

It looks on the face of it like some sort of separation anxiety. Whining and barking dogs are maddening! There is masses of information about separation anxiety out there and it is a common problem. Is your dog trainer any help?

When you are out on a walk, who's calling the shots? If you had a child interupting and bossing you around in a conversation, would you give in to them? You need to find a way of making sure your dog understands that you are the one making the executive decisions, not her.

Do you still go to a dog training club? If not, it might be worth looking into. There are a great many ways of solving the problem, most of which will involve you tweaking your behaviour until you get the results you want. Victoria Stilwell hosts a dog chat thing on her website.

YOu will need to look at your own behaviour when your dog seems aggressive. For example, some people will see another dog, pick up their own and run in the other direction. What are they teaching the dog? If the dog has any sense, it will pick up that the owner is afraid of what they have seen, and with reason. So, the owner is teaching the dog to be afraid when another dog hoves into view.

I hope you find a solution that suits you and I expect a more experienced dog person will be along soon!

Hi,

First of all I'm not a dog psychologist and have no qualifications other than training my own dogs but I didn't want your post to go unanswered.

First of all I dont think you have unrealistic ideas about dog ownership, all owners (like all parents ) can have teething troubles so don't take on board all this rubbish about 'it's always the owner's fault'.

There seem to be two issues - firstly the dog aggression and secondly the unwillingness to settle. Just to be on the safe side I would first get her checked by the vet, just to rule out any possible physical discomfort for her which may be exaccerbating the issues.

If all is well, you could start to work on the dog aggression through gradual desensitisation. At first reward her for just being in a field / the other end of the street without reacting to another dog. Dont attempt to get close at this stage, just reward for being at whatever distance she is comfortable with (even if that's half a mile at first). I know you say she's not food orientated but something like some tasty sliced ham or some liver cake (all tiny pieces) should be sufficient (if necessary dont feed her until you've done the training session so she is a little bit more motivated for the treat).

Gradually you should be able to minimize the distance as she associates the presence of other dogs with a tasty treat. Key things: the reward must be something she really wants and enjoys, you must progress it very very gradually - there are no instant results. Expect it to take weeks to months to progress. During this time you do need to be prepared to foregoe your chats with other dog owners as each time you bring her close to other dogs under duress will be a step backwards.

The second issue of her not settling may be insecurity or attention seeking, but essentially she knows that if she moans at you, you will respond. Firstly make sure that you do give her some time when you interact just with her e.g a game, a cuddle, grooming, whatever she enjoys. You then need to train a 'settle'. Perhaps put her on the lead and sit with your foot on it so she can move around comfortably, but not be demanding and back to the ham, reward her whenever she relaxes nicely and doesnt hassle you.

At first it may seem she will never settle, but be quick to reward her for a few seconds good beahviour, then again build up gradually. You could also try popping her behind a stair gate for a few minutes and again rewarding her when she doesnt whinge. You can bring in the command once she starts to get the hang of it.

Only train when you are in the mood as if you're already fed up it wont go well.

Again as you build up, remember to call her to you now and again for a bit of interaction on your terms.

Sorry that was such a mammoth post! Hopefully it might be of some help. The key thing if you got through all that is patience and consistency!

Good luck!!!

Thank you both - that's very helpful.

Silent - No, I don't go to training classes now, but I'll see if there are any in this area (recently moved - but she has always been like this so nothing to do with the move).

I'm not afraid of dogs (perhaps I should be sometimes) so she isn't picking up my fear as such, but I do get anxious when I see other dogs because I am anticipating her reaction, and she may be interpreting this as fear. I'll try to keep that under control.

I like your suggestions, Fuzzy, although it might be a challenge in finding food that she is really keen on. To be honest, I think I might have been withdrawing from her a bit, as I am losing my patience and I can see that this might be making her more anxious. I have been paying her more attention today and she seems more content.

I'll let you know how I get on. Thanks again.