dog or baby..?

[blonderedhead]

Hello there

It's two and a half weeks since we had to have our beloved JRT Freddie PTS. Still not beyond the crying-every-day stage, in fact in some ways it's worse as I keep forgetting he is not here.

In the new year I hope we will start to feel ready to give another dog a home. I want to make sure we leave enough time to mend our hearts a bit and not feel that we are replacing Fred. A friend who got a new cat after hers died never quite bonded with it as she missed her previous one so much and I want to give a future dog all the love it deserves.

However... We have been ttc for the last 6 months. We hope it will happen soon but I am aware that new child plus new dog may not be a good mix. If we rehomed a dog and then I got pregnant soon after, would we run the risk of the dog finding it difficult to have a new addition? However if we had a child first, would we need to wait a good few years before a four-legged addition? Most rescues seem (understandably) unwilling to rehome with children, 8 seems to be the youngest acceptable age I have seen. But the thought of waiting 8 or more years before having a dog in my life again seems too much.

Of course it's an unknown quantity how long (if ever) it will take for me to become pg. And as I said we'd rather not rush into getting a new dog. But I'd like to have straight in my mind how this could potentially work in the future.

Rescue experts and family+dog types, I need your advice please.

We have had dogs since before we were married and now have 4 children as well. Never had a problem mixing puppies, older dogs with babies, toddlers etc. Yes it has been hard work and luckily I am a sahm so dogs get loads of attention, sometimes more than the children!
Good luck with whatever you decide and on ttc

Thanks coccyx, that's good to hear. I know we would work hard at making sure we gave both dogs & babies as much love and attention as we could. I work part-time and my hours are different to DH's so we are in quite a good position to manage it. I guess I am also worried about whether a rescue would be happy to rehome a dog to someone who is either ttc or has a young child.

Btw there are some pictures here of Fred for anyone who is interested. I set the blog up when we were hoping he would get better but sadly had to abandon it. Hope the link works:

www.tumblr.com/blog/mydogfred

Speaking as a rescuer...

Go to a reputable rescue (as DBF is fond of saying, one that gives back up for life) and BE HONEST about the fact you are trying to concieve.

Explain what you can offer the dog and how you have thought through how the dog will fit into a lifestyle with a young child if you were to have a baby. There are hundreds of "family/child friendly dogs" in rescue, who are there through no fault of their own. Some of the larger more well known rescues have a blanket no-child before X age, policy, but many smaller ones (Ones that can be recomended by me or DBF) assess on a case by case basis.

Personally, I wouldn't have a problem (as a rescuer) providing you could PROVE that you'd thought it through carefully. Whatever you do, please, please do not lie to the rescue. All that will happen then is that the dog will suffer - a dog that may not be suitable could end up with you.

i tried to click on link but it asked for a password?

we adopted a dog from dog trust when we were fostering children 3 and above. i was completely honest with them and they were very helpful matching us with a suitable dog. we wanted another female jack russell but ended up with a young male collie x. he has a lovely temperament and is completely soppy with kids.

if i was rehoming a dog now i would be guided by a recommended rescue on here from one of the regular posters involved in rescue

so sorry about your dog

Thanks so much, Tiger and Chicken. I would definitely not lie to the rescue, I suppose I was worried that by the time we feel ready to visit one, it may be too late if I have already got pg. It's reassuring to know that you adopted your dog when you had young children Chicken.

Fred came from Battersea which is obviously a large, well-known rescue. We feel sentimental about it because obviously we visited there quite a lot when we were rehoming Fred and saw how many dogs need homes so would have liked to go back there, but we will definitely look at all the options when the time comes and hopefully be matched with the dog that is right for us (and any future offspring!) through whichever rescue is the most suitable. I'm more than happy to be guided by the experts and am jolly glad to have found this forum on Mumsnet. The support I had when Fred was ill was beyond valuable.

I shouldn't even be looking yet as I know we're not ready but I feel so sad without a dog pottering about.

p.s. Sorry you can't see the pics Chicken. I will add a couple to my profile.

can you make your profile public? would love to see some pics of Freddie

I think that's worked, let me know...

pics are gorgeous. i love jrts, my fave breed

btw i didnt mean to imply you would lie to rescue. i meant i was brutally honest and i think that showed them that i had thought through all the potential problems. at the time we were emergency foster carers so dog would need to be able to cope with lots of people coming and going and different children one week to the next (with the usual supervision from us)

i hope this thread reassures you that you have options. if it was me - and bear in mind i click on the links of dogs needing homes even though i know i will get upset - i would continue to look for dogs and then if you feel time is right you can proceed

Oh thank you Chicken that means a lot!

It was Tiger who stressed the importance of not lying and so I was just reassuring her that we definitely wouldn't.

You are obviously an amazing person to be fostering children as well as rehoming dogs. It must be very hard work as well as being rewarding. Thank you for the support and glad you liked the photos. He was a very handsome chap (and knew it). We only had him for two years, he was estimated as 3-5 but the vet wonders if he may have been older as he was very ill in the last months. Still remember the feeling the first time he came and leaned against me when we met at Battersea. Wasn't sure about a JRT but all other intentions went out the window straight away! He definitely chose us.

What great pictures of Fred.x

what a gorgeous dog, it was a jack russell that owned me through my childhood, always got a soft spot for them.
nothing useful to add.

You could also take a lot longer than you're anticipating to get pregnant - it's taken me 7 years (got some physical issues but the main one appears to have been that hubby's sperm decided they couldn't be arsed and holed up in a corner somewhere reading a book until they died - well that's my theory - the point where he chirpily remarked that for his degree they'd had to play with some mildly radioactive stuff and sign disclaimers they wouldn't sue if it made them sterile was the point I almost throttled him I'll admit)... that's a heck of a long dog-less time potentially.

We've just adopted a 2 year old GS cross and have a 3 year old and 14 week old baby. She was from Many Tears and they thoroughly checked us etc and helped us to find the right dog. They suggested we go for one that had already gone through the puppy stage and that was being fostered with young children already so we could be 100% sure that the dog would be safe. We've not had her long at all but so far she is very soft, gentle and tolerant and loves people. She's not even arsed about the cat and she's never lived with a cat before.

Many tears rehome all over the uk so well worth a look at their website.

We're in a similar situation - not quite the same as it's a second dog we're thinking about! For us I think it's probably best to wait, mostly because I have absolutely no idea about babies, and what it's going to be like having one, how much time I'll have, what I'll be able to manage etc. Once baby is here and we've found our feet a bit, we'll be in a better position to decide. But then there's the issue of finding a rescue willing to consider us with a young child - though apparently it's not impossible.

I might see it differently if I had no dog at all at the moment of course, it makes me sad just to imagine an empty dog-free home :( So sorry to hear about your loss of your dear Freddie. He looks a lovely little chap in your photos, I love the one of him snoozing on the sofa!

We were ttc when we re-homed our dog, even though our local rescue had no suitable dog at the time, they knew of the perfect dog elsewhere. The local rescue did the home check and sort of worked with the other rescue/ foster home. It was a fairly big drive to meet him, but exciting. Although baby isn't due until next month, he is so ridiculously gentle and good with my friends' children and babies and I'm not even slightly worried. In fact, as a scent-hound he has helped me when babysitting by giving immediate notice of a dirty nappy!

Thank you so much for all the positive & supportive comments - think I got into a bit of a panic last night at the thought of a dog-free and baby-free existence unto eternity (as DejaWho says, could be a while before the latter changes).

I am going to try not to look at any rescue sites until the new year (will obviously fail but got to have an aim) and concentrate on mending my and DH's broken hearts. It is such a horrible time.

Got some photos printed out today so I can put them in a frame, was pretty tearful but it will be nice to have our memories there. I also (gasp) got a paw print tattoo. Never had a tattoo before nor felt the desire to but it somehow made sense. I made the appointment a couple of weeks ago so had time to think it through. Lovely dog-loving tattooist lady was very kind and it is rather beautiful. Looks slightly bigger on my skin than on the page (it was done from a photo I took) so still getting used to it but feels good to carry a reminder of Fred.

Quite frankly blonderedhed, any dog who ends up in a home where the previous dog was so loved and the addition of the new dog has been so carefully thought through, will be bloody lucky.

Very best of luck with your search. And as for JRT's - they are the most awesome dogs - I had one for 19 years and still miss her.