Help me enjoy our puppy again.........

[Solo2]

The gorgeous Rollo - golden retriever puppy - has now been with us for about 12 to 13 weeks, since he was 7 weeks old. I knew that having a puppy would mean a big life change for us all and I'm committed to making this work.

However, 3 months on and I'm really struggling - or should I say, STILL really struggling.

I get no more than 5.5 hrs sleep a night (not always because of puppy of course but adding him to my already busy life has meant that any catch up nights are no longer happening and it almost seems as if every night recently either I've been woken by him barking to be let out again (he recently had diarrhoea all night), or by one of the DCs being ill/ having nightmares.

So I'm in a sleep deprived state, although not nearly as bad as when DCs were really small.

But secondly, my DCs are clearly NOT enjoying having a puppy at all. On school days, they really don't see him at all, as I drop them for school at 7.50am and then do the first dog walk and before we leave home, they just don't even interact with the pup/ don't have any time.

When I pick them up from school, I'll already have done walk two with Rollo and the absolute worst, impossible, unendurable hours are between 4.15pm and 9.00pm when DCs need me - for making supper/ supervising homework etc etc but also Rollo needs me to play in the garden with him, as he's napped post-walk 2 and is rearing to go again.

I'm pulled between his needs and DCs needs and no time at all for my own.

DCs are now being more clear that they HATE any time involving the puppy. Every single w/e that they obviosuly have to come along on Rollo's 2 walks, they hate every minute of it. One of them tends to cry and just wants to go home and the other elicits horrible, horrible rows with me. So dog-walking is a complete nightmare rather than a family fun time.

Rollo is now creeping towards the start of adolescence I presume and is much much less likely to do what I say, won't recall if any other dogs/ people/ interesting smells are near and so many 'walks' now involve me pulling him along by his lead and harness. I've completely given up on trying collar and lead walks as there just isn't time to ensure he gets a walk at all but isn't choking himself every step of the way.

Thankfully, owing to this forum, I realise we all have low points in puppy owning and knew that adolescence woule be a hard time. However, having wanted a dog all my life, I'd assumed that my sons - like many children - would at the v least tolerate and rather like Rollo - if not adore him. Clearly, they don't.

He jumps up and bites them in play, if they interact and is at his worst doing this at the times they have available to interact at all - evenings after school. So they don't want to be around him. They do say they love him but this doesn't at all translate into wanting to have him around them, which is understandable as he's no fun for them at all.

I have less time and admittedly less motivation to train every day and I'm just really shattered and getting all the negative sides of puppy owning and none of the good sides.

When you reach this pointm what's the best way to go from here in terms of rejuvenating the joy in having your pup?

Well, things were beginning to look up as our dog trainer has said she CAN now look after Rollo whilst we're on holiday. So we won't have to put him in kennels and it really helped to go to the class again....BUT...

Rollo now has severe diarrhoea again, one week after he was almost fully better. Either it's because of re-starting his training treats like cheese and hotdogs - or because he ate a wild cherry fruit thing today, although he'd restarted diarrhoea a bit before that...

I came home today to a kitchen floor covered all over in dog diarrhoea and him too of course and have spent 2 to 3 hrs cleaning up and had to put him in the playpen in the garden whilst I did this. He barked the entire time. I couldn't feed my v v hungry DCs whilst this was happening and they weren't v happy. I felt v v guilty about the dog, the DCs and even our neighbours who are absolutely awful (been to the police about them in the past for their actions bordering on criminal behaviour!) and I'm sure will now complain about our dog barking

Question: do I now prioritise getting the dog straight out to the garden all night long, in case he starts to assume he can toilet on the kitchen floor from now on? Do I respond immediately to him barking - but this will stop the trainign of NO response to barking? Do I simply stay up the entire night again and just take him out every 30 mins throughout the night, preempting his diarrhoea, before he barks?

I'll have to get him back to the vets tomorrow but also have to work. The trainer was going to have him for the day on Tuesday to give me a much much needed break to catch up on work and domestic tasks and keep erecting the temporary fencing in the garden but obviously now he's ill again, won't be able to....

So where do we go from here? Deep breath...trying to keep calm but as I'm still exhausted chronically, another completely sleepless night followed by a working day and probably mopping up more dog diarrhoea on and off is looking a bit challenging right now!!!!!!

Solo you have my utter sympathy. It's crap when dogs get repeatedly ill because it takes up so much of your time and affects your training if you can't use high-value treats. We've been battling recurrent stomach issues for a year now, which combined with adolescent behaviour issues and a few ongoing problems I just can't crack, can really suck the joy out of dog ownership.

Speak to your vet to prioritise what you can do to help him get over the shits right now. There a canned food called ID, a tube called pro-kaolin, or cut out food for 24 hours - get vets' advice on some tactics so you're not constantly battling a tidal wave of poo.

put him in his crate and put some paper down in a part of the crate. you can not be getting up all night in case the dog needs to go. it is awful that he is poorly but from reading this thread you worry about him far too much, evenings in this house have never involved anything other than toilet trips, the dog amuses herself or goes to slepp snuggled up with us.
I am no expert, my dog is just over a year and I have not had dogs before. She has one or 2 walks a day, probably a five or ten minute training session and sometimes a ten minute play time. the rest of the time she entertains herself, she only goes in the garden to go to the toilet or if i am out there as we have neighbouring access through our garden and I worry that someone will let her out one day.

I tend to train her and play with her whiole I am doing other things, so sometimes when I am typing on here I am throwing a ball with the other hand, sometimes when I am cooking tea I am making her stay, that kind of thing.

One thing I notice about your posts is you are very concious of the time you do everything, is routine very important to you? one tip I was given when I first got cherry that seems to have worked quite well is to never walk her at the same time every day so she soesnt nag for it, I guess this could carry over into other things as well.
What food is he on? (sorry if you have said cant remember).
Anyway hope things get better soon.

I'd second just put him in his crate with paper/puppy pads rather than being up all night. I know he's got the runs, but...I'd be trying to get some sleep even if it was my DC's!

Our puppy is just coming up to 11wks and she sleeps all night in her crate-even did 10pm till 8am last night. We can't walk outside yet, but I give her a walk around the garden (bucking bronco type) morning and afternoon, plus a couple of 10minute training sessions. Otherwise she hangs out, biting plays with the DC's, or sleeps.

We sometimes have to force her to sleep though, putting her into her crate regularly. I never realised that puppies need their sleep managed as much as babies do! Saying that, she's currently snoring so loudly we've had to turn the TV up!

We have many other issues, so am not smug! Just keep posting on here in the new puppies thread when at end of my tether!

Hope all goes well and things improve, and that you can gently wind down his routine so that he fits in with your family rather than you having to fit in around him.

Also, talk to your trainer - they may not be phased by a bit of a dicky tummy.

Oh solo so sorry to hear this. Just when you were getting more positive about things too.
This will pass! Good luck.

We have a Golden who has a very sensitive tummy, could it be that the cheese, frankfurters etc are just too rich? Obviously I know it's only tiny amounts but our dog can have diarrhoea after managing to snaffle only a few leftovers so it may be a factor. We give him plain pasta for 24 hrs, sometimes with plain yogurt mixed in, after a particularly bad spell of the runs.

I would agree that you should put the paper down tonight and try to get yourself some sleep, you sound near breaking point and I'm not surprised.

Gosh no wonder you are knackard!

I have a staffy pup, hes 9 months now. I couldnt/cant afford classes so we train him to do the things he needs to do to fit in our household oursleves. lots of treats and lots of shouting sharp NO. My DH walks him in the evening. Hes crated when i do the school run, the rest of the time he just hangs about the place. He mostly just want to lounge on the sofa with me having a cuddle and a snooze.

Suddenly really appreciate my Reggie, Id have gone nuts long before now so well done with sticking with all your plans. I would tentativly suggest that your expectations of yourself mainly and less so the dog are a little high. Give yourself a break, sit on the floor and let the dog bounce over you a bit. Make it rough and tumble to get the kids to see its not all training and walking (the boring bits!)

Oh poor you, nobody needs a tidal wave of dog runs! It will get better and he may be a bit more subdued if he is feeling unwell.
(I am off to buy a new wooden spoon and iron today both of which have been eaten by Daisy. She has suddenly grown again and discovered she could reach a whole new level of stuff!)

Hi Solo2 - I haven't got any advice but just wanted to say that what you say on here about how you are feeling was exactly the same way that I felt when I had my puppy. I am ashamed to say that I only kept her for just over a week because she made me feel so overwhelmed, anxious and pulled in every direction that I could not cope so made the decision to rehome before my lo's had become too attached. It has become clear to me, since she has gone, that it was me putting myself under so much pressure to be everything to everybody. I felt completely like I had no freedom, time or head space for anyone or anything. I actually felt completely anxious and almost depressed - utterly overwhelmed by it all. I look around at all the other dog/puppy owners where I live and they all seem so happy and chilled. The dogs are wanderig along sniffing and taking in the sights and sounds and the owners appear to be living life as usual. I just could not cope. Simple as. I do hope that you get some peace of mind and perspective back. I am sure you will be able to do this. Put your rational head back on and chill out. I wish I had been able to

DOES ANYONE know what happened withSolo2?

2T2T - dont worry i think Solo will be back when she has time. I hope she will as she has been a regular the last few months

Solo - there are a few of us doghouse regulars with kids on the spectrum. feel free to vent any time

Solo, you've been given some excellent advice on this thread and I hope Rollo is better.

I just wanted to say give yourself a break, you are trying too hard to keep everyone else happy. My first dog was over excitable, jumpy and nippy and at times I felt really guilty about inflicting her on my kids. But things do get better, (she's still over excitable and a bit jumpy but she has really good bite inhibition! ) and is much more trustworthy around little kids than my other 2 who were far easier puppies.

Also I think that kids brought up with dogs often seem to turn out nicer and my theory is that one of the reasons is that they have to learn that the world doesn't revolve around them. So don't feel guilty! It takes time but the dog and the kids just have to learn that they are not the centre of the universe. Good luck!

Thank you again everyone. Rollo has had another trip to the vets and is on a hypersensitive food for a bit and is obviously already getting better. He's lost a lot of weight from what I can see bu the vet just said he was nice and lean! Only one poo since the diarrhoea stopped yesterday and this is slightly more normal (TMI!!!)

He hasn't had any more accidents in the house and I'm trying to distinguish between a bark that means - I need to toilet NOW! and one that means - I'm lonely, come and play.

This has all coincided with me having agonising toothache and root canal work due tomorrow, whilst also still working/ looking after DCs....

I can totally understand people who just can't carry on with the stress of a puppy, ItsMyTurn. You're v brave to admit this. If I were at a different time in my life, with younger DCs, I couldn't be doing this at all! However, I'bve waited my entire life for a dog and I'm determined to make this work and everyone keeps telling me that by the time he's 2, he'll be lovely, although of course he's still lovely now too!

It really, really heped to hear that I can give less input to Rollo and he'll be fine. I've been worrying that I MUST spend vast amounts of time with him, interacting/ playing and training. In fact, certainly since he's been ill again, he seems fine with shorter play in the garden and more rest/ sleep.

He's back on short walks today and everyone he meets, he wants to greet and as most are dog walkers/ owners, there's mutual revelling in his puppyness and he flops down at their feet, rolls onot his back and looks cute! I'm standing there, remembering the diarrhoea and the sleepless nights and how even today, he's bitten me - in play - thinking, "If only you knew!" But it's like have babies all over again, where it's imporrible much of the time and yet when you're out and about and people coo over them you feel proud!

One thing I'm planning to do is let his lovely trainer look after him for some more days across the summer holidays, so I can recuperate, even when we're not away. I need to catch up on sleep and he'll benefit from being with someone who's a lot calmer than I am and a qualified trainer too!

I feel less guilty about this now as I know if I get a bit of a break every so often, then I'll be a better dog owner when I'm with him. The DCs need some attention too and we need to find a way of stopping saying, "Remember when we could xyz, BEFORE we got Rollo...." Poor Rollo!

Hopefully he's already settled for the night now. My absolute ideal night form him is 9.30pm till 5.30pm which are more or less my own hrs of bed, pre-dog.

Don't know what I'd do without this forum! It helps so much to get people's ideas and support and to preempt the next stages - the pending teeneage years that have begun to emerge already

Sorry. Loads of typos as I'm exhausted! Meant 9.30pm till 5.30a, and meant "impossible" not "imporrible", though that's not a bad combination of impossible and horrible and quite apt!

dont worry Solo - yo udid good! and we all got the message well done . Really feel you have turned a corner. Reall y really feel quite proud of you! xx