I still feel so guilty...... (long post, sorry)

[Zakinthos]

Two years ago we rescued a Jack Russell - 3 year old boy He was advertised as being fine to go with children over 5 years, having come from a family with 4 children. Apparently he was brought in by a family friend who had looked after him for a week before bringing him in. He was therefore unable to answer all the rescue?s questions but he said that the family wanted to rehome him as he was fighting with their other dogs and they had banished him to the garden. Anyway, he was lovely - very good with the children and never barked at the doorbell. He welcomed everyone who came into the house and wasn't territorial at all. He had separation anxiety and after a few weeks we realised he was unpredictable with other dogs, especially puppies. I started training classes with him (as he knew no commands at all) and his separation anxiety improved. However, he started acting strangely on the odd occasion. My DH was stroking him once when the dog had jumped on his lap, and he suddenly snapped at DH, for no reason. Another time, we were trying to get him to go in the garden last thing at night and he snapped again. I decided to get the advice of a dog behaviourist (well known in my area) who advised that he was being dominant and gave us various things to do to 'lower his dominance', such as squirting him in the face with water if he showed any growling at another dog, never allowing him on the sofa/lap/bed, etc. I was a novice dog owner and believed she knew what she was talking about, even though I did not feel comfortable about the water squirting. His aggression to other dogs did not improve really - he became more unpredictable as he would not growl in warning anymore (could water have taught him not to growl?). One day he bit a puppy's nose (large puppy) and would not let go for a few seconds (no blood though). He seemed to be worse with very submissive dogs but got on fine with dogs he was introduced to gradually, such as friend?s dogs. Anyway, we carried on going to the training classes (had swapped to the classes that the behaviourist had recommended) and he became very good at ignoring all the dogs in the class and focusing on me. One day at home my daughter (8 yrs) suddenly shouted out 'T....tried to bite me' and she was in hysterics. I thought she was over-reacting, thought maybe the dog had got over-excited. A few weeks later, my DD was just stroking T when I was in the same room right next to them. T suddenly jumped up, with no warning, and bit her on the face (lips and under nose) - blood everywhere and screaming daughter. We were so shocked. DD loved the dog and even with blood streaming down her face was trying to say that he didn't mean it. I knew I couldn't risk this happening again. Even though I was in the same room as DD it was too quick to prevent as he gave no warning. I phoned the rescue place up and told them what had happened and said we would have to return him. They said they would take him back but would have to put him to sleep, in view of the fact that he had bitten a child's face, with no warning and no provocation. At the time I did not know of any 'no kill rescue sites' and they told me that other rescues would say the same thing. I phoned another and they did indeed say the same thing. I phoned up my vet to ask his opinion and he thought that it would be best to put him to sleep. He said he had probably bitten before (possibly why he was rehomed) and he thought he would be likely to bite again. He is a great vet so I did take his advice in the end and had T put to sleep. No doubt I will be slated over this action as I have been a lurker on the doghouse for some time now. It was the worst day of my life and I still regret it and wonder if I could have done something different with him to prevent it. His eyesight was poor (vet said no vision in one eye and poor vision in the other eye) and I wonder if that was a factor at all. Or could it have been a brain tumour of something? I have a new dog now (had from a puppy and has been a model dog) but I still think of T every day and feel terrible that I had to have him PTS. I know it is too late but do you think it was the water squirting that made him aggressive or maybe it was just his experience in his previous home? I wonder if he was jealous as well of my DD - he hated her sitting on my lap and always wanted to sit on my lap too.
Just wanted to get this off my chest really, I suppose a lot of you will say I am a terrible person and if I knew then what I do now, I would have rehomed him to a no kill rescue at the very least. I know the dominance theory is out dated now so I presume the advice I was given was incorrect in that respect.
Thank you for reading this. If anyone else has had a similar experience it would be good to hear your feelings. And if anyone is thinking of the pts option, don't do it. I regret it everyday and wish that I could have found another solution.

Just wanted to post & say that it sounds like you did what you thought was best in a very difficult situation

I think you should go easy on yourself, and try to put these regrets behind you.

I've been equally slated for my no kill, dog matters attitude, called dog-centric as an insult and taken it as a compliment and thanked and praised for my help or advice. I have the feeling that some people here will be expecting me to slate you.

They'll wait a bloody long time!

YOU did nothing wrong, you poor soul. You went to rescue responsibly and in good faith, you took their (awful, wicked advice), believing them to be the professionals, you consulted trainers... you and your dog were let down. This is why I implore people to go to no-kill rescue, so that should they not be able to keep the dog for WHATEVER reason, the rescue will take the dog back and keep him safe, rehabilitating where they can (and 99% of the time it IS possible IME albeit that the rescue needs to reconsider where the dog goes once rehabilitated) or offering lifelong sanctuary where this is not possible.

But you did all you could. Yes, sure, had you read my rants about no kill rescue things could have been different but hindsight is a wonderful thing isn't it?

I would agree that your boy's eyesight was probably a major factor in the events and AFAIAC any fool in rescue should have been able to identify that. i'm disgusted with the one you adopted from which didn't and with your vet but that is NOT YOUR FAULT. Christ, I went to the docs and was diagnosed with cancer... they told me what they would do to make me better and because they are professionals in the field I believed them and (for once!) did as I was told. Thats what we do when we are faced with problems and we consult those in positions of trust. There but for the grace of god go I.

You have a family friend to comfort you now and sad as it is, as much as none of us can change what happened some good has come out of a heartwrenching experience. Not only have you found that there is another way, you have been kind enough to come onto the net and tell the world that there is an alternative to putting to sleep a dog like your boy, to give others in a similar position alternatives and to allow me, as someone who works alongside decent no kill rescues, to confirm that this is the case. Your story, and your poor little Jackie, will hopefully save other dogs' lives. Thank you.

Lastly, bless your hearts for not turning your back on all dogs as a result of your sad situation and please credit yourself for raising a dear daughter who despite her own frightening experience is willing to open her own heart to another dog. I hope that they continue to have a very happy time together.

Think of what you did do for your dog. You gave him a second chance when he'd already been dumped into rescue, you gave him a happy home to live in, you tried to help him, when many would have sent him back, and when it came to it, you took the responsibility of having him PTS rather than let him face the same end but among strangers. Of course with the benefit of hindsight we'd all do things differently, but you did what you thought was best with the advice you had, and that's all any of us can do.

It seems that you did what you thought was best to help your dog. You sought advice from a behaviourist, took your dog to training classes, spoke to the rescue you got your dog from and spoke to your vet. Very sadly, the advice you were given was a load of total shite, but that is not your fault. Most people trust the advice of behaviourists/trainers and vets and believe they must know what they are talking about.

I don't doubt that the dog's eyesight was a part of the problem, I also don't doubt that the advice the behaviourist gave you (which was appalling by the way!) made the dog's behaviour a lot worse and made him more fearful and more likely to bite. Hopefully at least some good may come out of this in that people will read your post and it might make people aware of how using dominance/pack theory and aversives (eg. a water bottle) in training can damage a dog and put humans in danger.

Please don't feel guilty, you did what you could and what you thought was best at the time. It also seems you are armed with the knowledge to prevent anything remotely similar happening in the future.

Thanks you so everyone. I am typing this with tears rolling down my face. I have felt so guilty ever since and I can't talk to anyone about it as DH thinks I have got over it. Valhalla - you don't know what your post means to me, thank you so much. I didn't know mumsnet/the doghouse existed when I had my little jack russell unfortunately, otherwise I would have been much better informed. I think I was naive as I had never heard of no kill rescues either. We had to tell the children that he was taken back to the rescue as I didn't want my daughter blaming herself for his death, and as a result I just said that to everyone I knew as I didn't want conflicting stories getting back to my children, so I feel I have bottled it all up inside me for the past 2 years. I hardly dared look this morning at the responses, so I am just so grateful that you all understand that I did what I thought was best. I can never get the image out of my head though of my last few minutes with T, and his last walk will stay with me forever. Hopefully, now I can start to forrgive myself a bit though thanks to all of you. I love my new little dog to bits and she and my daughter are devoted to each other, so I will try to move on. Thank you so much again.

Zakinthos I just wanted to add my voice to everybody else.

You did everything right. You were let down by those who should have helped.
You used a behaviourist and training classes and then phoned two rescues and your vet to try to 'save' him.

I know people irl who have had dogs PTS without doing any of those things.

Sorry you're beating yourself up. But hopefully this thread will help you to get over the experience v

Must have been awful for you seeing your dd being bitten too.

Thank you KD0706 - much appreciated.

Any dog who bites a child-well anyone really but especially a child- needs this drastic action. I'll probably be flamed and do you know what - I don't care.
Zankithos you did the right thing.If this little dog had been rehomed,even to an adult only home, there is no guarentee he would not be near children.
If he had gone on to bite again,your guilt would be unsurmountable.
Glad your DD is okay with you other dog and hope she is okay.

You can't change what happened and it must have been a hard 2 years living with the guilt that you did something wrong. You didn't do anything wrong, you followed advice given to you by professionals which most if not all of us would follow.

I am in tears for you having to put on a brave face pretending to have come to terms with T not being here anymore. I know that feeling very well
Be kind to yourself, remember the good times you had with T and remember that you did not do anything wrong. You did all you could to help him, but sadly were given bad advice which you can't be blamed for.

Enjoy your new dog x

Thank you kid (and Lordoftheflies). I still wish I could turn the clock back and maybe trusted my own feelings that squirting water in my dogs face did not feel right (I was told by the behaviourist that he was still going for other dogs because I wasn't squirting the water forcefully enough in his face). It seems silly now that I believed her, but she seemed so confident that if I followed all her advice, the problem would be solved. It obviously made him more fearful but that didn't occur to me at the time.
But, I must move on.... Seeing everyones supportive posts has made a big difference, and my new dog is lovely. Very docile and laid back, and curled up on the sofa right beside me, snoring! Many thanks again everyone :)