I think it's almost time

[laraeo]

Our mostly Doxie is about 15 - 16 (he was a rescue). He's been all over the US with us as well as Australia & the UK. We moved back to the US last year and recently moved to a different house. He used to take moves in stride, not now. For the past couple years he's been steadily declining. Almost blind, heart murmer, not keen on walks - and this was a dog who in his prime would easily walk 3 miles, chase squirrels & rabbits and want more exercise - and been sleeping more and more - in the range of 20 hours a day. The other day, I actually rousted him out of his bed at 4:30pm because I hadn't seen him up all day (although DS who's 3 claimed he was up while I was in the shower). He can't find his dog door - he knows where it is when he's in the same room but often he can't figure out what room to go to which means he's been doing all his business in the house. He's gotten "stuck" in different places and refused to move - behind the toilet , between pieces of furniture, etc. He's also pretty deaf (although he always had selective hearing) and refuses to try to go upstairs (I don't think he's arthritic, just can't see well enough to do it). The few times I've taken him upstairs, he's tried to bite, wriggled out of my arms and fell half a flight down. When I took him for vaccinations a few weeks ago, he tried to bite the vet tech and he's never, ever done that before.

Thing is, my DH loves the dog. And DH is working overseas and won't be back until Spring 2012. The last time we were in this situation, it was with our beagle who had cancer and would not have survived a month quarantine in Australia. DH understood and accepted that. I just don't know how to broach the subject this time with DH. The other thing that's getting to me is that DS really, really wants to play with the dog. He's waggle the dog's toy in front of him try to get him to follow outside and the dog just wants no part of it.

So how do you know when it's time?

I think you take a long look at the quality of life your dog has and decide if you are keeping him going for him or for you / your DH. If your DH were with you now, would that change your thinking?
Horrible situation to be in. He sounds like he's been a great friend to you all over the years.

Has a vet checked him over?
When my dear old dog was slowing up and everyday routine and enjoyment were becoming a struggle, I could see in his eyes that he was ready to say good bye

Yes, the vet checked him over a bit when I took him in for shots but I don't really like the vet and there isn't another one in the area (we're fairly rural right now).

I know it's about quality of life I am thinking it may be time. Nun, you're right. I'm more stressed about how DH will take it than anything else. And where he is right now, I don't want him to have any added stress about us back home, IYSWIM. I just don't know if DH sees how the dog is aging. And really, this last move really has affected him so much more than I thought it would.

The dog has been my constant companion (at least until DS came along) and we take dog ownership seriously (hence our very well travelled dog). It's just eating me up because with the beagle, it was obvious she was declining and the cancer wasn't treatable. I just made sure she had the best of everything up until the end. And I was able to take her for one last "special walk". With the doxie, I'm afraid he won't want a "special walk" or anything else. Perhaps some chicken or steak. And taking him to the vet is so stressful, that I'll have to see if I can get someone to come to the house when the time comes which will be especially difficult for me - I couldn't face going back with the beagle when the time came but everyone at our old vet's office knew both of us so well, I wasn't worried about her being left alone. The last thing I'd want is for his last moments to be panicky.

I'm sorry this is so rambling.

A couple of things. Firstly, this must be very painful for you. I'd suggest calling your vet and asking for a consult, perhaps as the last appt of the day, so things are quiet at the surgery. Go to the surgery, and have a long and realistic chat about your dog and his quality of life. Your vet will be able to advise in more detail. Then, when the time comes, ask the vet to come to your home to PTS - in this way your dear old friend will be in their own home, and very peaceful right up to the end, and you are spared the trauma of coming back from the vets with an empty car, and trying to drive in floods of tears.

The other advantage of this is that by separating the decision and the action, even by a day, it gives you a chance to have a discussion with your DS about your dog and what is going to happen to him. For your DH, if he really loves the dog, then he would never,ever want to see it suffer unnecessarily and I'm sure he'd be happier knowing that he slipped away peacefully at home surrounded by his loving family than dragging things out miserably. Part of being a husband away is that he leaves the running of the home/family to you - and that includes those really difficult decisions and choices. You don't say how much you can discuss with DH via phone/Skype etc - if you can, then he needs to be being prepared, as by the sound of it, your dog is unlikely to last until next spring, and keeping him going to get to an arbitrary date sounds horrible.

In the meantime, please insist your DS does not hassle the old boy. In the same way, he wouldn't ask his elderly frail great grandmother to give him a piggy back he needs to understand that he must leave the dog alone and respect his space/let him sleep/rest.

It's because you take your dog ownership so seriously that this is going to be so hard, but you also know it is so important. For the sake of the fifteen years of happiness he's given you, give him the blessing of a peaceful, dignified and comfortable departure. His death is going to break your heart but at least you will have the great consolation of being brave and responsible and knowing you did it at the right time for him, in the right place. He can't ask for more than that, and neither can your husband. And it might not feel like it right now, but it's also modelling brave and responsible dog ownership for your son.

Hugs.