Tell me it gets easier! (New puppy blues)

[Solo2]

Not even had him for two weeks yet - this gorgeous bundle of golden retriever - and I'm overwhelmed! I love him and I've wanted a dog all my life - but it's infinitely hard work with little reward yet and of course he's only a baby....but my twins (aged 9) are more and more resentful of any time taken up with him, are now barely interacting with him as he's nipping and growling and leaping up. I'm literally rushing from puppy to domestic tasks, to work, to children, to puppy to work to children to puppy...from 5am till 9.30pm.

I've lost all 'down-time' -which was minimal anyway as a single mum with twins and running my own business singlehandedly fulltime. Because we got him earlier than expected, it was harder to arrange time completely without work committments - although I've literally done no more than two hrs a day since Rollo arrived (work from home). My twins are about to start 4 weeks Easter holiday and I'm already worried that they'll be even more resentful of my time with the puppy.

They're upset that we can't do long day trips out because of the puppy, that we can't relax together as a family - because of the puppy - and when they try to play with him, he gets hyper excited, jumps up and bites and growls.

I'm now thinking I should have waited till my sons had left home - although by that time, I'd probably be too old to walk an energetic dog!

What I really need to hear right now is that other people have been through this - and out the other side - that it gets easier. I need to hear WHEN it gets easier. I need to know if there's anything I'm not doing that I should be doing and anything I'm doing that I shouldn't be doing. From what I've heard, Rollo is actually being a very easy puppy as well, so I feel even more inadequate!

Life revolves around taking him into the garden, playing with him, cleaning up his mess (albeit only 3 to 4 poos a day), training him, attending to him - in every single spare moment - yet I already feel guilty that I can't be there for him ALL the time. Realistically, how much direct input does a puppy need? Can anyone else give me a summary of their typical day with a puppy around the same age and older (currently 8 weeks and 4 days)?

Have just had a one hr work meeting and will now dash down to do puppy time but then MUST go to bank and food shop and do school run - all within a 1 hr slot - and then rush home again to puppy and then do twins' supper and then puppy and twins' snack and then puppy and sort twins' fights - and then puppy - and twins' bedtime routine and then puppy and then fall exhausted into bed. So I'm not really able to enjoy Rollo and beginning to have worrying doubts....

First of all YOU ARE DOING BRILLIANTLY.

Really you are.

All this super human effort you are putting in is going to pay off big time when you have a beautiful, calm, chilled adult dog who everyone admires.

I have a fair bit of dog experience and my current puppy is not my first dog, but there were times I though me and him would never get there, he is now 10 months old and draped around my 3 yo dd on a rug while they watch Peppa Pig together.

I think the early bit of raising a puppy is way harder than any new owner expects (if you do it right) and like a baby there is no way of knowing until you do it.

Repeat the mn mantra 'this too will pass' and before you know it you will have a completely different dog on your hands.

It will get better - honest! We got our new puppy in January and I found it very tough going for the first few weeks. Like your DC, my children found it difficult to bond with a puppy who nipped whenever they tried to stroke her. DS(8) even said that he wished we had never got her and could we take her back . Roll on 2 months and the nipping has disappeared, the jumping has stopped and my DC are really enjoying playing with our now 5 mos. old collie. Hang in there and keep training - puppy and DC. It sounds like you are doing a great job already!

Oh yes, it's hard work! I'd had dogs/puppies before but when I got my current dog after a long break, I'd forgotten just HOW much hard work it is; especially, as WTWTW said, if you're doing it right.

It will get better though.

When you say "3 - 4 poos a day" did you mean accidents or in total? Either way it's quite a lot; what food is he on?

Solo2 - it is very hard work to start with. It gets better within a few weeks, honestly. At least Rollo is sleeping well. You should re-read the last new puppy thread here. You will see that various people were in the same boat as you. You might pick up some tips and, if nothing else, you will be able to say, "At least our pup is not doing THAT!"

It does get better, but having a new puppy is sort of like having a baby all over again. The puppy (like a baby) demands and needs lots of attention and this will reap you rewards later in the dogs life. If you are doing it right I promise you that!

Is there any way you can involve the twins in the dogs day to day care, help with feeding, taking to the loo, training - while being calm? Both of my children help with doggy things, supervised by an adult, but it makes them feel like part of all the 'boring' things.

Are you going to puppy classes/socialising yet? That will help too.

Sounds likeyou are doing a fantastic job.

Hi Solo,
It does get easier, we got a puppy in Jan who is now 5 months. My dds went through a resentful phase when I seemed to be constantly saying that we couldn't do xyz because of the puppy. He is stil a bit nippy but we are working on that and the girls are starting to enjoy him again, especially as he now gives dd1 the "cuddles" she had pictured in her head. Having said that they have both stopped getting up in the morning to join me on the before school walk, surprise surprise! I still have the odd "What have I done?" moment and I'm sure once he hits the "teenage years" I will be tearing my hair out again. I will have to show DH this though, it makes me chuckle...he hasn't forgiven me for not getting a Retriever and throws it in my face every time the puppy does something puppyish

Solo2 I promise it gets better and it will get better soon as well. When he has had his jabs and you can begin (albiet restricted) exercise it is sooo much easier to work things out.

I do think though that you are trying way to hard. - It will not hurt the puppy to learn that he has to chill and there are times when the puppy must wait for attention from you.

Think in a while you will be able to go for a lovely relaxing walk in the morning and then you will have a big lump of a goldie sitting in your meetings snoring away.

Your boys attitude does sound a bit harder to deal with though - not sure how I would deal with that but I guess they two will need to learn that Mum cannot always do things right away for them (feel free to totally ignore any comments I make I DC's still learning myself with my lot!)

Cut yourself some slack - the puppy will not come to any harm if you leave him with a chew bone in his crate from time to time - if he whines a bit no problem.

You sound like a very caring and thoughtful and committed Mum and owner - make sure you DO look after yourself as well as you are looking after the others.

Thanks you. Thanks you. All the things I need to hear right now. I think I'm doing all over again the guilt I felt as a single mum of twins - where all my ideas of how it'd be -the quiet bonding...teaching them to play the piano and read...arts and crafts etc - went out the window as they didn't sleep through the night till they were 5 yrs old and life was one long blur of just barely coping...Think I'm getting into this all over again with Rollo!

We actually had a better after school time today as the twins both came out into the garden and DS1 (the keener one) played with Rollo for quite a bit and managed his nipping bu always having a toy there to thrust towards the open jaws! DS2 (with Asperger's traits) gets cross when Rollo won't immediately do what he wants him to do but hopefully with loads of training, Rollo will start to follow commands on cue.

Rollo wasn't so hyper tonight - which helped - and only at the end of the play session got that way - growling and showing the whites of his eyes as he 'attacked' his soft toy squeaky duck, rolling around in ecstasy and then leaping up and pouncing again...digging frantically in the earth and rolling around in it. By that time the twins had drifted away anyway.

Tomorrow the trainer comes for a second session specifically to involve my sons - so I'm hoping this'll help too. I'm desperately trying to join a puppy socialisation class on Monday - which I only just found out was for puppies who've only had their first vaccinations. But the person running it hasn't got back to me despite 2 phone messages and giving my email address - via the vest - who are the go-between (it's run from the vets). If we can't start this Monday we'll be hit with loads of Bank Hol Mondays and one Monday when we can't go anyway. So I really want to start it asap.

The one-to-one trainer runs a class too but not starting till May 9th and another class -which might be difficult to get to on time and is further away - starts in mid April. The person who runs this, though, told me on the phone that she was totally against puppies having one-to-one sessions at all, so I felt a bit put off. Why would someone be against this?

Re. Rollo's poos - it's possibly about 3 a day actually but occasionally 4 - usually nicely formed ones . He hans't had any 'accidents - and these are all at times you'd expect outside - first thing in the morning, around lunchtime and teatime and sometimes last thing at night. He eats RoyalCanin 29 Junior Golden Retriever kibble slightly soaked to soften them a bit and with a tiny bit of grated cheese on top to stimulate his appetite (as the breeder suggested).

The twins are very averse to helping in any way and I always feed/ water and clean their cats' litter tray myself. They never seem to be around or available when I'm feeding Rollo. I can try to involve them a bit more though.

Yes, I'm looking forward to long (eventually) walks with Rollo - although he's terrible on a lead at the moment (much more accepting of his harness and trailing long lead) and the command "Drop" (ie the lead when he's got his collar and lead on) has to be repeated every time I've finished the last "Drop", click/ treat. So I can't envisage a time when he'll walk nicely yet - but hopefully this will come.

BTW, when he has a 'wild time' in the evenings, rushing around frantically - is this to be allowed/ encouraged - so he works off steam - or is it a sign he's over tired and needs to calm down (like my DCS!)?

Thanks again for the encouragement. I'll check out the other New Puppy thread when I get a moment (I followed it first time but not nearly with as much desperate need as now!)

I think you are doing really well, we have a pup (3 months) and it's HARD work!

2nd the idea about crating him with a bone to chew so you can get some down time.. WRT dc, it sounds similar to the sort of reaction children often have to a new sibling. I am sur they will soon adjust & start to enjoy having a dog :)

Just to repeat again you are doing fab.

Rollo sounds like a perfectly normal puppy full of energy.

Most puppies seem to have a mad evening bit, mine (who is a whippet) used to do the wall of death round the living room, which had to be seen to believed, we just used to let him get on with it, but also tried to distract him into playing with us, tug, hiddy, fetch etc.

I wonder if the person with the classes has the wrong end of the stick? I wouldn't want to see someone train a puppy with just one-to-one as socailization is so important (far more so than any teaching) at this age, but that is not what you are doing which should be clear seeing as you are looking for classes.

Poos sound fine, you normally expect roughly as many poos as meals. Personally I would take him off the Royal Canin once you run out, it isn't something I would feed. There is a good website here reviewing food, though it doesn't include some of the smaller excellent companies like Fish4Dogs, Laughing Dog, Barking Heads etc, all of which I would recomend, though imo the best (and probably cheapest) way to feed him would be raw, just something to consider, diet has a large influence on behaviour.

Keep up the good work.

It gets easier! We got our lovely Lola in August last year at 9 weeks - had me in a state of shock/purdah for first 4 weeks or so - god did it feel longer! With DD who had longed for a puppy all her life frightened to approach because of the killer launch at ankles! I went around with crepe bandages around my calves, and DB suggested shin pads... There's more - wrecked furniture, getting up in the middle of the night etc etc - but you know. Very very full on.

Now 9 months, she is a different creature. It gets better and better. Now calmly lies in her basket dozing, goes out in the garden unsupervised, races around ecstatically on walks but (almost) always comes when she's called, it's such fun! Never ever nips, they just grow out of that. DD adores her and has lots of responsibility for her.

Minimu has some good points to make. Wondering if you have a crate? This is a life saver in the early days. Daytime too, when things are a bit out of control, often the puppy is tired and needs to chill. Into the crate. You have a glass of wine. Look at other threads on this - there's LOTS of advice.

You'll be fine!

I remember when we got our first puppy after a long break. The very first day we had her home I had a tummy bug and was being sick frequently. Every time I turned my back to go to the loo she wee'd on the carpet and then she had a poo and while I was clearing that up she wee'd everywhere again. (I remember thinking 'need to go out every hour my arse!' ) I also had a baby at the time and rang my DH several times that day to try ordering him to come home and rescue me, I was in tears, just the smell of the puppy made me feel even more sick. Of course, he couldn't come home and it got better. Obviously, as these days I find puppies a walk in the park, even a whole herd of them!

I agree that some quiet time for puppy in the crate is a good idea. It helps teach your puppy to spend time alone without relying on you to amuse/occupy him all the time and also means you get some 'down' time. It might also help with toilet training as it means you can have periods where you don't have to watch him like a hawk as he's extremely unlikely to 'go' in his bed. Young puppies also need a lot of sleep and if he is out all the time, he may get over stimulated and therefore more hyper.

I am quite strict with my DC and puppies. I only let them have supervised access to each other and the DC know that if puppy nips/bites they must stand up, turn their backs and fold their arms, only giving the puppy attention if has it's bum on the floor and keeps it's teeth to itself. If they defer from this arrangement I can then bark orders at them to 'stand and fold your arms' if they do not. I would certainly breif your boy son how to behave around the pup and be strict about it. I have friends who do not and end up with nasty, bitey older pups who do not know how to behave. In fact, the only pup we have bred that has ever come back was in a household where the DC were allowed unsupervised and fre access to the puppy and she was out of control when she came back. I wouldn't have wanted her if I was them by then either! (she's an angel now btw!)

Have you got any friends with vaccinated, well socialised dogs? If so, it's safe for them to visit you and the pup for play time and will help teach the pup bite inhibition and help tire him out too.

It sounds like you're doing a great job, just relax a little. Getting a puppy is like having your first baby. Everyone tels you what it will be like, you research like mad and you think you know what to expect and how hard it could be, but nothing can prepare you for having a puppy except having a puppy.

Just to say, I think you are doing really really well.Having a new puppy is VERY hard work, especially if you are doing it all on your own. It does get easier, and once you can exercise Rollo you will be able to have much more fun as a family.Even though your boys are not too keen on the pup now .....the nippy stage can be very irritating and painful,you can be sure that Rollo will fall in love with your boys. I have had Golden retrievers for over 25 years( or rather they have had me ! )IMO they are one of the best breeds you could have with children. Hang on in there I am sure it will be one big love festival soon! Xxx
!

Thanks - and a special thanks, publicly, to Midori - who led us to Rollo's breeder - via the first recommended breeder (who's matings didn't work out) and on to Rollo (related to the first breeder's dogs in any case)

Midori - that sounds infinitely harder than what I'm going through - so I know I can do this! We had a better day today and yesterday. The trainer came out and helped DCs to train Rollo and this has made them interact with him more. She also said not to substitute flesh/ clothes with a toy but to firmly teach "Drop" and if Rollo is still hyper and nippy, take time away from him/ don't give him attention.

"Drop" is his least favourite command but today there were small glimmers of signs that he realises he has to "Sit" and not mouth when petted by the DCs. In fact today, they were running round the garden, calling out to each other and playing vigorously - the DCs - not the puppy - whilst Rollo was having huge fun on his own nearby attacking a plastic watering-can.

This felt good that he could play alone whilst loud and fast children play alongside. I've also started to teach him "Down" and he's getting this one quickly -although only yet when he's quiet and focused.

He does have - and loves - his crate. He slept tons after training yesterday. Poor thing today I think was pushed too far with new experiences - as we took him out in the car (he's still not used to car travel), to a noisier area of town and got out and I walked with him in my arms and held him on my lap on a bench and then we returned to the car (he's incredibly heavy now!) and I drove to a local shop to buy the DCs lunch, leaving them with him in the car....but on the way home, Rollo was sikc for the first time. It was either all too much - the car travel plus the town - or the heat earlier today - or possibly the fact that I h=gave him another lot of worming tablets today.

He slept lots after that and has been fine since.

Shineon....DCs are now having to do marginally more for themselves and don't like it but I'm finding it easier to be more firm with them as the fur-baby needs me!

Still pretty exhausted but eveyone here - plus the trainer - has reassured me and told me not to do so much. This plus the DCs interacting more / tolerating him more - is helping - although I'd LOVE one full day and night off-duty!

Starting a puppy socialisation class tomorrow night - it's better than nothing - the soonest we could find - but many things I totally disagree with about the person who runs it - regarding her beliefs about puppies. She's totally against clicker training, has forbidden me to bring our clicker and has said when I get used to her methods, I'll probably see they work better. She asked me why I wanted to clicker train and I mentioned all the recent research on this about how it more clearly 'marks' a behaviour but she diasagrees. My one-to-one trainer has warned me that they use old-fashioned methods at that school - not the very worst ones but definitely coming froma dated approach about showing the dog who's boss.

I'm only going so Rollo can meet other puppies and we may only try it once (it's very late at night for my DCs and also Rollo and I!). If it's terrible, we'll not go back but the one-to-one trainer and another trainign course which are better (clicker/ positive training based) don't start for a few more weeks yet.

My trainer said she couldn't say officially that it's OK for us to have round another dog - used to pups - who's been vaccinated - as there's still a risk to our pup - but she said she's always done this. Any vets here who could comment? We know some people with dogs but not sure how well used to pups they are (and some aren't 'trained' - just basically friendly but a bit 'mad')

puppies=shit. Literally

however, as others have said, it gets easier/better the bigger they get- same as twins, really! Then, when they're all big and lovely, the main problem is that you forget how awful it all was, and two years later, you get another one...