Help with keeping dog!

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Hello

I need help! I got Coco (a beagle) a year ago and then found out I was pregnant - I didn't want to give her up and for 9 months we were extreemly happy, she curled up with me for my afternoon naps and we based a lot of what we did around her - living nearly a heath and large woods and several pubs that allowed dogs made that easy. Now DS is here (4 months old) and whilst the really hard times have hopefully passed I still find juggling a baby and Coco so difficult. DH lets Coco out first thing before he goes to work and then I come down with DS and play with him - coco usually snoozes or looks out the window (waiting for a dog walker who takes her every week day) then she sleeps on and off but when I am playing with the baby on his mat she tries to almost sit on my lap and get attention. I feel so guilty towards Coco all the time. I go to 3 baby clubs a week and like to stay afterwards for a coffee (they start at 9.45 but walk there so leave at 8.45 - back home for 2) and DS needs attention so she doesn't really get played with then - after DS goes to bed its her time and she sits with me or we play with her and walk her until our bedtime around 10.30 - but is this enough (I don't think it is for her as she always seems to be desperate for attention) We have moved nearer to our family and whilst we are near a big park we don't have any pubs to take her to now so find staying in hard at weekends. I don't want DS to nap in pram too much so only take them on walks together on the days I'm not at clubs - and the days I'm not at clubs I have family/friends to see. I can't afford the dog walker every day now and don't really know what to do - I keep thinking about asking the breeder we got her from (who has her for holidays) if she will have her back but we do love her so much and will miss her if she goes - I keep thinking next year will be different as I'll take her to the park with DS etc perhaps do less clubs as DS will be able to do more but I'm not sure how it will work out and wondered what other people do? advice really wanted. - thanks

Oh also she is rolling in foxes poo on a daily basis and needing a bath which is a big faff too. yesterday I went to a friends house that has moved an hour and half away and came back at 4 but DS was very grizzly (think getting teeth) and Coco got the hump and chewed the rugs and anything she could get at (usually shes really good and I can leave DS toys around etc.

sorry for the long posts!

Why can't you walk Coco with DS in his buggy? What's wrong with him napping in his buggy and why so many baby groups? I despised baby groups, we never went - both of my children developed fine socially.

You could walk Coco on an evening and leave Dh with DS.

Are you sure you want to keep this dog, it doesn't sound to me like you have tried very hard . Imo, when it comes to your pets and you really want to keep them then 90% of the time - where there is a will there is a way.

Just look at it like having 2 children - they can't always have individual attention and gradually they will adapt to this. I think it would be a real shame to rehome Coco, just think of her and DS interacting in a year or so, DS will be able to throw balls for her and run around playing.

DS falls asleep second buggy starts moving which is fine if its nap time but if not really mucks him up for the day, and if he has too many sleeps in his buggy he wont go down in his cot.

I do take coco every evening for a walk when dh gets in at 7.30 but she needs an earlier walk as well.

I am a socialable person and enjoy meeting other mums in my mind baby groups are great for that, I couldnt have a week where I didnt interact with adults during the day.

thanks bubblerock thats what I keep thinking and how much easier things will be then... Coco is a lovely dog and I give her all my attention when ds is asleep but as soon as i play with him on the floor she tries to climb on me or his play mat

also find it hard to keep up with cleaning, dinners etc when walking dog each night without feeling frazzled - which i do right now hence my post - what do other people do with their dogs all day?

I have two dogs. I walk one of them while dd2 is at nursery for around 45 mins - 1 hour. The other is just a pup and still learning about the world/walking on her lead so I take her for a short 10-15 min walk (mainly for training purposes) after I have took the older one.

I'm usually back by 10:00 - 10:30 which gives me an hour to potter about doing any bits I can't do when dd2 is home.

Puppy and Devil Dog take turns doing the school run to collect dd1.

Main walk for Devil Dog is the dd's bedtime (I'd much rather be out walking, no matter what the weather than deal with those two at bedtime) It's usually for an hour to 90 mins.

When I am at work I take out to run alongside the bike in the afternoon - instead of his long evening walk.

Weekends = recall training time (although we do a bit of this some mornings too) which means 90 mins to 2 hours playing with a ball/tug toy on the long line. Puppy comes along for the first part (we live near the park) but gets taken back home after the first 30 mins.

They don't much bother for attention during the day, but snuggle up on the sofa during the day.

They snuggle on the sofa on evening. Not day time.

I don't have any advice from experience as I am expecting my first baby in Jan but I have two dogs and I know it will be hard work but I am so looking forward to my DS growing up with dogs. Do you think it might get easier as your DS gets bigger and is able to interact with the dog more himself? I should think Coco will adapt to not having your attention all the time. It will be lovely for your DS to grow up with a dog if you are willing to continue your hard work balancing both baby and dog in these first difficult stages!

How old is she? A bit more than a year if you got her from a breeder I presume? It was around the time that my eldest dog (now 3) was a year old that I got our second dog (now 2) - they entertain each other a lot of the time. Before that he was constantly wanting to play, but that might have been the puppy in him - still, I needed to give him A LOT of attention. Ever since Dog 2 arrived on the scene he has had a playmate and doesn't need me so much. Still likes his cuddles but I think because the dogs have each other they might adapt to having to share my attention with the baby.

Of course this is just the theory - I'm sure someone will tell me it isn't that simple! But yes - maybe you should get another dog to entertain Coco.

Oh dear god no - do not get another a dog to add to the mix. I can cope with most things. I consider myself to be a very patient person, especially when it comes to my pets. But there are times when I feel I would happily throw one or both of them out onto the street, of course I would never actually do it.

LWOA is right about they playing and entertaining each other, oh they that alright. They never bloody stop. Nor do they do it quietly or calmly. They chase each other growling and barking and sending anything in their path flying.

You could be lucky and end up with two dogs which can play relatively calmly, my parents have this with their dogs, you might not be though.

It will get easier, before long ds will be pottering about and you can wheel him awake to the local park and let him toddle about in the fresh air while you play fetch with Coco.

Tbh, I think you are being quite unfair to Coco.

She needs a lot more exercise than she is getting right now. You made the decision to get a dog, so you have to arrange things around the dog a little bit more.

Either you have to walk her more, or get someone to walk her for you.

I have a very lazy Maltese Terrier who sleeps a lot but even she gets minimum of 30 mins walk in the morning, normally an hour. And a short walk in the evening.

Your DS will not be napping in the pram that much longer and will be keen to go to the park so remember that the restrictions you have now will not be forever.

Yeah, it wasn't a serious suggestion, hence the little wink!

But I agree, DooinMeCleanin, I do think the dog will adapt to not being centre of attention anymore. When the baby is more mobile and not as 'fragile' I imagine things will all get a bit easier. I am aware I have all this to come though and will stock up on s for that time!

Surely there is a quick win here - instead of an hour's walk to baby group you walk the dog and then drive/take the bus to baby group. Seems a shame you are walking an hour there and back while you have a young dog at home not getting enough company or exercise. You never know, you may meet someone in a similar position who lives a bit more locally.

The very last thing you should do is give up the dog walker. SUrely the cost of that is a small price to pay when you're already feeling guilty - yet at the same time having lunches out because you want adult company (and I do sympathise there - my mum friends were a life line to me too).

As others have said, in the medium to long term it will be so lovely for your child to have always had a dog in the house. I'm sure the long term advantages outweigh the short term sacrifices you will really have to think about making. You also mention playing with the baby on his mat. WHy don't you try playing with Coco whilst baby watches - probably far more entertaining than a boring old play mat. If you had another child the baby would have to learn he doesn't come first and this is not a bad thing.

Lastly you will probably find your new mums group starts to fizzle out as people return to work/get pregnant again.

I agree with MmeLindt tbh, I think you are being grossly unfair to your dog. It sounds like you are a little resentful of any thing that involves Cocoa and not your DS. IMO there is room in your life for both. I may be making an assumption here but it sounds like you are not working atm, in that case I cannot see how you cannot have time in the day to do both? At the moment (6 months pregnant) both myself and my partner work 8am - 5pm. My partner walks our German Shepherd for an hour in the mornings before going to work, at lunchtimes we take it in turns to take her out (another 30 min free run on the beach) and then in the evenings usually I take her out for another 45mins - 1 hour. When I go on maternity I will be walking the dog with the baby, although my DH has said he will still walk her first thing in the morning. You havn't mentioned (from what I can see) what your DH does with regards to the dog - can he not take her out first thing for an actual walk to relieve some of the energy she will have built up during the night? And then while one of you are playing with the dog the other can be in the same room playing with your DS, meaning they both get attention at the same time. I agree with yesbutnobut about walking your dog instead of walking for an hour to your playgroup - and btw how do you get your son to playgroup when you walk - does he not sleep then? A solution may be a child carrier (ie one you put on you front while he is young) so you can keep him interested on your walks. If you only give your dog attention when the baby is not in the room, the dog will end up being resentful of the baby (prehaps explaining why she is trying to get your attention while you are playing with your son). If you can manage to walk for nearly 2 hours a day to get to a playgroup, it is horrendous that you are contemplating getting rid of your dog based on the fact you are not giving her enough attention - you have more than enough time in your day from what you have described. COuld you not have some of your new found friends round to yours some days rather than wasting money at playgroup - and therefore your dog will have company? Your priorities (in the case of the dog) are not correct, and if you cannot give your dog what she needs I wouldn't recommend keeping her. While I am loathe to suggest to anyone to pass on their dogs, it would make sense to find her the kind of home where she will be treated with the respect of her needs that she deserves. Good luck x

Well, why don't you keep the dog and rehome your DS instead?! no?!

I agree that it doesn't sound like you're trying very hard. All my DC are currently at school, but I still manage to walk all four of my dogs twice a day, and that usually involves 4-6 seperate walks as one is a puppy that needs training and another is doing recall work, so seperate walks for now too. The housework does suffer but so what?! It will wait.

I agree it makes more sense to drive to the baby clubs and walk thw dog before and after you go. Two 30 minute walks with training included are better than one long 60 minute jaunt where the dog does as it pleases and runs about, especially for a dog like a Beagle. Also, you say you want to stay for coffee after the baby groups, it's not complusory. Personally, I'd choose walking my dogs anyday over boring old baby chat, or in fact, any chat.

Your dog hasn't chewed things because she's 'got the hump', she is bored and under stimulated. You also need to stop thinking of her like a child, she doesn't need your constant attention (although if you give it on demand, she'll keep demanding it) she needs exercise and stimulation.

Having a dog is having a different lifestyle, the dog must be a priority and it doesn't sound like that is the way it is for you. If you aren't commited to the dog then the responsible thing is to return to the breeder, but please don't make out you had no choice, you are making that choice.

I found it really hard having a dog and a baby, so I do sympathise. My dh used to walk our dog for an hour before work, then some days I would walk him for an hour in the afternoon while my ds had his afternoon nap, others I used a dog walker. Finally I would take him 'round the block' when dh came back from work.

My dog is a newfoundland, however, so not bred to hunt all day like your beagle, so he slept most of the time he was in the house. Beagles have huge amounts of energy and it is difficult to tire them out. Do you let him off the lead at the moment - they can burn a whole lot more energy having a good romp off lead. Otherwise mental stimulation also tires them - I used to play hide and seek with my dog - hide a treat somewhere in the house and then send him to find it - you can do this whilst playing with your ds. Or get one of those treat balls where the dog has to roll the ball around to get the treat out (putting treats inside plastic coke bottles also works).
If he is climbing on your lap while you are playing with the baby, that would suggest you need to get him to respect you as the leader. It is easy to take your eye off the ball when you have a baby as you are not focussing on your dog.
It does get easier - hang in there, soon your ds will no longer be napping in the day, and you will be able to walk the dog whenever. Oh and see if you can meet up with someone to walk dogs together - good social outlet!

good luck

Whatever happened to a dog for life? Your beagle didn't choose to come and live with you? You chose to have him and by doing so made a life long commitment to care for him.

Sidelining the very few needs of your dog in favour of coffee and chats after baby groups is bordering on cruel and selfish. Can you not plan a walk to coincide with your DCs nap time so sleeping in the pram is not such a disaster?

How long did you leave your dog alone when you went to visit your friend who lives and hour and a half away? It has to be well over 4 hours. Are you honestly surprised that with too little exercise and no company your dog became destructive? Honestly?

Bigbad - I think it really depends on you. Do you really want to keep this poor dog? At the moment, you don't sound as though you are willing to give Coco the time and attention she deserves. I can understand you wanting company, but dog walkers are an incredibly social lot - take your dog to the park at a regular time and I guarantee you'll soon be chatting with loads of people. We've made friends this way and believe me I am an introvert person who is quite reserved at first.

Coco is a beagle - a breed that is lively and needs plenty of exercise and stimulation. Do you really HAVE to go to the pub on weekends? I also find it hard to believe that this pregnancy just "happened" out of a clear blue sky (unless your name is Mary )- you must have given some thought to Coco's welfare. Sadly, unless you are willing to act more responsibly as an owner, it's probably best for Coco to start contacting a few breed rescues (NOT the Rspca or your local Council) and seeing if they have any nice homes for her.

I have to agree with other posters it doesn't sound like you are trying very hard. Do you need to go to the baby club three times a week and always stay for coffee? I had a big dog when my ds was a baby and it was hard but a dog is a big responsibility and you need to factor time in every day to walk her (during the day) to stop her being bored. Could you not carry your baby in a sling and walk your dog on the park? Also re staying in at the weekends, that is part of having a dog!Surely your ds has plenty of naps at this age so you could walk the dog at a nap time?

Can you get family and friends round to your house? Can you take your dog to their houses?
Can your family and friends help out with dog walks?
It was hard to always walk my dogs when DD was wee. I remember once flickng rain on her face so she wouldn't fall asleep in the buggy, as I was sooo tired, and wanted to nap myself when we got home.
On the fox poo front, vigilance is needed! Mine always sniff for far too long and then start sliding into it. But can be stopped if I spot him. Teach leave or have a tennis ball in your pocket etc.
On the cleaning front, relax your standards. You have a baby and a dog, life's not going to be that tidy for a while!
Lastly, and I hope I'm not being rude here, is this just about the dog? You've moved and had a baby in a short space of time. That's alot to deal with. Getting rid of the dog may seem to be a way of lightening your load, but you'd also deprive your DS of a future playmate.

I agree with Labradorlover, it sounds as if OP is struggling with more than how to juggle baby and dog. Perhaps you are suffering from PND? Seems you want to keep out of the house and be with other people all the time - and I wonder if that is symptomatic of you finding it hard to cope with being a mum? You also talk of resenting not being able to go to the pub at weekends. Welcome to the world of parenthood - you simply can't do all the things you used to. I think you should reduce your activities and focus more on Coco and DS. If DS were having his midday nap at home, in his cot, then you'd have a couple of hours to yourself when you could be with Coco, sort the house out a little bit, and have some quiet time.

You are obviously missing your old area and that is understandable. Why not try to find a more local baby group that wouldn't take you out of the house for 5 hours - to be honest that is excessive.

OP, any thoughts ?

It is hard having a first child. You've got a young dog too and perhaps if you focused more on his needs you may find your need to be out of the house recedes. Go to the local park and you'll soon get chatting to other dog owners I'm sure (especially with a young beagle who I"m sure is gorgeous).

I totally understand where you're coming from but I say - persevere! Your baby is only 4 months old and things change so fast.

I remember feeling so guilty and stressed about how little time I had to spend with my dog when my son arrived - sometimes it was just easier to be out of the house and leave him at home, than be in and know that all he wanted was for me to take him out for a walk or a play. Could you put the baby in a sling/carrier for dog walks? I found this much easier than a buggy in the early days.

Beofre you know it your baby will start actively engaging with the dog and you'll realise what a valued member of the house he is (as well as having a whole new suite of problems to deal with e.g. tail-pulling....! but we'll not go there...!_)