Reassuring my son re. getting a puppy

[Solo2]

I've posted here before about our plan to get a golden retriever puppy and we know now it won't be this year but possibly next year. (We've identified a breeder and are waiting for the right male puppy and the males from current litter are already assigned to others higher up the waiting list).

I have some trepidation, as I've never had a dog before but have wanted one for most of my 47.5 years and now DSS are 9 (twins) it's nearly time to take the plunge. Mostly, I'm extremely excited.

However, DS2 is becoming more apprehensive, as I talk in more detail about having a puppy and what it will mean for us as a family. I've talked about all the positives but also made them aware of the changes we'll need to make as a family and the initial chaos and challenges.

DS2 has focused on the negative (he's a bit of a worrier with some Asperger's-like traits). His greatest fear is that I won't have as much time for him when the puppy is here and that the puppy will destroy his things and slobber/ poo/ wee on his things.

How do I reassure him that it'll be fun and that I'm happy to do all the challenging bits and that the puppy will be his as much as mine or his twin's? Anyone else on here have a puppy and a child with Asperger's traits (he doesn't fit the full diagnosis)?

My twins are 9.5 yrs and I'm sure most childrne this age would be able to adapt to a puppy in the family but is that really the case? Has anyone else who's got a puppy for the first time, found it difficult to manage their DCs alongside this or had children who don't take to the puppy at all?

What breeder did you decide on in the end?

I don't think you can completely reassure him that the puppy won't steal or chew his things, as if they are left around, it might happen. Would he understand if you told him the puppy can't chew his things if he puts them away/out of the puppy's reach and not to worry as you will remind him.

Are you going to have a crate? This might help reassure your son as you can tell him it is where the puppy can go for any quiet time and for times when you are too busy with them to keep a good eye on the puppy. You can also explain that the crate is to help prevent the puppy chewing things and toileting everywhere.

My children always just accept things, but obviously they are used to it. However, I never give them too much information, I would probably just say 'we're getting a puppy, it's going to be great fun' and then deal with anything else as it arose.

On the plus side, you've made things easier for yourself by chosing a Golden, they are born half trained...

Our puppy is now 13 weeks. We have two stair gates and a puppy pen. These all control which areas the puppy can and can't go into, and which he can access only under supervision. The puppy is not allowed upstairs into the bedrooms at all. My dd is 12.5, so a bit older than your dc, but she knows where she can put things down so that they are not chewed.

It is interesting that my middle son is always the voice of reason in our house! He highlights the very realistic picture of what will happen, including me having to get up early to sort out the puppies etc. We have had several so he knows from experience as well.

However he is also the DC that loves the dogs and has the best relationship with them. He understands the situation and is an excellent dog trainer because of it.

Maybe your son is being very mature and highlighting concerns which will need to be managed by you as the puppies new owners but equally the dog will bring lots of fun as well. That is if you love throwing tennis balls, going for walks in the rain, having a big blonde head on your lap when you sit down,laughing at their funny antics and ways.

I personally do not let my dogs upstairs one cos I am very houseproud lazy and do not want to hoover dog hairs upstairs too but this does mean that you son could have a dog free area if he wants one and can leave toys around safely knowing they will not get chewed.

I also have trained several dogs for children with asperger's and they have been a great success. The dogs ability to live in the moment, not hold grudges and to usually behave in a consistent manner has helped these children and their families.

Maybe as you are not getting the puppy for a while it may be best to let things drop and not let your son ponder on the negatives. When it is nearer the time would the breeder let your son spend time with the Mum. That may help your son to see the positives when he can actually see the end result as it were! Also if he could visit the puppy from very early on when it is still wee and stillish may help him to bond with it. However as you are getting a goldie I am sure he will love it too bits the minute it comes home

Hi Midori We're going with the breeder you recommended (Amirene)and hope to visit her at half-term to see her latest litter.

Yes, we plan to get a crate. I think DT2 always assumes the worst about everything and this is transferring onto getting a puppy and probably it's partly my fault too, as I've tried to tell the twins that the puppy won't arrive ready to obey them and poo/wee where we want it to etc and also that it might nip them at times. I guess I should emphasise the positives a bit more.

I'll talk more to him about how we can use the crate to give the puppy and us a break from each other and also talk more to him about all the brilliant things we can do with it too.

Thanks again for the recommendation BTW. We'll definitely stick with that breeder. She's from the part of the UK where my late father was born and where I grew up.

Minimu and Purplefrog - I didn't see your replies until I'd replied to Midori. thanks to you two also.

I think we will also, certainly at first, have a stairgate and puppy-free areas.

Minimu, I'd heard about dogs/ goldies and children with Asperger's and had hoped that DT2 would therefore find it a lovely experience to have a dog. Another thing he's worried about is his cat - his first ever pet (DT1 also got one at the same time). He's worried that his cat (they're pedigree house cats) will be scared of the puppy. I don't know quite how the cats will manage with the puppy....but hopefully we'll all find a way to live together.

I think also DT2 can see that it's me first and foremost who's desperate for a dog (he wants chickens himself). So he may not feel it's HIS dog but already mine. I need to find ways of engaging his interest but perhaps put it on hold for a bit.

Just heard back from the breeder and we ARE going to visit her and her dogs and current litter (who'll be 7 weeks old by then) at half-term. This might make things more real for DT2 and I'm sure we'll come away desperate for a puppy asap, although we won't be having one from that litter.

I think puppy-free areas, certainly at first, are a must! As it was, it took me ages to puppy-proof downstairs, without having to do upstairs as well! (Of course I still have to deal with all the clutter that has now been piled on the bedroom floors as a result......) But things like trailing wires for computers and games consoles are a magnet to a playful pup, and very expensive to fix if not retreived in time.

The fewer things you have to keep an eye on the better. And I know that dd can leave her soft toy collection safe in her room and her homework is not going to get eaten etc. etc. Well, maybe she would prefer the latter...

Re. trailing computer wires, PC mouse, etc. do you know if there's a purpose built structure you can slide around a PC work station to protect the puppy/ the appliance? My twins each have a work station with PCs side by side in the room next to the kitchen, where the puppy should have easy access. There's also a piano in here too.....and at least 2 other musical instruments...this isn't going to be v good mixed with a puppy, is it?

I'd planned on putting the puppy's crate in the kitchen but another option is in the conservatory, (with plants and wiker furniture) adjoining the sitting room (with TV and floor rug/ soft furnishings). But that's not so near the heart of family life.

What would be the best place to site a crate? Another option is in a sort of annexe hallway leading to DCs playroom (packed with toys)....

Just read on the web about a dog trainer who offers pre-puppy training to families about preparing hte home for a puppy etc. Perhaps we should get her in to have a look at things...

I always put my crate in the kitchen: easy to clean up any mess which can sometimes overshoot the edges of the crate, easy to feed puppy, and it's an area in our house which has very busy periods but also very quiet ones. Always warm too.

Re cables - there is a special type of cladding you can buy. People use it for house rabbits.

HTH

I don't know about anything you can use to protect PC workstations - you will have to look around and see what you can find. Our computer is in the dining room (which we rarely eat in). The clothes airers with washing drying on them are there too. The living room opens into the dining room with double sliding doors. We have put the puppy pen in that opening so it is mainly in the dining room iyswim. This means the pup can't chew washing or computer cables, but can see anyone who is in there. He is only allowed in the living room under supervision although if he threw himself at the door I am sure it would burst open.

Our crate is in the hall. The only problem with that is the pup has a view straight up the stairs, so toilet visits in the night are impossible...... Sigh! (DP is no longer allowed wine in the evening )

I was slightly naive when we collected our pup. I didn't think a 8-week lab would manage to negotiate stairs. And I am now shocked that a 13-week lab can get most of his head and paws on the kitchen table and pinch stuff off the kitchen window sill. It looks like I will have to clear the kitchen worktops soon.....

You are wise to look at this carefully before getting a pup.

Glad you are going with Margaret. I was tempted by the French sired litter myself, but need another dog like a hole in the head at the moment. Her dogs really have got nice temprements (even for Goldens) and are very sweet and quiet. The Mum of the litter you'll see is half sister (same Mum, 'Indi') to my Amirene girl.

I also have my crate/s in my kitchen. I think the key thing, rather than completely puppy proofing everything you own, is to keep obvious 'loose' items (mobile phones, shoes, bags etc) out of the way and supervise, supervise, supervise. If you can't supervise, then put puppy in the crate. The supervision helps with toilet training as well as not chewing things. It;s the mthod we employ here and we don't get things chewed as a rule. (there has been the odd careless mistake on our part Little puppies sleep most of the time anyway and if your twins are going to play with the puppy they can have a play before they need to do anything, take puppy out to toilet and then put puppy in the crate to sleep.