Sorry, that was really presumtious of me wrt children, I do apologize.
Interestingly my last puppy was pre-children and this one is post, this one seems like a piece of cake where I clearly remember the tears I shed over the last one.
Other people dogs and especially other peoples puppies are way easier than your own due to the novelty factor and the ability to give them back (also very true of kids imo). Childhood dogs tend to be a bit rose tinted as you (probably) didn't have to deal with all the crap.
Don't worry about bonding, people get adult dog and forge the strongest bond imaginable.
I personally have never needed to do the 'no inital playing in the garden thing' but it is recomended when you having trouble, so the puppy knows you are in the garden purely for toileting and the quicker he does it the quicker you will go inside for 'fun', he is too small to understand the concept of 'zones' though you can teach himself to relieve himself in one particlar spot, but first you need to tackle getting him to go outside. He hasn't got comfortable enough to ignore you, he just doesn't understand what you want.
I know I keep saying it and I am probably really getting on your nerves but he is so very young, he will change so much in the coming weeks, he need lots of gentleness, encoragement and praise.
And I am not suggesting for a minute that you are not doing these things, it sounds like you are trying to do everything right, but you may be trying just a little too hard, try and just relax and enjoy him, just shrug off the puddles, spend time just watching him, talking to him, cuddling him.
I can hear the frustration in your posts, you are going to end up with a wonderful puppy/dog who is going to adore you, you just need to take a step back and be a little more patient.