Life just sucks

[8aby8rain]

Hello everyone who can be bothered to read this.
My life sucks.
Nearly 8 weeks ago I gave birth to my 3rd child, a girl, completing our little family consisting of myself, my husband, and our other two boys aged 4 and 2.
2 weeks after giving birth, my husband goes for an MRI scan after suffering with a constant migraine for a few weeks prior that had him sleeping most of the day and night. Turns out he had a large brain tumour.
Fast forward a week, the consultant told us it wasn't good news... it's a glioblastoma, GBM4. In other words, brain cancer, grade 4, with only months to live if he doesn't get treated, and even then, life expectancy is about 1 year. He's only 30 FFS.

Now here I am. Awake at 1 am, because our baby girl won't sleep. I've broken a drawer in the kitchen from slamming it too hard in my frustration. My husband is fast asleep. I can't wake him to ask him to help me out, let me have just a couple hours of uninterrupted sleep. No. I can't disturb him from his slumber, to this nightmare that we're living. Let him sleep and escape this reality for a few hours.

I need to be 'awake' in about 6 hours time for my boys. I'm exhausted all the time as it is, and now to add only a few hours of broken sleep to that is making me just want to give up.

Why won't this child stay asleep. Every time I put her down she wakes up instantly. All she wants is to be latched on. But I can't sleep if she's latched on. Even while cosleeping, because my effing arm and hand is in so much damn pain, likely a trapped nerve.

My husband is slowly losing his mind. He's not the same person I used to know that's for sure. His personality has changed, he hardly talks, but whenever I ask him or try to get him to open up, he just brushes it off as if he's fine. And I can't push because that's when he gets aggravated. Which is so unlike him normally, he is the most patient person I have ever known. Or used to be. I'm losing him slowly. It's torture.

I don't know why I'm writing this. I just need to get it down, out of my head. And it all sounds like an unrealistic plot to a new book or something.. but this is my crap life at the moment. Maybe someone can come along and tell me if they've had any experience of knowing someone with GBM4. Tell me it's not as bad as what I've read it to be.

Aww. So heartbroken to hear this. Stay strong n I know it sounds like a cliche but I promise it will get better. Praying for your husband and your little family. The kids will soon be older n independent to a certain degree before you realize it. I know it's hard for you but hang on there. You will become stronger, better and happier sooner or later. Sending you hugs, hun. Xx

Wow what an absolute horrific situation to find yourself in, there are no words that can give you the support that you need at this time.

As someone who suffers from severe mental health issues I can testify that it’s good to get your thoughts down on paper (or a forum in this case) just know that you will undoubtedly be strong enough to get through whatever comes your way even if you don’t think you will, I hope that there good news of a kind coming your way and I wish you, your husband and your family nothing but the best

I’m thinking of you and listening. I don’t know you but I’m sending you and your family so much love xxxx

This just sucks! Hard!

I wish I had some panacea that would make it better, but I don't! I'm currently going through my own mother dying slowly - without a newborn - and there are times I just want to murder someone random just because I need someone else to hurt as brutally as I do. There are others when I find it hard to get up and ... do stuff. Work, socialising ... even just getting the mail!

And yet, I soldier on somehow. Because I must.

And so will you, OP! It's because we have people to take care of. Children, sick relatives, employees at risk of layoffs, ... we MUST!

Find a few good friends who'll be okay with you venting. And a therapist. That's how I'm surviving!

@8aby8rain I’ve actually lost two loved ones to GBM.

I don’t know what you have in terms of family but you really need to rally them for as much help as you can get.

Reading your post broke my heart. I’m so very sorry that you’re facing this.

This is terrible. I'm so very sorry, OP. You could use some help at home... is there anyone who could step in? A family member? If not, could you afford to pay someone? Even a student helper could take some of the load off, doing domestic chores or whatever is most useful.

I’m so sorry to read this OP. Have you been offered any support via GP or health visitor, if not please ask for it.

Macmillan were fantastic for a family I knew in similar circumstances. Their website offers a chat line at:

www.macmillan.org.uk/cancer-information-and-support/get-help

Copy and paste them your post -now.

Nobody expects you to be dealing with all this on your own.

OP, I didn't want to read and run. Sending a hug and a hand hold. Thanks for sharing this here, I imagine it's hard to even write it.

Do you have any external support?

Sending you love and strength.
Life can be utterly shit and cruel.
My advice would be to ask for help, this is a heart breaking situation and you need support. Your trying to deal with too much, Sometimes in these situations others are unsure what to do so maybe say specifically "Can you help me with this?"

Not the same at all, but I am on my own with parenting/work/life at the moment as DH recovers from surgery.

I've never been the type to ask for help, hyper independent from childhood trauma.

However , I have actually managed to address than and have been reaching out to local friends a lot for schools runs etc. and everyone says yes! They're happy to help. So I would say give that a go - ask everyone you know for play dates / meals cooking / DH friends to sit with him while you go to Tesco etc. it's worth being open about what you need and not letting people off the hook with a "let me know if you need anything"

Thank you everyone for you kindness and support.

I have a lot of family support, they come and help me during the day, I've not had to cook a proper meal for us since my baby was born. But it's nights like last night with baby, and early mornings with toddlers, and frantic evenings with all 3 overtired children, when everyone in my support bubble is back to their own lives and I feel like I'm drowning again. I am so grateful to their help, and they are doing so much already that I feel like I can't possibly ask for much more. At some point I just need to learn to cope with all this, figure out this new normal. But it's lonely and tiring and heartbreaking.

Mostly, I'm just so sad that I'm losing my best friend and life partner to this awful disease. The person who I leaned on for everything, the person who would be helping me navigate life with 3 kids is no longer able to be my rock. He has cancer, and it's taking over who he is as a a person, changing who he is. I hate that this is happening to him. He doesn't deserve this.

Anyway, thank you again to all who read and replied. I just needed an outlet that isn't family and friends because they're already doing so much for me, and I think it's easier on them when I appear to be coping well.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/general_health/4895824-cancer-support-thread-90-still-the-best-threads-no-one-wants-to-be-on

….maybe someone on this thread could advise.

There's a thread for partners supporting people with cancer The storm part 3 http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/lifelimitingg_illness/4729740-the-storm-part-3

I'm so sorry this is happening. Life's just one chaotic shit show where nothing turns out as it 'should'. You've every right to feel utter rage.

I'm glad you're getting support. I'm an insomniac and there are plenty of us here and in other time zones to keep you company in the wee hours

I’m glad you’re getting some help @8aby8rain. These are exceptional circumstances so don’t be afraid to let people know what you need.

If you were my DD or DIL, I’d be there every minute you needed me.

I understand your comment that it’s easier for other people if you seem to be coping (I’m doing it a bit too as my much older DH has a much less aggressive cancer) but don’t be too tough as they won’t realize you could use someone to lean on.

I’ll say a prayer for all of you.

Solidarity, @8aby8rain - I have a nine-week old colicky baby, a four year old, and a husband with incurable cancer that has spread throughout his head and neck. We don't know what the prognosis is but radiotherapy (a very intense six weeks) didn't reduce the size of the main tumour much and there currently isn't any other treatment.

So, I get it, to an extent. And I'm fucking furious at the universe.

@RedPandaFluff 💐me too.