How the Other Half Live

[expatinscotland]

Here we go again!

Working single mum of 4.

Supposedly above the poverty line, living in appalling conditions.

Is anyone watching? Are any politicians watching?

Because this is reality. For millions of people.

Well, that's rather a moot point, Mollie, because she does help and seems to enjoy it.

I mean, what if the gal lost her job?

What if her partner hadn't left?

I think the girls are too small to benefit directly. They will benefit from improved living circumstances but they are a bit young to go on a football or cookery course .

Nice to see both boys have ambitions. Quite unusual to want to be a pastry chef - hope he makes it.

I don't think she's really asking for anything more really apart from opportunities for her kids. She said at the beginning that she has her dream job. Her flat is shit - council housing in this country is pretty crap, all the good stuff was flogged in the eighties as we all know. I suppose either you believe in social housing or you don't. The people who suffer in bad housing are often kids, so no, I don't think it's a problem spending public money on it.

Both boys were delightful.

And both seemed happy to WORK at their goals, which is more than can be said for the 'rich' kid who said he was going to be a champion footballer or golfer..................

I'm not knocking either way of life, but expecting to work at your goals is important, or they will never happen.

No Expat, not because she has four kids, because she had one, and the following three in an awful position, one she knew she was in.

Anyway, will owning a home make a difference?
I mean, hopefully it is in a good area so it will there but financially, will it?
Will they still be the same, with Mum working for less than benefits to pay the mortgage, or will she lose the house quickly if she can't keep up the payments, and given how things are atm that is possible.

I'm not sure I'd want to be in that situation right now. I have a private rental but it is pretty secure, my landlord owns nos 1-7 in this street, and bought 7 years ago with sitting tenants so it's pretty clear he wants the rental income rather than him renting out one property that he may sell/move back in to ay any time..

I have to say I like the poor family. Those boys are an absolute credit to their mothers - considerate and sweet and they love her. She may be poor but she has more than many in them and she should be very proud of them.

'No Expat, not because she has four kids, because she had one, and the following three in an awful position, one she knew she was in.'

She doesn't see it as awful, though, muggle.

Maybe she fell pregnant in a loving relationship, seemed that way with the two boys, they were close in age, and then it fell apart.

Ditto the other two, there was quite a big age gap between the girls and the two boys.

'But grandma is taking an interest in her grandchildren - having them after school and helping them to do their homework. What would happen if she didn't do that?'

Well, we'll never know, because she did.

Loving relationships or not, the financial situation was bad.
Love doesn't pay the bills, nor put the heating on in winter, nor fill hungry tummies.

I just can't get why she did this to herself or her children.
Why?

I find it so hard just with DD, I struggle with it, even when money is not so tight (and it is right now, due to me being seriously ill) with the constant guilt of what I can't give her, and how she has to wait until next week for new shoes, and how the small hole in her coat won't be noticeable, and how no one sees her room so it doesn't matter that it's not decorated and how........... Get it?

*(none of the things actually apply right now, just examples)

But she was paying her bills.

She was in her overdraft, but a lot of people are, even without children at all.

You find it hard going with one, she obviously doesn't.

What was she doing to her kids that was so bad?

They were well-adjusted, fed, educated, had a strong work ethic.

She was happy where she lived. She said that she wouldn't want to live in a place like Milton Keynes.

She liked her job.

What you find difficult she did not.

So, basically, everyone who doesn't have the kind of lifestyle that you think is best shouldn't have kids/more than one?

We have three.

We live in our overdraft, too.

We're a working poor family, too.

So you're saying people like us shouldn't have more than one child? Or we're somehow
bad or our kids less deserving because they have siblings?

What a judgement! Some people do have contraceptive failures and don't agree with abortion for themelves, you know.

And some people don't see their children as hard going, difficult or anything other than a blessing.

Agree with most of what expat has said on this one.

The 'poor' mum said right from the start, 'yes, I had 4 kids and that was my choice so I dont expect the goverment to pay for them'

It's not what I would personally choose, but she did and she works to provide for them, so all power to her. I wish more people had this kind of attitude tbh

The boys were lovely kids, really hope the money they received will help their dreams come true

I don't think of life in terms of what we cannot give our children, but in terms of what we can.

A good work ethic, a sense of societal and personal responsibility, spirituality, respect for the environment and joy in it and in nature.

Where we've chosen to live, it means we are not rich in money, but in other things - the school they attend is excellent, there is a wealth of outdoor activities to chose from, a good sense of community, freedom to roam around in relative safety, being near nature and exposed to British farming and seeing where food comes from, cultural richness, etc.

This may not be what others chose, but their own choices are no less valid than ours, especially if they are going out to work and paying their own way as she was.

Imagine the ranting and judging we would do if the poor family were on benefits. I thought the familyvwere amazing considering the grim conditions they lived in. Lovely boys and I felt the Ferrari boy was in many Ways was jealous of the family unit and company the boys had . Nit sure how a 19k trust find is going to help. Surely redecoration, furniture, clothes and childcare costs would be more immediately useful?

They sent in a whole lot of new furniture, charlie.

the poor mum had 4 delightful well behaved children and were a MAJOR credit to her, yes she has kids by different fathers, but she was in a relationship and the dad left

it happens

yes her mum was a 4x4 mum but she was doing what she could for her grandchildren

the job she was in prob paid min wage, which barely covered the cm fees, but least she worked - there should be better working tax credits rather than dole/benifits

the flat was clean and tidy and the mum was trying her best but tbh she will always be in debt

the rich mum said she wished she could spend more time with her kids,but couldnt - erm why not,she has her own business and could leave an early early each day or an afternoon a week and pick up from school

the rich family may have money but the boy needed a haircut

I thought the 'rich' boy was a credit to his family, too.

He was a lovely boy, who felt things were unfair. He was respectful of his family and of work.

I thought the 'rich' boy was better than he first seemed. Obviously stuff going on that was only aluded to - daily injections I assume were growth hormones so I wonder if he has his only issues to deal with too.

I agree with you Expat. The boys were so lovely and a credit to their mum. Loads of children in that situation could easily go down the wrong path. It seems that she is instilling a good work ethic into the kids and they seem to be responding to it. Bless the boy's face when she got the £3k and said he could have new shoes "they can be Kickers".

Expat, I didn't say, or mean that!

Perhaps you are right, and I find it hard so I expect others to, I wouldn't cope with it.

Perhaps that means you, and she, are stronger than I am, but at no point did I say she shouldn't have them, I just can't believe she'd make life harder for herself, but then perhaps she didn't find life harder with 4.

Please don't say I'm being horribly judgemental though, I didn't say her or her children were awful or not a credit to her, as I didn't think that at any point.

Logic tells me it's harder the more children you have, but if she didn't think so, then that's her choice, and yes, I do think her work ethic is great.