What's you favourite tv cliche...

[YesSirICanBoogie]

Any woman visibly pregnant will give birth - probably in a very public place such as a taxi while having complications and getting stuck in traffic on the way to hospital and panting lots.

And new characters turn up in soaps, no family, no friends, no belongings.

They never go anywhere other than that street, they get a job right next to where they live and become intensly integrated with everyone.

Then they leave, taking only a small bag of things (in a black taxi, as was pointed out earlier) and are never heard of again.

Conversations always end with one person looking into the middle distance thoughtfully. This is my favourite cliche hands down, because you see it on everything.

People have an argument, run to the bedroom/bathroom and then shut the door, lean on it and sink the floor sobbing.

In crime dramas the criminal ALWAYS confesses, explaining everything including their motivation.

People always know the right come back for an insult, they don't just stand there speechless gawping like a goldfish.

In a detective series the 'rent-a-sleb' will ALWAYS be the murderer.

...and they can't resist leaving a cryptic note and/or an unusual murder weapon with the body.

People die and/or leave and they NEVER get mentioned again.

If drinking a glass of wine or eating chocolate, the female character MUST remove her shoes and curl her legs up under her bottom on the sofa.

Bartenders are have mind reading skills, so that when you walk up to the bar, they know exactly what you mean when you ask for 'a pint'.

Women suffering from grief or depression stop brushing their hair and wearing make-up!

Weddings are disaster zones.

If a doctor/nurse is in the programme and someone is rushed to hospital the doctor/nurse will be on duty and will perform the surgery be it open heart or ingrowing toenail.

The jukebox will always stop playing when someone has a row.

The sucides(which are actually murders) with the weapon being on the wrong side of the body..........ie weapon on left hand side when victim is right handed! Always a giveaway!

No one goes to or books a restaurant unless it's "that new place, down the high street"

No one ever leaves school for university or a job outside the immediate confines of the street/square/summer bay . No matter how talented or straight A's, they always end up at "college" doing somehting non specific or working at the Caf.

No one ever wears crappy home made fancy dress costumes to parties. All characters wear impossibly expensive outfits looking like they've raided the BBC's costume department (which they have!)

I love the 'soap opera face' - the one pulled when one of the huggers is up to no good and usually says "everything will be fine, come here and give us a cuddle" and then pulls an 'evil' face over the other person's shoulder.

And also totally agree about the surgery - it bugs me on ER that Neela can have a go at any sort of surgery at all.

If you are sad in EE you have to go to the park or the bench its the law.

.....or down the allotments

My favourite is in (usually American) films when you see a character in a car. 99 times out of 100 they'll be wrestling with the wheel as though they're negotiating a series of hairpin bends, although they are actually driving down a long, straight road.

Gets me every time....

And also usually in American films or TV series, no-one EVER says 'goodbye' when concluding a phone-call; they just slam the phone down virtually in mid-conversation. Or maybe that's acceptable phone etiquette in the good ol' US of A?

In Eastenders there doesn't seem to be a off-licence either - the residents are always happy to buy an overpriced bottle of crap wine from the Vic.

And whenever a future meeting/date is mentioned, no specific arrangements/time/place are ever made. Not even "I'll ring you to arrange it".

American folk never lock their cars. And in the 70's, they left the windows down most of the time too.

No one ever has smelly morning breath, they just talk about an inch away from each other when they've just woken up (entwined, not dribbling on their pillow) then start snogging-Yeuch!

In any police programme, when the detectives go to ask someone questions, the person never sits down in a polite way and answers everything.

Nope - they cary on pruning the roses, washing the car, whatever it is they happened to be doing when the Law turned up, and then just stop answering and walk off/slam the door/carry on jogging down the towpath.

If the police came round here and started asking me stuff I think I might actually stop what I was doing...

Talking of American folk.. they never have curtains too. What's that all about? do they like getting up at the crack of dawn?

Oh got another one when the couple are laid in bed they have a magic blanket that just covers the mans bottom half sso all his anly chest is on view and all you got of the woman is a shot of shoulder .

psst Saltire Carol is coming back!